BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 126):
1. after having sex while on your period & your inner thighs are covered in blood; i think a funny thing to do would be to start screaming “My baby! My baby! What have you done with my baby?”
2. probably best to just take off your necklace BEFORE giving the blowjob… cuz it’s GONNA be an issue, so you may as well save yourself the trouble.
3. just accept the fact that every single place that serves food is FILTHY!
4. it’s so much more special when the audiobook is read by the author.
5. there should be a channel that ONLY plays FRIENDS
6. try to express your love for your significant other the way i do by saying something along the lines of: “even though nobody else does, I love you… but that could change at any moment.” I know that might sound mean, but trust me… you’ve got em RIGHT where you want em.
7. sometimes I look back at ALL the men I’ve slept with & think “It’s a miracle I don’t have AIDS or an STD!” If your an ex boyfriend of mine, this isn’t about you… I’m talking about all the guys I slept with in between the actual guys that mattered.
8. if the guy you’re dating buys one ply toilet paper, break up with him immediately. clearly he doesn’t care about HIMSELF, so how could he possibly care about YOU?!
9. Facebook is so O V E R.
10. if he’s in his thirties and your boyfriend is starting physical fights with people after a few drinks… someone needs to hit his reset button and remind him that he’s an adult and not a cast member on real housewives of Atlanta. adults don’t brawl. we use our BRAINS and ignore trivial losers we want to punch.