BLOG » is it me? it must be me.
i didn’t know what I was doing. I couldn’t tell if i was angry at him for the reasons I said I was; or was trying to ruin it? was i just testing him (which is just another way of saying ‘trying to ruin it’) to see how much he could endure/see how much he loved me/see if i could prove myself right, so i could say “see?! i knew you would leave me. i knew you would eventually abandon me. just like my father. there’s no such thing as unconditional love!”
then again, these questions could also be asked of my behavior in every other serious relationship i’d ever been in.
ugh. once again I found myself single, or at least on the verge of being single.
and the worst part, in trying to make sense of it all, was how good i was at assuming no responsibility and pinning all the blame on the guy.