BLOG » Things To Keep You From Killing Yourself:


if you’re already at such a low point emotionally that you want to take your own life, you’re actually in an ideal position. you’re so low, you have nothing to lose. and because of that, now is the time you should most definitely NOT KILL YOURSELF. let me explain:

yes, you feel hopeless and in pain; but feeling the way you feel resets you, it puts you at ground zero. now you can start over from a place of ‘i don’t give a fuck’ (and that’s a very powerful place to be)  ‘…cuz i can’t get any lower, but i’ll be damned if i’m gonna let everyone else win by being stronger than me and going on, while I take my own life and then am not even able to hover over my own funeral like you imagine you’ll be able to and inevitably witness the world just keep on going  before my dead body’s even cold – after a few fb/instagram likes regarding my death and sobs that will be forgotten in less than a week.’ no fucking way. this mood is a blessing. let it serve you and rebirth you and make you stronger – ALIVE and stronger.

but first things first, in order to pull yourself out of the deep vortex that is your mood, you must grab a life raft before you get sucked into making an irreversible decision. it’s now your job to do everything in your power to bring yourself immediate happiness (except kill, harm, or put others/yourself in danger). now is the time to eat pizza without worrying about what it might do to your figure (after all, a moment ago, you were gonna off yourself – so why worry about your figure?), go shopping, get your hair dramatically altered, be brave while not giving a fuck what anyone may or may not think of you. Sing in public, write, sky dive, walk, get drunk (but uber it), wear lipstick you’ve always been too afraid to wear, write your dad or mom or ex or whoever a disarmingly honest letter saying all the things you’ve always wanted to say.

but don’t you dare kill yourself!

FUCK everyone else. FUCK everything. Just get a slice of pizza, and take a moment to watch the world. you need not say or do anything. just BE. that’s enough. truly. your presence is affecting someone in a positive way without you even realizing it. i swear to god. even if you don’t believe in god. i swear. people notice you, even if you feel invisible. you make an impact, a ripple, a difference. so just take a moment, be quiet, and breathe. be kind to yourself. stop the constant chatter in your head, WITHOUT STICKING A GUN IN YOUR MOUTH. stop worrying. everything is ok, really. it will be. it’s just how you consciously decide to react to life. everything is a choice. so choose to live cooler, and happier, and less frantic, and bogged down, and stressed. it’s not all so serious. but hang in there to find that out and experience all the fun stuff you might not see right now, but i promise is around the corner.

write a list of what you like about yourself. it’s also ok to think you’re beautiful, even though for some reason we live in a culture where we think we’re supposed to brush off compliments and only say bad things about ourselves: ‘we’re ugly, dumb, weird, fat, imperfect, blah blah blah.’ fuck all that. what’s ‘perfect’? you’re beautiful. you’re allowed to exist. you’re allowed to like yourself. it’s not conceited. it’s just the truth. fuck sarcasm. be nice. i wish everyone would just be nice. people are nice. but it starts with you. be nice to yourself.

write a list of all the things you’ve been too terrified and intimidated to try/see/do because you don’t think you’re capable. you are. and even if you aren’t, who cares? it’s not worth killing yourself over. write a list of places you want to travel to. write a list of all the boys/girls you have crushes on. write letters to people you hate for whatever reason and then burn those letters and let it go. start seeing a GOOD therapist who you feel you GEL with and is helpful and makes you feel safe and understood. start a blawg, don’t start a blawg, take photos, volunteer for kids and people less fortunate than you- because I promise you, they exist. and they’re still among the living; fighting for every breath and grateful for it. go on long walks, it’ll make your mood better. maybe go on an anti-depressant. maybe don’t. maybe cut out the bad toxic people in your ife, even if they come in the form of your family. most likely, they do. stop doing drugs and drinking, the come downs are horrible and are probably the reason you feel suicidal right now.

have protected sex, a lot. let a guy lick your pussy for a long time. don’t ask him to stop because you assume he doesn’t like it. that’s his problem. let him stop cuz he decides to stop. and if he stops sooner than you’d like him to, push his head back down there. learn how to give the best blow job in the world. masturbate. listen to audiobooks read by the author. it really makes a difference when the audiobook is read by the author. masturbate WHILE listening to an audiobook read by the author. take an epsom salt bath. go to the beach, it’s like one HUGE epsom salt bath! realize that even if you lost your home and all your possessions, you’d be ok. you could get a job at mcdonald’s, target, or starbux (i’m sorry these places come to mind when i’m describing hitting rock bottom.) be nice to people just cuz. get a job at urban o, or american ap – wherever the bustling street is that has a melrose vibe in the city you live in. see bands play. go on dates. watch all the mindless shows on e and bravo; it’s like drinking 3 martini’s and being clobbered over the head with a boot- which just might shake you out of this funk. get a kitten or a puppy; as long as it’s not to eat and you treat it lovingly. have faith that love is real and you WILL meet the next great love of your life. be excited about getting older – it means you survived.

i wrote this because when i was a teenager i was really moody. i did drugs (speed), tried to kill myself, and ended up in a coma for 2 weeks. i’m so fucking thankful i woke up. i’m so fucking thankful i lived. but even all these years later, even though i don’t do drugs anymore- and for the most part, am a happy person, i still get sad/moody/and low sometimes. and it’s during those times i have to actively remind myself why living is awesome and that there’s no fucking reason to hurt myself ever again, and that there’s no fucking reason to take my (temporary) mood so far.

lately i’ve been reading about a lot of people who have taken their own lives. strangers. and when i realize how sad and affected i feel about these people i’ve never even met… it makes me think about how their families and friends and boyfriends or girlfriends or husbands or wives must feel. we’re all connected. we’re not alone. we all get sad, we all feel hopeless and helpless sometimes… but be strong. you matter too much to hurt yourself. even if you don’t know it, you do.

here’s a helpful quote i found via @_NealeDWalsch on twitter: “What a joy this life is, with all its sadness and pain, its tests and its obstacles. What a joy to be alive and experiencing all of it.”

call me any wed at 9pm pst during ‘boycrazy radio’ if you need a pep talk or a friend (646) 378-0649 / i’ll serve as a big sister who listens, distracts you, and offers advice.

if you wanna leave your own inspiring reasons for choosing to live, or want to share a personal story to help someone in turmoil please do so in the comment section.

Love, Alexi

16 Responses to “Things To Keep You From Killing Yourself:”

  1. I was sitting on my bed with Facebook open, trying to distract me from thinking about killing myself. It’s a crazy and sad feeling that I’m really struggling to break from at the moment. This popped up at just the right time and although there isn’t a quick fix, it gives me a second to stop and think it over. Thank you for this.

  2. love this! love you alexi!

  3. As always, you’ve struck a chord.

    The thing people don’t realize is that there is ALWAYS someone out there who cares if they live or die. There are people in this world who need you to be alive, even if maybe you haven’t met them yet. And what a waste to never get the chance.

    There is power at the bottom, like you said. That’s when you figure out what you’re really made of, but the only way to do that is to decide you’re going to be strong and you’re not going to let the world get you so far down that you forget how happiness feels.

    You’re awesome, lady.
    Thank you.

  4. I had a conversation recently with my mother about her brothers suicide and i myself having not considered it realistically but in my mind struggle with punishing myself for ever having that thought her argument for him is physical pain basically, over exertion of his financial control and financial. my personal argument dealing with him and my self specifically is the pain that comes from knowing how change is possible for better or worse, or knowing what the best version of yourself looks like and punishing yourself for knowing what’s right and not being able to pursue it, or seeing only obstacles, or affording to do it, or feeling you aren’t strong enough. if i could change the world or myself for the better, or knew how to change my situation only it’d have to be in a in a way that disrupts others’ happiness or perceived happiness and therefore my own it tends to create a duplicity in a person and that duplicity is and feels like it could be a monster. The truth is coming to be friends with that monster and agreeing with him from time to to time as it’s your animal instinct and cognitive responses saying saying fuck it go with it. It’s like a seed that meets an egg very quickly and conceives an idea you don’t need to question that thought, or abort it you need to interpret why you would have that thought, or with any thought for that matter

    i know right.

  5. How many Alexi Wassers can there be? I was at a benefit show in Brooklyn. Great show. The bands were a-list. Second or third band on is called 2 Story House. They were incredible and stole the show. They got two encores. The lead singer did one song solo and introduced the song discussing your website and that the song was inspired by and dedicated to you. He said all 2,000 of us should listen to the radio show from LA and take your advice. People who were his fans say he does this at every show. I found him on FB but the song was not on the play list. How do I get a copy of that song? Do you really know him?

  6. wait what? is this an april fools joke? i can’t find that band anywhere? will you send me a link?

  7. you’re the big sister I never had, thank you for writing this <3

  8. Learned hopelessness is synonymous with suicide. You trained yourself to believe you are hopeless

    From a mans prospective. Relationships and career bring out character defects like pride, fear, validation, worry, dread, etc

    Men need to feel significant. Which vehicles do we use to feel significant?
    Any reasons are valid. Give meaning to them. Do they serve the greater good. Anyway…

    My experience strength and hope from family death, child abuse, alcohol abuse are such blessings because I’m able to help others.

    I used to go into my shower with knifes. I’d park my car by Benedict canyon and think what if. On my balcony id think what if I jump.

    It was a cry for help. Id think about my funeral and what ppl would think and say.

    Being able to show up for my parents is tremendous.
    I’ve transformed my life and feel present (most of the time)
    I don’t say this to impress you but impress upon you.

    I love my life, my job is a hobby and I get paid to do it. I show up for others & wham my life becomes fantastic. It could just be a smile or voice of reason that says don’t be a dick, look this person in the eye.

    Any one that’s hopeless just know that faith shows up, especially when you are rock button. Be willing to see the signs. Talk to some one. Know that self pity is routed in self, it’s selfish.

    “Life is a constant motion keep moving but don’t mess the view”

  9. I might have guessed that you tried drugs, but never that you took it so far that you were in a coma, or that you were contemplating suicide I’m very grateful that you woke up! You walk through this world and sure, you try to have a good time, but you also try to encourage others to do the right thing; to protect themselves from disease and violence, or in this case suicide.
    I was suicidal when I was fairly young, for reasons I don’t feel comfortable discussing here. Now, not any more, and in fact I actually came to fear it so much I went bananas quite a while ago. Out of the frying pan…
    Thanks for talking about your experience! I hope at least one person listens and deals with their problems because you gave them courage to manage it.
    “The world is a better place with you in it.”

  10. @boycrazy. Thanks for the return. I found the band on Fb but I had the spelling wrong It’s Two Story House. The song I want is not on that site but it turns out he has written alot of songs for other bands. We’ll be listening to your next show. oh- The song I’m looking for- each verse started with “I understand.” Everyone around me was singing it so i can’t forget. They sold out of their CD’s at the show. That song was not on the CD anyway. He does it as an encore. I just want a copy of that song. If you don’t have it no one does. They must still be playing around NYC.

  11. a link would be really helpful.


    This guy maybe?

  13. thank you for this

  14. Ohh.. thank you so much for this. Started tearing up halfway thru, I need that reminder that life ain’t so bad. Time to change some ways. Sending all the good vibes your way thank u xx

  15. A genuine human being is a person is a person who lives by their feelings. It is a special someone who uses the wisdom they have garnered to journey deep within, to uncover their true self and value.
    While passing through this one way journey called life I crossed a many people trapped by entanglements, some are unspeakably lonely, in and out of jail, entrapped by their addictions, buried in poverty, suffering from a variety of mental illness’ and plagued by suicidal ideation. many feel unwanted, unlovable and have little to no self-esteem. Most long for meaning and place in a world that puts forth them challenges that seem un-surmountable.
    As a mental health practitioner with teachings and tools that I have been given I struggle day to day to illuminate and illustrate a path for those toward their whole self away from the darkness that haunts them so.
    Many are apprehensive of taking the journey within to not only find them soul, but to touch it. Many, “NO!” most are terrified to take that first step of inner exploration because they are afraid they might not like the person they discover. What I tell people discovery comes first then understanding, but what I emphasize is that understanding is not healing. What I tell all, travel forward do not look back, the farther you go, the deeper you will go. By doing this one will reach the destination of healing.
    Unfortunately, there are those no matter how you try there are those that become overshadowed and overcome by their demons. My friend Nancy was recently one of the casualties. her home life and upbringing was a regimen of beatings, ropes and ritualized humiliations that I would not wish upon my own enemies that were orchestrated to shatter her inner spirit. In the few episodes of resistance she offered she was beaten and tortured. People who experienced this either submit, succumb to the abuse or commit suicide.
    Last week, Nancy age 21 without a warning without a word put a shot gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. What plagues me so is whether there existed a balm to close such a gaping psychological wound. All I can say is when the darkness is near, scramble towards the light because within the light there is hope.
    So if you do not know what options you have call Boy Crazy Radio
    With Sentiments,
    Dr. Dan

  16. Was feeling really down and had been thinking about suicide more than ever lately, I came to your blog looking for a pick me up because it’s always been filled with good advice, and then I come across this at the perfect time 🙂

Leave a Reply