BLOG » the blind leading the blind (part 130):
1. if he’s never posted a photo of you on Instagram during your relationship, but you have… you love him more.
2. sometimes the only requirements for a girl thinking a guy’s a creep is her knowing that you like her, and her not being attracted to you. but throw in bad shoes, an outdated wallet, a bizare facial hair choice, bad breath… and the dude goes NEXT level and graduates to a SUPER creep lurker!
3. if no one will be his girlfriend and the dude keeps venting about it, wondering why girls don’t want to be his gf and only want to be friends with him after two or 3 dates… you can be sure he has a tiny dick. be it a nubbin, a mushroom, or skinny like a pencil… it’s the dudes disappointing private that’s to blame for his predicament. but it’s ALWAYS the one thing he never considers or brings up.
4. when you know a relationship is coming to an end, start deleting all the Instagram evidence of it ever existing.
5. sometimes all you REALLY need is a polish change, and not the whole mani pedi. faster, cheaper, and WAY less boring to sit through!
6. if you get along better when you text then you do when you actually speak on the phone, there’s a problem.
7. never shoot up (photographically speaking) on a woman. this will only ever be a horrible, unflattering angle for a woman. no matter how beautiful she might be; no matter how ‘great’ a photographer you think you might be… shoot from above. even if only just slightly. trust me.
8. if you’re always disappointed by him, it’s not his fault anymore, it’s YOURS for staying with him.
9. eating bananas in public is one of the most embarrassing things you’ll ever do… if you’re a completely boring pussy.
10. dear masseuse with very hairy arms: your arm hair is in my mouth.