1. people fall into two categories: those who food pic, and those who don’t. which one are you? please say the latter.
2. it makes me so sad & disappointed when my girlfriends aren’t brave enough to be single and wait to find/choose someone better than the person they’re settling for.
3. sometimes a favorited tweet or an instagram ‘like’ is ALL you need.
4. horns exist for a reason! Not everyone’s an asshole for honking their horn! so get the fuck outta my way you slow-moving, confused, old, texting, bike riding, jay walking, skateboarding monster! jesus!
5. a GENTLEman always pays for your abortion. always.
6. if he gives you water with lemon when you come over to his house the first time, but he just gives you plain water the next time… he likes you less. but still more than the coffee guy. so, hang in there.
7. who the fuck eats candy bars???? gross! if you must, eat power bars! they’re unassuming candy bars in disguise! & you’ll feel MUCH less shameful when eating them in public.
8. i’m not changing my mind about this: there’s NEVER a need to wear a scarf in los angeles. never. #clitoral hardoff
9. there’s nothing worse than sending someone a long, emotional text & getting a response like ‘k’ or ‘ha’ in return.
10. one of the most annoying things is when someone is way more alive via texting than they are in person.
ps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy