the blind leading the blind (part 108):

 

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1. when a guy is about to go down on you and you pull out your tampon and fling it across the room in a moment of passion; the next day, make sure you check for residual blood splatterings on the wall and curtains. This will prevent you from scaring off the next guy who rolls through your bedroom… or what i like to refer to as ‘where the sloppy magic happens.’

2. one of the worst feelings is when you’re on a date with someone and both of you have been ignoring your phones (in a modern attempt at  romance) – until you come back from the ladies room and find your date covertly checking his phone: texting, emailing, tweeting,  what have you – and then fumble to put it away as quickly as possible when he notices you coming back.

3. i think it’s just as exciting to hear guttural weeping as it is to hear really loud sex. luckily for my neighbors, they get to experience both. indulge YOUR neighbors.

4. if the way you eat by yourself is drastically different from the style of eating you have when you’re in front of people, you really need to rethink the manner in which you’re running your life… because this means you’re disgusting.

5. i know you like sitting in your car and talking on the phone, texting, being cozy, getting your emails done, etc. but try to pull over to a spot that’s not on a main road – where a car is more likely to crash into you and kill you. why not pull over onto a mellow side street? your mom would prefer this too.

6. never ever go on a motorcycle ride date. no date is worth risking your life over!

7. braids and backpacks make you appear youthful… but so does not being old.

8. a long time ago my (now) ex boyfriend bought me a Chanel bag as a present. i never wore it because it was so fancy. i didn’t wanna mess it up. so i kept it in my closet in its box. i wanted to save it for something special. and then i realized: isn’t every day special? what if i die and never get a chance to wear it? what am i waiting for? so now i wear my special Chanel bag every day.

9. only text things worthy of screen grabbing and then posting on instgram.

10. yes, summer’s right around the corner, but don’t even THINK about going to the beach when you have your period! that’s when the sharks will eat you!

 

Patti Smith’s Advice For Young Artists

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” w/ Ariel Pink! Call in! xx

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Tonight/Wednesday April 10, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in and ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

ALEXI RECOMMENDS: a mix by jimi hey…

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“I made this on a double cassette deck in my bedroom in either late 95/early 96. I suppose this was me trying to live out my fantasies of being a DJ in the vein of The Invisible Scratch Pickles or The X-ecutioners or whoever. Also I harbored secret fantasies of DJing at raves but there was no chance of that happening. I didn’t know how to scratch, nor could I afford a sampler. So instead I did this using only the pause button to make fake samples/loops. No samplers were used in the making of this tape. Source material taken from various LP’s, cassettes, and a few CD’s. Very low tech. Very mid 90’s.

It now serves as an unintentional time capsule and as a document of a tiny slice of my teens. Requires patience as it doesn’t really get cooking until around 7 or 8 minutes in. It’s mostly of interest to those I tagged because either their music is used in it or they may remember that brief moment in time in Los Angeles when some of us had one foot in the Jabberjaw/hardcore punk world and the other in the rave scene. Kind of a weird undocumented hybrid sort of thing.

It’s an at times distasteful world in which the likes of This Heat lives next door to Kraftwerk, Miami Bass, The Frogs, Kiss, The Magic Pacer, Land Of The Loops, various comedy albums, Pigmeat Markham, Kid N Play, Aphex Twin, Jungle Brothers, Brainiac, Eric B. & Rakim, MC Hammer, Tower Of Power, God Is My Co-Pilot, Korn, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Biz Markie, De La Soul, Run DMC, Fugazi, Warren G, Led Zep, Lee Perry, some Sebadoh side project whose name I forget, Chemical Brothers, Yellow Magic Orchestra, Martin Lawrence stand up, The Locust, Public Enemy, L.L. Cool J, Tortoise, The Crimson Curse, Soul Oddity, Megadeth, Rush, The Republic Of Freedom Fighters, Universal Order of Armageddon, Alec Empire, Silver Apples, Pearl Jam, Native Nod, Mantronix, Orbital, Beck, Boogie Down Productions, Clikatat Ikatowi, Sir Mix A Lot, The VSS, Trans Am, DJ Shadow, Komeda, Satisfact, DJ Mark The 45 King, Body Count, Aretha Franklin. Bollywood soundtracks, Los Cincos, Squarepusher, Anthrax, Dio, Luke Vibert, Audio Two, Atari Teenage Riot, Ice T, The Sea And Cake, Sleepytime Trio, Antioch Arrow, Ice Cube, etc.

In short, a really fucked array of sounds you’ll never hear sandwiched together anywhere else more than any sort of showcase of would be skillz.” – Jimi Hey

 

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” – Call in! xx

 

Tonight/Wednesday April 3, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

alexi on Live From E!… AGAIN!

the blind leading the blind (part 107):

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1. I know you feel vulnerable because you were naked with a guy last night. But before you fall into the female trap of needing him to love you and feeling gutted and low while you stare at your phone hoping to god he texts so you feel like it mattered and that maybe he cares; before you begin to spiral and feel like you are nothing, like you’re sinking into a black hole due to metaphorically handing over all your power to him… remember who you are. Remember that you’re smart and cool and driven and talented and good at something and have friends and have at least one cool family member maybe, I hope. Remember that you chose to have sex too. That you were 50% of the decision-making process. Remember that you aren’t even sure what you want from him, and that you might not even want him as a boyfriend and that maybe you actually had fun while you were with him and that it’s ok if that’s all it ends up being; that there’s no reason to feel shame: shame you would never think he should feel; shame you reserve for you because you’re the girl and you feel like you have to play that cliché role of guilt-shame-regret-’what does it all mean?’-I was used-I’ve been abandoned now. Think about all these things before your ego begins to feel bruised in the minutes after he leaves your apartment and you wonder if or when he’ll text/call; before you unnecessarily struggle with thoughts like he might not be sure about you or he may not want to be your boyfriend or he might never want to see you again now that he’s got what he wanted/all that he can get sexually. To alleviate unnecessary pain/over thinking and calm yourself, accept that sometimes it’s ok to have a nice time with someone; with no expectations and not giving all your power away. And if this is impossible for you, you should have left the club/bar/show/party alone. We take risks when we interact with people. It’s a risk if you get sexual too soon and it’s a risk even after you’ve waited a bit. And there comes a lot of unnecessary emotional stress that goes along with it. So do yourself a favor and make the conscious effort not to stress and let whatever the aftermath will be, just happen. You could get the call or not get his call without all the stress in the between time. It’s so much nicer without the stress.

2. i will never NOT feel unsure when using the word ‘meta’ and neither should you.

3. it’s important to never be alone… cuz that’s the time eating bread happens.

4. dudes, if any part of you wants to woo me, date me, kiss me, sexxx me, or love me… can you please NOT talk about your ex girlfriend(s)? i want to pretend, for at least a moment in time, that romance still exists and that we are in a bubble where only you, me, and possibility exist. is that ok?

5. don’t ever BROADCAST liking beef jerky! it’s something you enjoy in SECRET, behind closed doors; like binge eating, picking at your face, and anal sex.

6. if you ever end up having a crazy make out that’s super fun and passionate but leaves you with a layer of your skin rubbed off because the guy you were kissing wasn’t clean-shaven and his facial hair was in the sandpaper stage, and you look like a burn victim or like you’ve had a herpes break out… run, don’t walk, to Erewhon or whole foods or any other new age-y natural foods or homeopathic store and buy emu oil! it’s a godsend! it works even better than neosporin! you’re welcome! emu oil! who knew?

7. carbs, scrunchies, and roller blades are in fashion again.

8. only date ‘verifieds’.

9. REAL friends don’t let you take home a ‘to go’ box!

10. start referring to anyone cool or noteworthy that you’ve ever gone on a date with, kissed, or simply met as your ex boyfriend/girlfriend. it really makes your life story more colorful!

 

PS: i I LOVE THIS VIDEO. OUR NATURAL STATE. WATCH ALL THE WAY THROUGH, TO THE END – IT’S THE BEST PART:

ALEXI RECOMMENDS: Eugene Kotlyarenko’s “Feast of Burden”



Watch all 12! I DID! You won’t regret it!

Tonight 9pm “Boycrazy Radio” w/ ARIEL PINK! Call in! xx

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Tonight/Wednesday March 27, 2013 9pm pst join me during ‘Boycrazy Radio’

 

Call in to ask a question, so together we can discuss and solve all your love, sex, dating, & overall life problems: 

(646) 378-0649

 

Click HERE to listen to LIVE show.

 

If you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

If you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message in the boycrazy voice-mailbox: (888)666-2045

 

Follow me on twitter @imboycrazy  

 

Subscribe to ‘Boycrazy Radio’ on iTunes

 

Listen to previous episodes of ‘Boycrazy Radio’ below:

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

a momentary rant on love and despair:

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one time, i felt like this. i was dating the wrong person. i was confused. i felt stuck. so i wrote this to try to make sense of it all. cognitive behavioral therapy on myself.

what the fuck is going on? i’m a romantic. i swear. i am such a romantic. but lately, i keep hearing the same things from men… some of whom i’ve been on dates with or guys who i THINK think they’re flirting or even bonding with me- i keep hearing about how men aren’t wired for monogamy or that it’s boring or unrealistic. this info on a date i’m on with a guy, coupled with the fact that i feel like i haven’t dated anyone who’s crazy enough about me to want me to be their girlfriend in about a year- is beginning to break my heart and cause me to lose faith in love or the idea that men actually maybe like and want to be in relationships too. i’m not even sure about the guy or if i like him that much before he’s clubbing me over the head with unromantic rationale.

i wonder if part of the reason for the responses i’m getting is because i have this website (too meta and or self referential? sorry. this one time only. actually, that’s probs a lie) and guys either don’t wanna date me because of it, or men have some misinformed idea that i don’t believe in a committed relationship, or they feel they can tell me their innermost thoughts on love/sex/dating/and relationshipps because they know i’m facinated by it and write about it. but in doing so, i become their friend; the bubble bursts and romance is debunked…leaving me feeling a bit hopeless on love.

i know i’ve felt it (love). i know i’ve been in amazing relationships. and the men i experienced them with would agree. i know what love can feel like…. and i haven’t felt it in a while.

i’m so sick of men i date telling me about how marriage and monogamy or whatever is unrealistic. or telling me about ex’s, etc. (even though i’m guilty of this too- i have made a new rule not to talk about ex’s with guys i might want to date) where is the mystery? what happened to the mystery? i want to believe in love and romance! i know it exists! i see it! i’ve felt it! i’ve had it!

but i feel cold and dead inside… today. i will change my mind in an hour or tomorrow…  but you’ve caught me in a moment.

men i’ve met at the community table at m cafe or guys i’ve dated or just men i know or whatever tell me that they’re not satisfied. that they want the next best thing or something new or to cheat or to be alone or whatever!

but i also see married couples that seem happy and like best friends!

AND i see married couples that are young, but look dead inside, who don’t have sex anymore.

i talk to married men who complain about being married and flirt with women who aren’t their wives and say ‘of course i want to fuck other women, i’m a man’

it all just seems hopeless.

it’s seems like the idea of being in love is now just a bubble that will ultimately burst after a few months, but for me… date #2.

here’s my theory, i don’t even know if i’ll ever want to/or be asked to get married (again, cuz i was engaged when i was 21) but this is what i think the key to happiness is when it comes to love and dating and relationships:

meet someone who you’re attracted to, who you have great physical chemistry with, who you respect and who makes you laugh, and vice versa. and be their gf or bf (which means being monogamous) ONLY if the idea of losing them or them with another person makes you feel like you’re being punched in the stomach.

then stay with that person until you’re no longer compelled to. this doesn’t mean that every day will be great; but even when you have fights or are having a hard time with someone, you can still have a desire to be with them. however, the minute you honestly don’t feel the relationship is worth fighting for… get out of there as gracefully and in the kindest way possible.

but the shitty thing is, people aren’t honest with their partner or even WORSE: themselves. they stay in relationships years longer than they should. when they were miserable 10 months in but too much of a coward to leave. they cheat and could potentially bring diseases back into their partners bed, (their partner who is under the impression that they’re partaking in a monogamous relationship).

see, you can have whatever relationship you want: monogamous, open, no relationship, whatevs… as long as your partner is on the same page. and the relationship might morph and change so the two parties have to check in with each other and communicate! but people hate communication. they’re terrified of conflict and everyone’s such a people pleaser they just do and say what they think their partner wants to hear or believe! and then vent and complain to strangers. ugh!

i feel like i’m pretty clear on all this. so until i find someone who wants to do this with me that i have chemistry with and am fascinated by… my search continues. but hearing so many men tell me that men and women are wired differently lately has done my head in. yes, i get it! i heard you loud and clear 4 dudes on separate occasions this past week who said this to me: ‘men can get 10 girls pregnant in one day, but a woman can get pregnant once and be donzo for 9 months.’ or ‘it’s different for a woman.’ FUCK YOU!  i get it. but women aren’t fucking naive. we love sex and crave newness too! women cheat too. we date younger men who are hot and firm and stylish with tons of energy who can make us cum over and over again with an outlook on the world that keeps us young and current. look at madonna! and women are crazy career driven too. women can be just as boycrazy as men are girlcrazy. obviously. nowadays, women care more about making a career/money/and a life for themselves than having a baby! wake the fuck up dudes! so don’t you look at me and tell me we’re so different.

and also, i have to remind myself, that i’ve met men who actually like relationships. i’ve met men who are romantics and sensitive and need arms to crawl into. i’ve often been the cold fish robot who turns off her emotions to a man when he puts his heart on the line or offers it up on a silver platter. in a way this is a letter to myself to remind myself that romance and love are real and no matter how many men tell me otherwise, i’m not gonna feel stupid or naive for thinking magic happens… at least during the first 6 months. jesus!

maybe my blawg has fucked me. maybe the small pool of men i’ve dated who even know about this silly thing have rattled me a bit because they think they know my inner monologue when i’m just trying to kiss them… i’m actually at my most calm and meditative when i’m kissing and sexxxing. that’s something i’ve only just realized. it’s when i actually turn my brain off.

my hyper self awareness and sensitivity makes me think too much and ask too many questions and feel too many feelings. it’s exhausting. especially for the men who date me.

i like powerful successful men, or men who are experts/masters at what they do- whatever it is. which is probably why i am feeling this way tonight. because that highlights the type of man who has many choices, so why would he want monogamy? why would he seek the benefits of a relationship when you could be with a different girl every night and focus on work and be a perma adolescent? that’s how i feel about relationships most of the time. i make my own living, i’ve never looked to a guy to support me, and i don’t like to waste time dating people i have luke warm feelings about when i could be with friends/family/or making stuff… creatively and financially. But then i remember how good  falling and being in love felt. and even though i can barely remember, i know it’s the best thing in the world and something worth experiencing. it’s what books and movies and songs, and even babies are about (well, at least some babies).

so even though i’m fine on my own, and i’m selfish and grapple with my ego and self-importance and realizing my goals/dreams… even though i don’t feel incomplete without a bf, i’d still love it if i fell in love. who wouldn’t? which is why when i do go on a first or a few dates with someone and the vibe seems to be too rooted in logic and reality and brass tax and even though we’re holding hands or on a ‘romantic date’ but the idea that monogamy is for suckers and unrealistic… it just makes me think, ‘why are we doing this’? we need the mystery to create the love bubble. we need to put the logic and ‘bro out / best friend chatter’ to the wayside to give romance and love at least a chance to happen. otherwise, it’s like hanging out with a pal. gross. it’s like we all know too much now. we’ve seen everything fail or work SOMETIMES. we read blogs about celebrities and think ‘if they can’t make it work, WHO can?’ or ‘they look like how it should be, i only want that.’ ugh, now i’m rambling. ha. now?

to continue with that theme: if and when you do meet a new person all over again and you’re attracted and fascinated and there’s a mutual willingness and desire to keep seeing each other and get closer… that’s a whole other terrifying can of worms. being vulnerable with someone? existing with them in silence? trusting and believing they just like you? suddenly feeling exposed and seen? having to worry about being naked with them? being hyper sensitive with them , when normally you wouldn’t if you were just with someone you didn’t really care about, and a single comment could hurt your feelings? that is terrifying.

the other day, i contemplated just shutting off emotionally. it would be so much easier. with no feelings and without the ability to be emotionally available, no one could hurt me. i think i might try that.

-after i wrote this, i spoke to men who validated the idea that some guys do prefer committed relationships. they like monogamy. they told me that after a while, being single began to feel like ‘groundhogs day’. these men validated an idea or type of man who i’d thought went out the window: the kind of man who wants to be his best and do whatever he can to make the woman he’s with happy and her life better. that was a relief. cuz i know i have that desire and ability in myself when it comes to being truly/madly/deeply in love. 

i might have to restructure this website of mine and make it lean more on the side of being a big sister type thing and lead with my podcast or giving advice or answering questions and of course, the blind leading the blind. maybe the title of the site alone is what skews mens opinion of me or gives them the impression they can tell me everything; or that i’m probably a slut; or makes them scared of me cuz they think i might write about them.

or maybe i just havent met the right guy. someone who likes my openness, but knows i feel deeply about things and am very sensitive; who knows i’m not out to ruin people’s lives or expose them in anyway-with the things i write about on this site.

i know there are many right guys. but maybe i havent met one recently who i vibe with in the way i want to; where at least our differences balance us out and make us stronger and happy and comfortable.

…at least one who is sure of me and doesn’t keep sprinkling in reminders that love or relationships are unrealistic to him.

but then again, i want and i want and i want people to be open to me/with me; to be vulnerable or give me their hearts and trust me and all that… but sometimes i wonder: i don’t love everyone i meet. i’m busy and closed off to a lot of people. so i need to make sure my need for someone to be open with me isn’t just my ego needing to be fed. i need to keep the part of me that behaves like an emotional vampire at bay. i used to do that a long time ago. collect hearts for sport. it’s mean and unnecessarily complicates your life.

but i still think talking about ex’s and how monogamy isn’t possible, ON A SECOND DATE, is just bad etiquette! i mean, use your brain guys! and yes, i know girls are totally guilty of this too.

but all of this dating stuff and meeting people is a delicate dance. cuz all it takes is one person that clicks in just the right way… and then all these bizarro, klunky, not quite right fits will all make sense. they weren’t meant to… because they needed to keep me open for the one who is most right for me.



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