naked in bed with boys i don’t love (part 1 of a gazillion):

so much stuff has happened. i haven’t written about my personal life in a while. i’ve been wanting to, but every time i tried to force myself… i’d do every other thing possible to avoid sitting down and writing. and i’ve been up to so much too! i’ve been having so many adventures, i’ve been using that as an excuse for not writing ‘well i’m too busy collecting stories.’ or ‘i can’t beat myself up for not writing because this is the down time where i’m supposed to experience things and reflect and…. zzzzzzz’. so now i’m sitting down and facing myself. what the fuck have i been up to? what the fuck have i been doing? where do i even start? i got out of a relationship… and the dude i dated is so unattractive to me now, i can’t even look back. however… the sex was great and he was kind. but given the opportunity, i will never sleep with him again. i call that ‘moving backwards’. i’m not saying the stories i’m about to tell you don’t involve me sleeping with guys i vowed never to mess around with again… i just mean, not THAT guy. even as we were breaking up; as i sat in his car during that cliché uncomfortable silence that happens when you sit in a car at night with the person you’re about to not be in a relationship with anymore… while i was semi tearing up, i was doing an internal inventory of the boys i’d been wanting to sleep with/guys i could potentially hook up with now that i was single! guys i’d met, known, seen that i thought ‘hmm… if and when i become single, he seems neat/sexy/cool/interesting… (or) i’d really love to make-out/be fucked by that guy!’ but no one even came to mind!

immediately after the break up, i just kept moving forward (like a shark?) for a moment i was fixated on a guy who was married but that’s not my style. i know better. and that momentary crush dissipated quickly. next i slept with a guy i’d met through a friend. over drinks, he gave me the impression he had split from his girlfriend. but after we slept together, he told me he was married, but that they were in a ‘weird place and taking space’. what the fuck? um, why didn’t anyone think to tell me about this? where was the wedding ring he was supposed to be wearing? why didn’t i know this before he asked me to drinks? fuck! even though this was not my problem, this was definitely NOT the type of experience i wanted to continue or repeat. we remained friends (and by friends, i mean casual acquaintances) but before we said goodbye, i talked to him for a very long while (over the phone) about his options/what his behavior meant. i tried to help him look at himself. but all he had were answers that made him feel less guilty and as if he had his life all figured out/wrapped up in a bow/and an excuse for everything. ha! i was already used to this type of lying one does to ones self from my conversations with the previous married guy i’d tried to psychoanalyze. i was very familiar with this bizarro compartmentalizing and rationalizing people who are too scared to just follow their heart do. they like to explain away to whoever will listen… but really, they’re talking to themselves.

i only had enough energy to say a few words to the guy. cuz this type of convo is exhausting and more often than not, results in nothing changing:  ‘jesus fucking christ, the golden rule is treat people the way you want to be treated! if you don’t want to be with her, leave. the world won’t implode. you’ll both be okay. you’ll be doing each other a service. thank god you two don’t have kids! get out before she accidentally gets pregnant! or what if you cheat on her and get a disease and then give it to HER?! this isn’t ok! how would you feel if your wife walked around without a ring on, acted as if she were single, and slept with someone? probably not so good!’ ‘but she wouldn’t be able to survive without me. she’d crumble. she’s not strong enough. i wait around cuz maybe it’ll get better.’ ‘but how hard is it supposed to be? you’re still young! it’s not supposed to be this hard! you cheated! the trust is gone! this is not ok! oh, you think she wouldn’t be ok without you? she’d crumble? oh, really? fuck you! that is so self-indulgent! she’d be fine! believe me! do her a favor and end it! let her show you how fine she’d be! you’re being a pussy! you’re lying to yourself because you’re scared to be alone, you’re a people pleaser, and you want it both ways! That’s not ok!’

He decided to stay with his wife. yikes. these two back to back experiences with unhappy, confused, unavailable men made me question love/monogamy/and marriage… for a SECOND. then i remembered (after talking to dr. drew during one of my 7th grade style call in’s to loveline on kroq) that these are two very specific cases and don’t represent all men. phew. but why was i attracting such emotionally confused and unavailable men? was it because they were a reflection of me? was i just as confused and unavailable as them? or did they need to meet me because i was the perfect person to have a conversation with to send them back in the right direction… whatever that means? or at least a direction toward living a more clear and honest life? hmmm. who knows? but it didn’t go un-looked at on my end.

next, i went on a date with a SINGLE guy: tall, young, beautiful and totally wrong for me because i was completely uninterested in nearly everything he had to say. i didn’t want to be… but i was. we were in very different place in our lives. he gave me an epic guitar lesson… and that was the highlight. i wished it had been just that. i could have kept having him show me chords forever. he was such a wonderful teacher. thanks to him and our date, i realized that there’s a big difference between being able to play guitar and being able to teach guitar or teach anything in general. you can be a master at something, but it’s a completely different skill to be able to teach someone something. teaching takes patience and the art of communicating clearly.  he was lovely, just not for me. we did not have sex; but he DID try to lick my privates… and i appreciate that!

i had lost a lot of weight at the tail end of my relationship because i’d been stressed from work. however, the week my relationship ended (in an empty indian restaurant on ventura blvd aka ‘the valley’ btw) my life suddenly slowed down. i feared i’d put weight back on… and i did. not a ton. i just went back to my normal self. no big deal. but i used this as an excuse to go into lock down mode. i needed to be alone. i needed to mourn the death of my relationship. i didn’t feel sexy. i didn’t want to be touched. i stayed in and watched bad tv- reality show bullshit, movies, the original 90210, sex and the city, something borrowed, an unmarried woman, broken english. i picked at my skin and tried to self sabotage….

and then out of nowhere, something shifted. i was in a weird place. NO, a NEW weird place. i was (metaphorically speaking) in a waiting room – work wise. i’d had all these meetings about projects and stuff and whatever and now all i could do was wait to hear back from the powers that be.

and even though i was continuing to wake up, breathe, eat, sleep, podcast, do some mediocre blawging and run errands, i felt aimless and a bit hopeless. but my previous isolated/internal depression turned into something else. i felt like i had nothing to lose.

i woke up one day and i no longer cared to stay in all night watching bad tv, hiding up in my apartment.

i wanted to be reckless and get drunk and make out and have sex and adventures. i didn’t give a fuck! was it because it was getting warmer out? no. i was living by a new code. i had a subconscious (now conscious) mantra going on in the back of my mind: ‘we’re all gonna die. it’s just a matter of when and how. so collect as many adventures as possible.’ and that’s when shit got exciting. this is just an intro to the stories to come… (to be continued)

tonight: ‘boycrazy radio!’ (cancelled!)

tonight/wednesday may 30, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

 

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

reader submission: ‘too young to be so bitter’

Dear Alexi,

I live in Canada and am 22 years old. My problem is that I am bitter
towards love. Let me give you a little history… I dated my first
boyfriend when I was 19. We dated for 2 and a half years and at the time I
felt just like any other girl in love (butterflies, stars and rainbows!).
However, we broke up 8 months ago and I feel as though I’ve moved on.
However, ever since we broke up, my mindset towards any type of
relationship has taken a flip. I see my friends in relationships and think
to myself “they will never last”. In general, I am a happy and fun-loving
person but I don’t see the point in dating anybody when I know that it is
never going to end well. I know that eventually I’ll find someone more
compatible with me than my ex but what’s to stop that relationship from
failing? People inevitably change and therefore the relationship is
inevitably going to fall apart. I can get sex if that’s what I need,
without committing to anybody – so why would I? My friends call me smart
because I don’t fall for guys bullshit and can keep a clear head when i
like somebody. But this is just a result of me not wanting to pursue them.

I am too young to be this bitter! What do you think? Do you think maybe I
am just not completely over the emotional shock of going through a break
up? And how can I overcome this?!

Hope that you can help!!!

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

tonight: ‘Boycrazy Radio!’ (tune in & call in)

tonight/wednesday may 23, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

the blind leading the blind (part 88):

1. costume parties are so bossy! RSVP: NO!

2. don’t WRITE tweets, COMPOSE them.

3. don’t date/engage with people who wear fedoras. just trust me.

4. stop worrying about people liking you. you should be more concerned with whether or not you like them!

5. in a way, the casual unannounced drop by is the best thing in the world because it immediately shows you who to cut out of your life.

6. the best part about inviting a boy over to your house instead of going out, is that you don’t have to choose shoes that go with your outfit. you can just answer the door barefoot! this is when you can showcase all the outfits  you don’t have shoes for!!! #yay!

7. before you start telling all of your friends all of your dating/ life drama… hold back. you don’t need all your fucked up friends (this includes your parents) weighing in on your life. keep a little something for you, and be your own life advisor!

8. whenever you’re starving and about to bite into some sort of food that looks like it might give you food poisoning… always remember: at least there’s a chance you’ll lose seven pounds. seven pounds!

9. you know someone REALLY thinks your text was funny when they respond: ‘haaggahaha!’ dont you see?! They think you’re sooo unbelievably funny and are laughing sooo hard for real, that they be typo-ing all over the muthah-fuckin place and hitting that ‘g’ by mistake!! may ALL your texts warrant a ‘haaggahahagag’ reply!

10. i know you’re saving your fancy purse for a special occasion (and no, I’m not talking about your vagina.) But what if you die tomorrow? Every day is a special occasion.

reader submission: ‘some honest truths’

Dear Alexi

I want to share very hard but important lessons learned this year:

1. Sometimes that “feeling” in the pit of your stomach, is just plain ol awkwardness.

2. Sometimes it’s not magic or fate, but a coincidence.

3. Sometimes he doesn’t secretly love you, and genuinely LIKES you as a friend because you’re awesome.

4. Sometimes there is a bit of sexual tension, but then again you are wearing a tight-ass dress.  Can you blame him for looking?

5. Sometimes he talks to you because you are down to earth, not because he wants to be your boyfriend.


Just wanted to share some honest truths. You are a brave soul, keep it coming!


JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

the blind leading the blind (part 87):

1. if you’re too embarrassed to tell your therapist what’s going on in your life… it’s time to SLOW DOWN and reevaluate your choices.

2. it makes me soooo happy when my life seems to follow the same path Starbucks decided to build in. #yay

3. just because he’s in a band doesn’t mean he’s cool.

4. I wonder how much money I would make if I got one of those ‘square’ devices and charged people to see my boobs.

5. I feel the same way about face-book’s timeline as i did about Felicity’s haircut: sometimes change ISN’T for the better!

6. break up! you’re miserable. you’ll thank me later!

7. Sometimes something as simple as a calf stretch can change everything!!!

8. Remember flash mobs? Yeah, me neither.

9. I mean, essentially, fruit flavored mentos are just really big pastel skittles.

10. Ugh, you DON’T have Thai iced tea?! I THOUGHT this was a sushi restaurant!!! Gawd!

ps: 

let me speak at YOUR high school! you WON’T regret it… but the faculty might

tonight: ‘Boycrazy Radio!’ (tune in & call in)

tonight/wednesday may 9, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

short filmz

reader submission: ‘playing hard to get’

Dear Alexi,

I’m dying to know your opinion on playing hard to get with guys –

This email has come about as a result of a recently failed “relationship.”

Here’s the background – we met through mutual friends and had been dating for a few weeks – he would always be the one to call/text me to ask me out and generally made me feel like he was interested in me.  I’ve always been a believer that if a guy really likes you he’ll make the effort to pursue you and that men HATE being pursued by women –  because women who pursue are perceived as “desperate” and “needy.”  Anyway, I decided that I liked him and threw my rule book out the window so to speak and initiated conversation/asked him out twice in one weekend.  He politely turned me down both times and has since disappeared from my life (despite having taken the time a mere few days earlier to call and sweetly wish me happy birthday).

This situation, while trivial, really got me thinking about playing hard to get and whether it’s a bunch of bullshit or something women need to do to avoid the clingy/needy/desperate stereotype we are so often labeled with.  Do you find that the majority of guys you date dislike women that are forward/ask them out/call them etc.? Or am I stuck dating the same type of neanderthal that thinks it’s 1955 over and over again?  Why does being real and asking out a guy when I want to see him seem to freak them out?

Are guys more attracted to women who behave passively at the beginning of a relationship?

Love,

Sick of playing games <3

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU



Page 30 of 95« First...1020...2829303132...405060...Last »