reader submission: ‘some honest truths’

Dear Alexi

I want to share very hard but important lessons learned this year:

1. Sometimes that “feeling” in the pit of your stomach, is just plain ol awkwardness.

2. Sometimes it’s not magic or fate, but a coincidence.

3. Sometimes he doesn’t secretly love you, and genuinely LIKES you as a friend because you’re awesome.

4. Sometimes there is a bit of sexual tension, but then again you are wearing a tight-ass dress.  Can you blame him for looking?

5. Sometimes he talks to you because you are down to earth, not because he wants to be your boyfriend.


Just wanted to share some honest truths. You are a brave soul, keep it coming!


JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

the blind leading the blind (part 87):

1. if you’re too embarrassed to tell your therapist what’s going on in your life… it’s time to SLOW DOWN and reevaluate your choices.

2. it makes me soooo happy when my life seems to follow the same path Starbucks decided to build in. #yay

3. just because he’s in a band doesn’t mean he’s cool.

4. I wonder how much money I would make if I got one of those ‘square’ devices and charged people to see my boobs.

5. I feel the same way about face-book’s timeline as i did about Felicity’s haircut: sometimes change ISN’T for the better!

6. break up! you’re miserable. you’ll thank me later!

7. Sometimes something as simple as a calf stretch can change everything!!!

8. Remember flash mobs? Yeah, me neither.

9. I mean, essentially, fruit flavored mentos are just really big pastel skittles.

10. Ugh, you DON’T have Thai iced tea?! I THOUGHT this was a sushi restaurant!!! Gawd!

ps: 

let me speak at YOUR high school! you WON’T regret it… but the faculty might

tonight: ‘Boycrazy Radio!’ (tune in & call in)

tonight/wednesday may 9, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

short filmz

reader submission: ‘playing hard to get’

Dear Alexi,

I’m dying to know your opinion on playing hard to get with guys –

This email has come about as a result of a recently failed “relationship.”

Here’s the background – we met through mutual friends and had been dating for a few weeks – he would always be the one to call/text me to ask me out and generally made me feel like he was interested in me.  I’ve always been a believer that if a guy really likes you he’ll make the effort to pursue you and that men HATE being pursued by women –  because women who pursue are perceived as “desperate” and “needy.”  Anyway, I decided that I liked him and threw my rule book out the window so to speak and initiated conversation/asked him out twice in one weekend.  He politely turned me down both times and has since disappeared from my life (despite having taken the time a mere few days earlier to call and sweetly wish me happy birthday).

This situation, while trivial, really got me thinking about playing hard to get and whether it’s a bunch of bullshit or something women need to do to avoid the clingy/needy/desperate stereotype we are so often labeled with.  Do you find that the majority of guys you date dislike women that are forward/ask them out/call them etc.? Or am I stuck dating the same type of neanderthal that thinks it’s 1955 over and over again?  Why does being real and asking out a guy when I want to see him seem to freak them out?

Are guys more attracted to women who behave passively at the beginning of a relationship?

Love,

Sick of playing games <3

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

the blind leading the blind (part 86):

1. sometimes who you don’t sleep with is even more important than who you DO sleep with.

2. one of the worst things about the iPhone is when you’re about to take a photo and you turn on the camera and the camera’s facing you and you see yourself from an angle that makes you cringe! an angle you’ve never seen before, didn’t even know existed, and makes you want to die!

3. remember how it was all about coconut water, and then it wasn’t. Well it’s all about coconut water again! I know. Me too.

4. before you start questioning your self-worth because a guy isn’t texting or calling you like your ego would like him to… decide if you even like HIM! cuz chances are, you might not even like him anyway.

5. dear dudes, a random text at two in the morning that says “so when are we making out?” doesn’t do it for me or any other girls with self-respect, who are worth dating. but, then again, you probably have no interest in actually dating… so come on over! sorry i overreacted.

6. do something that scares you every day!

7. when referring to yourself as someone who wants to do something/achieve something: it’s ‘aspiring’ not ‘inspiring’. but i’d rather you didn’t refer to yourself as being an ‘aspiring’ anything… cuz it just makes you sound like a loser who will never actually achieve whatever bullshit it is you aspire to achieve to begin with. good talk.

8. referring to your stomach as your ‘tummy tum’ is adorable, and totally NOT annoying.

9. hey, asshole: wait till people come out of the elevator or train before you go in!

10. I don’t believe in bumper stickers! And neither should you.

 

Tonight: ‘Boycrazy Radio!’ w/ special guest Erin Garcia aka BOBBY EVANS (tune in,call in)

tonight/wednesday may 2, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

with special guest: ERIN GARCIA aka BOBBY EVANS

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

and so it was…

at the expense of my own feelings, i’m happy that i could help wake someone up in regards to his life/happiness/and responsibilities. i got sucked into a situation out of nowhere, and was all of a sudden an unavailable mans crush. i kept reminding him that this wasn’t ok and that he needed to evaluate his life… and somewhere in between flirting sessions and my stern voice of reason (and a lot of moments of me loving and indulging in the attention and wishing he could be mine) he finally woke up and i went the complete other way and fell in ‘like’ with him. what began with him being vulnerable, ended with me being the one exposed and vulnerable. but that’s ok. if all it took was my hearts reciprocation, mixed with a handful of mini lectures from me to him about my feeling sorry for him and him needing to sort his life out and get his affairs in order… cuz this wasn’t an ideal situation for any of the parties involved-to make him stop living in a fantasy land/avoiding his problems/ and sleepwalking through life… than that was ok. i know i’ll be fine. for me this was a blip (albeit, emotional) that fed my ego and was slightly entertaining and exciting… but mostly painful. and despite my vulnerability in the end, i wasn’t at all embarrassed or regretful… i was happy our paths crossed and i could help steer him in the right direction. a direction that would give him clarity and resolve, whatever he decided to do… as opposed to confusing the issue more and creating a painful situation for my heart. yeah, maybe he’ll find clarity… or maybe he’ll just find another girl. one who makes it easier, has weaker morals, less self-respect, and low self-esteem.

tonight: ‘Boycrazy Radio!’ (tune in & call in)

tonight/wednesday april 25, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it!

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

a momentary distraction…

once upon a time, a long long time ago… i met a boy. he sought me out, and i didn’t really understand why. he was so many things, all at once:

cute and neat and fucked up and manic and talented and kooky and weird and inspiring and manipulative and charismatic, and in the most technical sense, unavailable. i was drawn to him, even though i knew better. he made me happy and excited. he made my heart beat faster. he confused me, and made me feel as though he might be lying to me the majority of the time, mixed with the vibe that he was being more candid with me than anyone else is capable of. but i’ll make that description sound more romantic and upbeat by summing it up as: he intrigued me. i felt special around him. i saw me in him. and although we never had sex, there were nights where i thought about him inside me. but these were only occasional/passing fantasies in my mind’s eye, while i lay in the dark. but overall the connection was more emotional, and cerebral than anything else… but only because we couldn’t be physical. he was spoken for. but why did he seek me out? why was he doing this to me? was he a bipolar, ego maniacal, monster? or did he really just like me and this was a complicated situation? was i living in my own woody allen movie? how exciting! but why did this feel way less funny and glamorous and more like a constant power/ego struggle?

most of the time, i didn’t trust a word he said. it was like he was trying to cast a spell on me, but he didn’t realize i was the wrong girl to do that with. i needed a distraction just as badly as he did, but the difference between us was that i was completely free and had nothing to lose and could do whatever i want… and was too smart to fall for his bullshit or believe his explanations of ‘how things were and why they were that way and what it all was, what it might be like if we were in love, if we were together, but why we couldn’t be together… at least for now. blah blah blah’ but HE was the one tied to a life he was unsure of. not me. the joke was on him.

at first i wasn’t even attracted to him. but then he won me over. i gave in to his advances and attention. fuck! i got sucked in. how did this happen?

he promised me nothing, so he was guilty of nothing… right? i mean, i wasn’t even asking for anything. i just wanted him to admit that he was being reckless with someones feelings. mine. well, not JUST mine.

i could see him and his situation so clearly. he had so many issues and obstacles and responsibilities he was trying to compartmentalize and ignore. i saw this. and he did too, i think. but while he thought he was explaining things away to me and convincing me of something and manipulating me, even though it may have only been benevolent and sub conscious… ultimately i felt sorry for him. i was just a by-product of his unhappiness/unfulfillment. but now i was emotionally involved. i mean, i’m ONLY human!

i was drawn to him because i found him fascinating (but i’m sure it had to do with daddy issues and an inclination to be attracted to unavailable dudes too) and i wanted a play thing too, just like he did. but more than anything, i wanted him to be the EXCEPTION to the rule. a concept he threw out to me when i’d been more cavalier about the whole situation. (i wanted to believe that i was special and that he really liked ME and his attention/crush on me was a unique situation. one that he’d never experienced. after all, there are no rules, right? weirder shit happens all the time, right? oh jesus. i knew i was lying to myself. he was getting in my head. fuck! i was so much better than this, so much smarter than this!) and yes, i didn’t feel safe with him… at all, and i never would. because the ideal man you fall in love with is one that makes you feel safe and is impeccable with his word, and this guy was NOT that guy. but this was a delicate dance i was willing to try… for at least a little while. some days i felt romantic. some days i felt annoyed. but mostly i was excited to be distracted and live in a grey zone for a bit. i tried to lie to myself and tell myself i was just as emotionally unavailable as him. but that was a lie. i was available. i could be available. and that was the most heartbreaking thing about all this… if i were allowed to, i would have loved to be completely FULL BLOWN in love with him! instead, i told myself that i was too busy and too smart to fall into this emotional death trap… at least whole heartedly… but i was falling more and more every day, against my better judgement.

i told myself it wouldn’t get hard for me or be hurtful for me as long as i knew that i couldn’t get vulnerable. but as tough as i pretend to be… i’m painfully vulnerable. and our phone calls, texts, and casual flirty asides just sucked me in more and did my head in. i liked him. i wanted to be with him. even though i’d never be able to trust him because the foundation of our relationship was cracked and the situation in which we’d met was shady. how did i let this happen?

there were moments i got sad about it; because had this been someone (just as funny and cute and inspiring) who was as free/available as me… it could have been the most wonderful, explosive, crazy, passionate, creative experience/union ever! with limitless possibilities for romance and adventure and epic sexxx. but this just wasn’t the case. at least it made me clear on what i longed for; what i craved and would hopefully find with someone else in the future… be it near or far. at least this unavailable person gave me a bittersweet taste of that… and i didn’t hate him for it. i was frustrated, but thankful. and maybe we would even at least be friends for a long time? (i doubt it.)

so, for whatever reason, i pushed logic aside because it’s what i felt compelled to get mixed up in. i needed to do this. and by ‘do this’ i just mean keep him in my life/be around him… even though i knew this wouldn’t end well (for me) and that he was really selfish to seek me out, get in my head, and play with my heart/affections… when ultimately, he’d NEVER be available to me.

but at that time in my life, i needed this distraction to get me to my NEXT distraction/life lesson. i needed a beautiful mind fuck. it’s not cheating if it’s MIND fucking… right?