I was hoping for your subjective older sisterly advice. My name is Zoe, I’m seventeen, and I live in Colorado. I have a good friend of mine who lives in Virginia that may or may not be interested in me. Lately he has said some things to me that lead me to believe that he is. A few nights ago, he called me to catch up, but there were a few nuances to the conversation that might mean something more in the grand scheme of things. He mentioned while he was on the phone with me that he didn’t know if he was single or not and was talking about his girl drama, but I thought it was interesting that he would call me now, when he might be single. I’ve noticed a pattern with him where he barely talks to me, if at all, when he has a girlfriend, which makes me think maybe there’s a reason for that. I don’t know if he initiates that or if his girlfriends do because he tends to date jealous types, but it makes me wonder if he considers me more than a friend. If I was just a friend to him, it shouldn’t matter to his girlfriend or him that he would talk to me. In fairness, I did date him two years ago, but that was long distance. Also, in this conversation, I was telling him my boy drama and he was getting worked up, which reminded me of every other time I’ve told him my guy troubles. Whenever I mention guys that are interested in me to him, he either laughs them off as lame, gets upset and tells me they’re jerks, or, like he did in this conversation, found humor in the situation while simultaneously getting worked up, which turns into him just making fun of these guys. Mind you, he does this even when I am in no way interested in the guy. I used to think it was him being of protective of me because as my friend, he didn’t want to see me get hurt, but I’m starting to think it’s more possessive and out of jealousy.
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1. if the most exciting thing in your life is that you forgot you posted a pic on insta and now you’re excited to check and see how many likes and comments you received… you are leading an extremely weak life.
2. girls. although i can see why it might be fun and add a sense of urgency and excitement to your life; running out of tampons and waiting until you’re actually having your period – to the point of leaking – to run to the drugstore to buy more tampons, is an embarrassing accident waiting to happen.
3. prefer surface streets.
4. new goal, try to exhaust your boyfriend less this week.
5. cab drivers, especially the ones in New York, will always give better advice than any uber driver ever could.
6. guys! make spotify playlists for the girl you like! it’s SO romantic and so EASY! wake up! for the love of god, do SOMETHING! ANYTHING!
7. never text the director of the film you’re watching while you are watching it. it will only annoy him and garner a response like ‘stop texting and watch!’
8. at some point in your relationship, in order to get to the next level and graduate to real intimacy, you MUST surrender to trusting the person you’re with and believing that they love you, won’t hurt you, and mean what they say. you might even think you’re doing that with the person you’re with now, but look closely at yourself. take a moment to think about how you feel. are you always mad at him? do you start fights for no reason; to push him away? to test him? do you get jealous for no real reason other than the fact that you assume the worst – even though he hasn’t done anything except follow a person of the opposite sex on instagram? take all of this into consideration and ask yourself ‘do i still have one foot in and one foot out? do i still doubt him? do i still have him at arms distance, but it’s so subconscious i don’t even realize it?’ just think about it.
9. let’s bring the word ‘queer’ back! it’s so much more colorful than ‘bisexual’ or ‘gay’. plus it’s so fun to say and makes me feel all squirmy and alive! just try it! let me know how it makes YOU feel! even the facial responses you’ll get after making the decision to use this word instead of another are fun to watch. #yolo
10. whichever law & order series you choose as your favorite says a LOT about you. my favorite is svu. : /
I can read a man like a book. But I haven’t always been that way. I had to get seriously played to learn the game. (So to speak. I can’t stand games. It’s a figure of speech.) In other words, I’ve been hurt, surprised, upset, shocked, duped, and manipulated enough to consider myself a seasoned dater. It doesn’t take me long to figure a man out and it isn’t complicated. You just have to be willing to admit the truth of what you see to yourself. Here is a short list of things I have learned from my dating experiences with men. I know you have a short attention span so I tried to keep it brief for you. You’re welcome. Here it goes…
•If a man takes you to a restaurant where everyone knows him and waits on him hand and foot, you are not special. That’s where he takes all of his dates.
•If he refuses to get a pedicure because it’s not manly, he will not go with you to see a therapist to work on your relationship issues. He has too much pride.
•If he says he doesn’t like drama, he will be the one to create it.
•If he tries to have sex with you without a condom on your first date, he does that with every woman he meets. Good luck when you get an STD test.
•If he doesn’t call or text the day after you have sex with him for the first time, he’s not going to be your boyfriend.
•If he artfully changes the subject when you ask him if he’s married, he’s married.
•If he doesn’t walk you to your car at the end of the night he isn’t a caring, conscientious person.
•If he calls you to tell you he’s driving in your neighborhood but doesn’t come over to fuck you he has a small penis.
•If he calls you “sweetie”, “honey”, or “baby” before you actually get to know him well, he doesn’t respect women. He may call your mother that when he first meets her.
•If he says, “you need to relax” or “you’re overreacting” when you’re sharing your feelings, he’s emotionally immature and incapable of listening and hearing you.If you can’t tell whether he’s gay or straight, he’s gay.
•If he’s a recovering drug addict or alcoholic, he likely won’t recover from narcissism.
•If you only hear from him every once in a while and there is no consistency in his communication he’s not that excited about you. He won’t wake up one day and change his mind.
•If he’s an asshole or a douche… he’s an asshole or a douche. If you try to change him you will make yourself crazy.
A man who is healthy, mature, and respectful will be straightforward, honest, and considerate. He will handle his business. He will honor you and be genuine about his intentions. He won’t lie or act like an immature idiot. He won’t have anything to prove. He will get it. Wait for him. He’s worth it.
I’m still waiting for my guy that’s for sure. If you know of anyone, please let me know. In the meantime you can find me cuddling on a Friday night with my four-legged sexless lesbian lover (AKA my dog.) #ImSingle
If you want to follow me on Insta, I’m @therealamandaleigh. On Facebook I’m facebook.com/therealamandaleigh.