too bummed to blog:

have you ever let a boy affect you to the point of tears? ever felt unwanted or unloved? ever felt let down/empty and betrayed by a boy cuz you put WAY more passion/love/feeling into him than he does you? ever cared so much more/were affected so much more by him then he was by you? well, enough’s enough! it’s like that saying in the final scene of labyrinth, when jennifer connaly has the epiphany and says to david bowie ‘you have no power over me’. well, jennifer connaly’s never spoken truer words to me through a movie IN MY WHOLE LIFE! MY WHOLE LIFE GOD DAMN IT! 

if the guy you’re pining over is an aloof, cold, monster that doesn’t show any emotion- and always leaves you feeling empty and wanting more; break up with him, cheat on him, or make a video of yourself crying and send it to him!!! by the time you’re done, you’ll feel way better. i know i did! if he can’t drive over to los feliz from santa monica every once in a while, imagine what he won’t do for you in the future. the world is big! there are soooo many dudes in echo park/the lower east side! and life is long (IF you don’t get in a car accident, die of aids cancer, or OD on heroin percocet crack cocaine vicodins. RIIIIIGHT!)

i don’t care if he wears dark denim jeans and super awesome american apparel button down shirts (please click THIS link to buy one, you’d be a fool NOT to)- if that’s the limit of what he has to give you in this relationship, then that MUST be the end point of your relationship ladies! full stop! in my case, the guy i’m dating thought my video (see below) was just a hilarious joke. i sure hope he doesn’t find out about my b.l.o.g.) xo

boycrazy video: sad girl, AKA, too bummed to blog from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

By: boycrazy on April 13, 2009
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21 Comments »

i’m NOT a paparazzi:

a week ago, i covered an event for interview magazine.com. it was hard for me. here’s the story i wrote:

This is how it was:
tonight I made the horrible mistake of telling my editor at interviewmagazine.com that I was capable of taking photos AND writing about the 2009 Los angeles art weekend launch party/mike mills book signing. Little did I know that tonight would be the night I became a paparazzi photographer. My dad was a photo journalist and during hard times he make money as a paparazzi. We even crashed will smith’s wedding! I took the photos, got thrown out by security while my dad denied knowing me and stole my photo credit! Well, tonight all those memories came flooding back full throttle. I was even shouting phrases I’d picked up from dear old dad like “look alive!”, “say something funny!” and “Make me believe it!” Ick!

I met miranda july and mike mills, they were lovely and I dreaded sticking a camera in their faces. They were very accommodating, but when the brute photographer from women’s wear daily came up behind me- the couple became aloof and asked to be left alone to enjoy the party. It WAS, after all, a party! I totally agreed! Oh no! The women’s wear lady ruined the vibe and I’d been lumped into the category of monster paparazzi! Shit! Now I was WAY too shy to go anywhere near mike or miranda! But, may I just say- both of them have piercingly electric eyes! Too late, I just did!

I tried to look busy, important and confidant! I met the girls behind the clothing line rodarte. i met the man behind band of outsiders. I chit chatted with dj michael stock of part time punks and the creators of art for la. I shamelessly promoted my blog imboycrazy.com and my friends new website broslist. I handed out stickers left and right. Claiming the sticker was a reward for posing for a pic.
I ONLY photographed the cutest people I could find- and if they WEREN’T cute, I photographed them because I was told they were important. But my overall feeling of the night was “degraded”. I didn’t like feeling as though I was begging or annoying people or possibly ROBBING them of their time. I am not a paparazzi!

I was told it was an open bar, UNTIL I went to the bar and asked for a pineapple juice. (bartender- “That’ll be $3″) (me- “but I was told it was an open bar”) (bartender- “it’s only free if you’re drinking vodka”) (me-”but, I’m working. And I have to drive after this.”)(bartender- “No dice”)(me- “well, then can I have a vodka pineapple-hold the vodka?”)she poured me the drink,glared and walked away.

Just then a super sexy dude came up to me. I said hi and he mouthed “hi, do you read lips? I’m deaf.” “what? I don’t understand? You’re what?” He took out his cell and texted “I’m deaf.” he was fucking with me right?! I wasn’t gonna be taken for a fool. “If you’re fucking with me, you’re a horrible person.” I enunciated slowly for emphasis. “No, seriously, I’m deaf. If you can’t read my lips, maybe you can read my mind. I’m deaf.” Oh no, he was serious. Whoops. you never can tell nowadays- if a dudes gay/straight/ or deaf.

I slipped away to the ladies room and did a little video footage of myself having an emotional breakdown. I pulled myself together and went back inside, scanned the room and thought- my work here is done. I got what I needed! I tiptoed out the exit and ran to the valet- Hoping I wouldn’t be in trouble for sneaking out sooner than later. And who did I bump into sneaking out as well??? miranda july and mike mills! “Sneaking out of your own party?”I said “It’s not my party” he replied. I apologized for freaking them out with my camera and they said “it wasn’t you! It was that wwd photog” I knew it! Oh well. “Later dudes! Have a nice night!” See, like minds stick together! or is it great minds think alike? Whatevs! YOU know what I’m trying to say. Maybe tonight wasn’t so bad after all! that’s what i began to think, until the valet said “That’ll be $15 maam…. With or without validation.” motherfuckers! the Los angeles art weekend is going strong from Tues. mar 31- sunday april 5. Enjoy! I did! Xoxo

boycrazy freaks out in a super cute ladies room: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

 

here’s the FINAL EDIT of the story that ran! xo

By: boycrazy on April 10, 2009
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7 Comments »

allergic:

i can’t tell if I’m sick or if i just have allergies. once upon a time, two years ago, i went to get a scratch test at an allergists on la cienega. i had no fucking clue what i was getting myself into. he scratched up both my arms, leaving me looking like the sloppiest of junkies OR worse, a scratching meth head! i left saying I’d call to schedule my next appointment rather than make it then and there.


when i got downstairs to the valet- it was one of those situations where you park your own car but give the valet your key in case he has to move it later- there was a HUGE FUCKING DENT in the back of my car! the valet dude had backed my car, HARD AND FAST, into a wall! WTF?

i was ALREADY all scratched up, super low blood sugar and starving! and NOW i was pissed off to the max! i screamed, made super angry faces, huffed and puffed, filled out a claim form (all the while thinking, ‘how do i fill this out? it looks confusing! i’m not a grown up. shouldn’t my mom be doing this? oh shit, i AM a grown up, kind of.’)


from there, i had a dissappointing meal at real food daily, but took home a slew of different vegan desserts and basically (no, not basically) TOTALLY binge ate them ALL ON THE DRIVE HOME. what? i was emotional.

so, since then, i’ve never gotten to the bottom of my relationship with allergies. all i know is that these past 3 days have been a steady progression downhill for my nose, eyeball sockets and throat. i took a claritan yesterday, but didn’t notice a change.

i even steamed all day at the Olympic spa- a Korean day spa. i call it ‘the naked spa’ cuz it’s a bunch of ladies walking around all naked. me included! sometimes i go there with my mom. but most days i go alone, because i’m not always in the mood to bro out naked styles with my mommy. plus, having to make constant conversation with people during a hangout sesh really unnerves me. it’s too much pressure and fills me with dread. not ALL The time, just MOST of the time.

while naked in the sauna, a woman walked up to me(also completely naked) and started to chat. no biggie. i could handle this. i actually find it easier to talk to a stranger than someone who knows me or someone who might have a preconceived idea of me. we talked about how much hotter the dry sauna was than usual. she told me about another Korean day spa called ‘natura‘.

when she left, i wondered if this was all a ploy to murder me. what if it was her job to lure unsuspecting white girls into Korean day spas? a spa I’d never heard of. once inside the so called sauna, poisonous gas would be emitted and i would pass out. from there, i would be sold, sexxed, eatin and/or murdered. it was ALL too easy. and i had figured it out before the rouse had even had a chance to begin. i’m still curious though, so i’m gonna give this ‘natura‘ place a looksies. if anyone knows anything about it, let me know.

i went home, ordered extra spicy Thai food (for the second day in row). and just like the first day, it was delivered by the same uuber cute Asian delivery dude. the night prior, we had shared an awkward silent eye contact exchange. i wondered if he thought i was beautiful. instead, i asked him if his sweatshirt was american apparel. he said, yes.

he was so cute. i over tipped and thought i’d never see him again. i SWEAR i didn’t even think of him when i ordered from the same place the next night. now he probably thinks this is my crazy plan to fuck him. maybe it is. but the crazier thing was, his outfit was even BETTER tonight. more upmarket/fashionably street. i asked him if chop stix were included. he said “i don’t know. did you ask for them? i don’t pack the bags.” OF COURSE HE DIDN’T! he was JUST delivering them! probably helping out his family. i knew he had better things to do and places to be. but i was sure i detected a slight smile beneath his surface. SEXUAL TENSION! I KNEW IT! and as i over tipped again, i said goodbye; holding his gaze and making meaningful eye contact. all the while wondering if he liked MY outfit.

By: boycrazy on April 8, 2009
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10 Comments »

the boy who ACTUALLY likes crime scene sex:

oh my fucking god! the hills was OFF the the motherfucking chain last night! that shizzzz was fucking AWESOME! 

*spoiler alert, spoiler alert: the bar fight, the new characters, a more likable lo, audrina’s make-up is less severe, lo and audrina friendly with one another, Brody and Spencer face to face! what the fuck???

as usual i sang the theme song aloud, alone to myself with feeling, emphasis and pride. like a true champion who should know better but has an intense loyalty to her show! 

speaking of LOYALTY: for the first time, i understood what spencer meant when he challenged Stephani’s family loyalty! i’ve never been on his side before, but what kind of sister shows a third party text to her brother’s fiance! even though, Spencer WAS flirting! (i mean who are we kidding?) but it’s not like he has a website called imGIRLcrazy or anything geeze!

AND: did everyone see my friend CHARLIE on the hills last night?! if you missed it, you’re a SICK masochist!

i think i can hear my gay dude neighbors talking about Heidi, Spencer and the bartender! i almost wanna run over right now in no bra and just my flimsy nightgown, knock on their door and scream “my FRIEND is on the hills! the hills!” but i can’t, because a small small part of me has logical restraint.

NOW, onto my next topic:  this is Freddy. the other day i went facebook crazy. i requested everyone & anyone who looked familiar, goodlooking, young, had a cool name and/or bangin’ default pic! freddy was one of these people. he wrote to me; told me we’d met 7 years prior and had seen eachother around town ever since, but really never spoke. i was at the 101 cafe one night and facebooked him back saying “if you’re near the 101, swing by and i’ll interview you.” 

NOT ONLY DID HE SHOW UP….. BUT HE RODE THERE ON HIS BIKE!! Freddy is a sweetheart. a lovely man. but one thing stuck out in his interview! something that made that bike ride and my decision to facebook him TOTALLY worth it! enjoy! xoxo

boycrazy video- the boy who actually LIKES crime scene sex! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

By: boycrazy on April 7, 2009
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3 Comments »

touching your privates:

I hate the word ‘masturbating’! It’s so clinical and unsexy! It’s the equivalent of how the word ‘splat’ makes you feel! So hard/harsh and in your face! Gross! I prefer to say ‘touch my privates’ or ‘touch myself’.


anywayzies, the other night, I was ‘touching myself’ and I don’t know about you, but for me, I can’t get off/orgasm/come from touching myself if I don’t have a FULLY realized plot/story/scenario going on in my minds eye! I have to have EVERY detail thought out; rooms, motivation, outfits, order in which clothes are taken off, from kisses- to being eaten out, being flipped over, serious eye contact, his hand holding my cheek- the one on my face thank you very much! you sick dirtbags! Jesus Christ! 

For a while I couldn’t come to the thought of being sexed by a dude. No, I came to the fantasies of booking jobs and career goals coming true! Is that sick or what?! I’m right out of a bret eastin ellis novel. Whoa, I don’t wanna get ahead of myself. Sorry bret. I just love your work! 

so the other night- for whatever reason, during a NON work related fantasy/masturbating myself session in the dark privacy of my room- it took me a while to take care of myself. but when I did FINALLY come, it was amazing! 

as I flung my head back, convulsing- my head hitting the pillow once- then back down again TWICE and FINALLY a THIRD time- the smile slowly fell from my face as I felt the onset of a horrible headache. Blood rushed to my head, but not in the good ‘I just made myself come’ way! 

It was SUPER scary! I TOTALLY freaked out! My life flashed before my eyes! ‘I popped a blood vessel!’ I thought. ‘I KNOW IT! I JUST KNOW IT!’ ‘I’m having an aneurysm!’ ‘My brain is hemorrhaging!’ ‘I’m a doomed goner! this is it! I’m gonna die from masturbating too hard! I’m so embarrassed! I did this to myself!’

five minutes later it passed and I was soooo relieved! I picked up my blackberry and wrote this blog post. Be careful, sex is scary dangerous.

By: boycrazy on April 3, 2009
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12 Comments »

on a side note:

Anonymous said…

Hi Alexi,

I have a question for you that does not pertain to this post. When you are about to embark into sexual contact with someone you don’t know that well, how do you bring up the subject of STDs? Especially if the person in question has a reputation of being promiscuous. I feel like it might offend someone if you said “I’d like to have sex with you, but I’m concerned that you have an STD.” Or even if you don’t suspect it, you can’t be too sure of anything this day in age. I just can’t think of a not-uncomfortable way to bring it up.

Thanks!
____________________________________
boycrazy said…

dear anonymous,

don’t be afraid to bring up being worried about stds! it’s 2009 and it’s WAY too scary to meet some dude and have unprotected sex OR EVEN protected sex!! it’s not worth getting herpes, warts or aids! i know how you feel, i’ve been shy (the people pleaser in me) asking the dude who wants to be inside me to get tested for hiv and ALL the stds! of course, I get tested for EVERYTHING after EVERY dude i sleep with! that way if i ever get something, i’ll have somewhat of an idea as to who gave me what! i say ‘somewhat of an idea’ because sometimes things show up later. thankfully, i’ve never contracted anything- and i’m NOT a virgin! no where close to it!

unfortunately, MOST dudes are lazy. they get all cranky and whiny and say they’re clean and healthy. blah blah blah. but why do we have to do all the work?! if the dude isn’t an asshole, he’ll get tested! however, most dudes will need to be nudged and budged! i wish this wasn’t so, cuz quite frankly, it makes the girl become a bit resentful! and who wants to be resentful in the beginning of what could be an epic beautiful blossoming romance?!

so, stick to your guns! only have sex with a condom AND never have unprotected sex. but, keep asking him to get tested. offer to go with him. hold out on sex completely if you have to! ESPECIALLY if a week has gone by and he STILL hasn’t gone!

ask for a receipt too! the last guy i had sex with not only got tested (after a few weeks of me being whiny and on his case and looking as though i was really let down by his laziness AND THAT THIS REALLY MATTERED TO ME)- he took pictures of himself giving urine and having his blood drawn! AND he let me see the doctors receipt and listen to the message from the docs office saying he was all good! we both had a sense of humor about it!

so, if the guy REALLY likes you, or just REALLY wants to fuck you AND has nothing to hide: he’ll get tested! you’re worth it! this is not a time to be a pushover or a people pleaser, because you could die or get pregnant OR BOTH! no unprotected sex!!!!!! YOU CAN EVEN SHOW HIM THIS POST HERE. let this speak for you!

WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO, AS LONG AS HE GETS TESTED! i love you!!!

By: boycrazy on April 2, 2009

3 Comments »

BROSLIST.COM:

hey ASSHOLES, are you on BROSLIST YET??? 


what’s BROSLIST? it’s only the COOLEST/NEWEST/SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE! 

it’s a craigslist/myspace/facebook hybrid, with a sense of humor and taste!

a social networking site AND a classified website that enables surfers to buy, sell and trade used surf gear, find cheap places to stay all over the world, get rides to the beach and land work. even the profile questions are more fun than facebook and myspace!

It’s free to sign up, it takes 5 minutes to create your ‘Brofile’ – which can double as a private surf shop, let you post pics/videos or just help you reconnect with that girl or dude you met on the beach and fucked on a sandy rock or whatevs!


use the site, share it with ALL your bros, make friends, troll for hot/chiseled/hard as a rock-surfer babes! I’M SERIOUS, it’s all hot dudes! SUPER dude heavy! i CAN’T stress that enough!

hot, fit, sexy dudes….who probably ALL have big dicks. let’s face it, they’re not cocky for NO reason you dirty whores!

make me proud and start prowling for surfer/beach/Malibu babes now! I DID and i’ve been hit on by some super rad dudes already! yayzers!

these dudes are legit too; fit, toned, have jobs and a mode of transportation….. OTHER than their surfboards! cowabunga!

it’s new, so start bragging to all your lame ass friends about how cool and ahead of the curve you are and how stupid they are for not being down with the future of the internet! 

so click here to set up your brofile bitches!!!
xoxox

By: boycrazy on April 1, 2009
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10 Comments »

the boy at the casting:


now this kid truly shocked me and i’ll tell you why: i was at some casting for a commercial and i saw him sitting on the floor looking all emo and shit and i thought we’d totally ‘get’ eachother! like the brother i never had! two crazy big eyed kooks lounging on labrea. man was i wrong! when i asked this dude if i could interview him for my b**g, he said he’d have to call his agent first…AND HE WASN’T FUCKING KIDDING! i started laughing because it was hilarious how serious he took himself. i tried to break it down for him by saying, ‘no, seriously dude. this really isn’t a big deal. i bet you a million bucks your agent will be happy you DON’T call him! honestly, this is a blog called I’m boy crazy; no one’s gonna get hurt. for serious.’ FINALLY he agreed and i pulled out my camera. thanks for saying yes lil guy! but you can’t blame me for giving you shit! xo

the boy at the casting: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

By: boycrazy on March 31, 2009
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13 Comments »

the boys of american apparel:

he’s sexy, english AND the manager of the melrose AMERICAN APPAREL! excuse me?! does it get any better?! hear him speak, watch his lips move as they enunciate basic thoughts and ideas that make you quiver just cuz he’s soooo cute! THEN go find him for yourself and ask him on a date! he’s gorge!!!! that’s slang for the word GORGEOUS!!!! seriously. notice how weird my voice sounds during the interview, THAT’S HOW NERVOUS I WAS TALKING TO HIM! ALL BECAUSE OF HIS DARK, BROODING INTENSITY! need i say more? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, just watch the video already! xoxo

the boys of american apparel #3: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

By: boycrazy on March 30, 2009
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13 Comments »

i’m sick and here’s why:

the other day i asked a close girlfriend of mine if she ever WONDERS if her boyfriends friends are in love with her. she said “of course! doesn’t everybody?” 
“no, i don’t think so. do you ever ASK your boyfriend if his friends might love you?”
“fuck no! ” she said.
i guess that’s where her and i are different. i like to ASK the dude i’m dating if they think it’s possible their friend might be in love with me. If it’s a possibility. If they WOULD if they COULD. i ask with no regard for his feelings. i guess sometimes i forget that men have feelings too.

I’ll phrase it in a really fucked up way. Masked in a pseudo, ‘I’m trying to be cute and silly and off the cuff kind of bullshit way’, that usually (if the guy’s not a moron) can see through like a glass panel. And you know what? I mean it when i’m asking it! it’s not a joke! And they know it! But through that glass panel, is what? A very insecure, needy, young woman. 

i have a serious problem, in that I am sick and twisted. I need way too much validation. Not all the time. surprisingly, i have pockets of time where I am completely centered, grounded, focused and filled with inner strength; when I know who I am and no one can shake me. when I COULDN’T care less if someone liked me/ loved me/ hated me.

And then there are the times I fall into the OTHER pocket.  a sick and twisted fantasy world trance. When this happens, I am a weak monster whose greatest enemy is herself. I am capable of hurting not just my own feelings. 

During my five year relationship- the highs were high, but the lows were heavy and low. Like your heart dropping into your stomach. It was a codependent emotional roller coaster. I loved it. I was addicted to it. 

Coming out of that, I notice certain behavioral problems that have stuck with me. Behavior that I’ve taken from that train wreck. The truth is, I’m pretty sure I brought that behavior into the relationship to begin with. and mixed with HIS demons, we were KUH-RAZY together. 

But today is a new day and I wanted to talk/write about a habit of mine that I still have and one that I know I have to break-otherwise it will be one of my ultimate downfalls. it will sabotage me/take me down:  I need everyone to love me. Not really, but kind of. 

I’ll get specific, because that might speak to more people. 

once upon a time, i met a boy and he was great with me, for me. We right eachothers wrongs. We complimented eachother. And he had many guy friends. One of these friends was going through a hard time with his girlfriend or ex or whatever she was. he was searching for his purpose, wanting his life to be fulfilling, wanting to be happy and not so aimless. 

For whatever reason, I felt the need to get under this guy friends skin. My guy (aka: the RIGHT guy) left town and because I’ve never been so addicted to instant gratification and attention in my life- even via JUST a standard test message; i became obsessed with the friend. Aka: the charmer. he took the burden off the RIGHT guy. filling my quota of attention! like a babysitter for a needy monster baby! 

Texting, phone calls and several platonic hang outs. I am a flirt, he’s a flirt and we’re both charming people pleasers. I didn’t feel at ease around him. Never 100 percent cuz he made me so nervous. Maybe because he represented a path- one that, if I took (ie-make out,sexy times, etc), everything with the RIGHT guy would be ruined. 

The danger intrigued me. Made my heart beat faster and break out in a cold sweat. Like a high. How sick is that? The fact that he made out with another girl made me jealous. How sick is that? I had hugged him before and I didn’t even really care for the smell of his skin- so what the fuck was my deal?  This wasn’t even a case of ‘the pheromones’! He was bad news, wrong for me, not right, too confused to be good for me- even as a friend. And yet I nearly jeopardized everything with the RIGHT guy?! Wtf? 

I saw so many similarities between us. I wanted to be his life coach. I wanted him to think I was the best. The only person who could make him feel safe. I wanted him to look at me and think: “she see’s me”. 

He drinks and he spends a bit too much time (if you ask me) “hanging out”. I thought he should try to take over the world with his wit and charm etc and at least try to make a contribution some way, some how. But why did I care? Why did I have the urge to take a person on as a project and become so addicted to someone? Am I just a fucking monster control freak? Making him my toy? My play thing to fuck with? Who knew if he was even really talented or had as much promise as I projected on him? It was really none of my business. 

And because he’s a boy and I’m a girl- there was sexual tension. Which I appreciated cuz I LOVE attention. Even though I have the BEST sex in the world with the RIGHT guy, I’m more attracted physically to the RIGHT guy, I’m inspired by and respect the right guy. But now, the cavalier charmer, so lost in his aimlessness, was in my radar. 

the sickest part is: my logic told me to get away from the charmer; to TRY to stop obsessing. But the another part of me wanted him to miss me, lust over me, wishing we could be together- all the while, me holding the power, looking to him and saying “I’m sooo sorry. I know you’re miserable. But you can’t have me. I belong to another.” I wanted a guy that I DIDN’T want to be with- to be in love with me!!!

My therapist said this has NOTHING to do with the charmer and that it has to do with deep rooted shit that I went through as a child. something about my dad not saying he loved me enough.  being a child of chaos. Blah blah blah. She said that the charmer and I trauma bonded and that I need to go to alanon meetings. that I should only hang out with the charmer in groups. that i am the child of narcissists and make it my job to size people up (generally of the male species) and figure out in an instant what game to play to make them love me. she recommended i read several books. i was too scared to tell her i can’t read. oh wait, yes i can. sorry. tried to lighten up this post with a joke. so ‘like me’. deflecting real life with a joke! the books are: “trapped in the mirror” (by: elan golomb) and “addiction to love” (by: susan peabody). i love mirrors, attention, addiction, love and
myself…so i totally plan on buying ALL these books. hopefully i’ll READ them too!

now I think this whole thing is water under the bridge. that it’s possible for the charmer and me to be bff’s and maybe even business partners (if he ever figures out what he wants to do. IF we ever talk again.)

But maybe that’s just the sick part of me talking again. maybe I just need drama and chaos to stir the pot, cuz when everything’s PERFECT……… I get uneasy. xoxoox

By: boycrazy on March 26, 2009
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10 Comments »



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