the blind leading the blind (part 34):

1. you know it’s right when you look back and he’s looking back too.

2. i feel the same was about bbm’ing as I do about anal sex: I won’t and will never do it! And neither should you!

3. for the love of god, watch the september issue! What’re you, living under a rock?! Get with the program moron!

4. white dudes are out! march is all about black dudes. trust me.

5. stop picking at your back and bikini line! i know you’re probably doing it so you’ll have some sub-concious excuse not to be naked in front of anyone, but even if you’re all alone, YOU still have to look at yourself in the mirror. and that shit is NOT sexy!

6.  as far as relationships go: if you’re not feeling it, end it. rip it off like a band-aide. don’t waste his/her time or yours!

7. being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing at all! IN FACT, it can be the best thing in the world! take this time to work on yourself, your career, and whatever other personal goals you have. this will make you all the more ready to be with someone in the future!

8. when the loneliness creeps in at night; watch TV, read a book, take a bath, masturbate, call a friend, write! PS: isn’t that what facebook is for?!

9. if you don’t wanna look at/eat near people with severe acne/sores on their face: I don’t blame you. It’s fucking gross.

10. If you ARE one of these sore faced people- I don’t think you should be shot or anything- I’ve been there! But might I suggest going to a great dermatologist, going on accutane, or getting a good/deep facial with extractions from a hefty older Russian lady?! Well, too late, I just did!

my new boyfriend:

lisa loeb and me:

i knew I was boycrazy, even years ago, while I was watching the Lisa loeb show. yeah, there was a Lisa loeb reality show and I fucking loved it! one episode, Lisa and her mom went to a french chocolate shop/cafe place, and their waiter was so cute, Lisa wondered if he was too young for her to ask on a date- or some shit like that. who knows exactly WHAT happened, i was too busy freaking out about the fact that i was watching the SEXIEST dude in the world plop down some chocolate cake in front of Lisa loeb on some reality show that we both would have been embarrassed to mention if we were on a date. holy shit this guy was gorge! is it NOT cool to masturbate to excess reality programming? too late/i hope not!

anyways, the waiter was a super hot babe- just to be clear! Dark hair, dreamy, and NOT french! perfect! he looked like a broke, dirtier, even more angsty, but with a bigger d*ck version of Robert Pattinson! and that’s saying a lot for me! cuz i already imagine Robert Pattinson has a HUGE private! if anyone knows him, send him my way. that could be an epic night! hotel, glass of wine, and a tawdry/torrid/sexy make-out etc.

anyways, back to my story: Now, keep in mind, the Lisa loeb reality show took place in NYC and I live in la. um, I’m not saying I went to ny JUST for the chocolate shop dude-but when I did end up in NY, I sure as hell made it a point to find that shop! endless googling of the words ‘Lisa loeb, chocolate, cafe’ ensued!

well, I found it! like a mother fucking champ!  the show did not make it easy, that’s for DAMN sure. no ‘thank you’s’ to ‘insert french cafe name here’ in the credits? what was that all about?! thanks for nothing assholes! even though the song ‘stay’ will forever be a solid and reliable karaoke jam for me and a million others.

when I cozied up at a table in the cafe, all by myself, (while my boyfriend at the time was at sound check) ordered a hot chocolate and waited, it all seemed worth the effort. i didn’t see him. hmm, no worries. I’m sure he was just making a tea, or organizing a plate of scones in the back or whatevs. i asked the ugly, boring waiters- who WERE there- if they knew who i was looking for. i sputtered out some retarded description; hoping that if he wasn’t there, it was ONLY because he was in Los Angeles looking for me! i held my breath for their answer.

and you know what? the dude wasn’t fucking there anymore! nope, he’d quit a few weeks prior! GOD DAMMIT! maybe i wasn’t the first visitor who’d come looking for him? well, i’d like to think i was the cutest! at least one thing was on my side… they told me he was straight! so at least if i did find him, he couldn’t use his sexuality as an excuse not to kiss me.

well, I tried. Had I REALLY wanted to find him, I could have asked the waiters and manager that WERE there for his phone number. But, I wasn’t CRAZY! and i wasn’t looking to cheat. I guess I just wanted a mission and to see if he was as cute in person as he was on my TV screen.

THIS IS JASON BOESEL:

THIS IS JASON BOESEL!

WATCH US TALK ABOUT TITS AND ASS, LOVE, SEX, DATING, HAND JOBS, AIDS, MARRIAGE, TOURING, AND SONGS HE DIDN’T WRITE ABOUT ME.

HE’S GORGEOUS, AN AMAZING DRUMMER, AND NOW HE’S JUST RELEASED HIS FIRST SOLO ALBUM ‘HUSTLER’S SON’! xo

CLICK HERE FOR HIS TOUR SCHEDULE

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT THE NEW ALBUM

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER!

the guy you HAPPILY let cum inside you WITHOUT a condom:

I’d just gotten home after one of those nights where i did ONE thing that left me feeling like someone thought i was stupid, weird and/or dumb. I’d said something to some dude i thought was a dork, and wasn’t even attracted to, and now i couldn’t shake it. why did i even care what he thought of me? he played no part in my life. he had a girlfriend. i had a boyfriend. but now my whole world was caving in. the spiral had begun; regretting how i acted, what i said, wondering what he was thinking about me now, and how i could change his OBVIOUSLY ill opinion of me. he probably wasn’t even giving me a second thought. but let’s face it, he probably was. but hopefully not. whatever, he can shit talk/think I’m awkward and lame- all he wants! it just weeds out the people who aren’t meant to be in my life! yeah! sometimes i wish i didn’t internalize and analyze everything so much. sometimes I’m very happy i do. either way, i do. I’ve learned that the best way to get over my crazy spirals is to pretend it’s a week later- speeding up the inevitable, when i know I’ll have forgotten i ever even cared what some dude/person/people may or may not have been thinking of me.

that aside, i was using this stranger to distract myself from what was REALLY going on in my life: I’d done it again! I’d cast a spell on a boy and gotten caught up in the moment and not realized that my actions have consequences. that men have feelings too. and that my behavior, words, touch, gaze, and attention can have/has an affect on people. i was in too deep with a guy, and i wasn’t feeling ‘it’ anymore. at least not like i was. now i was left in a sticky situation, but i wasn’t ready to pull the plug, cuz i didn’t know exactly how i felt. it had gone from epic, to me freaking out, to casual. and it felt like the bubble burst and i should call it a day. but things aren’t black and white. i didn’t know what i wanted. i’d met a really great guy. there was nothing wrong with him, i just wasn’t sure if he was right for me. was my confusion enough of a sign to end it, or should i take some time to casually date him and get to know him before i ran ? the only thing was, this thing didn’t start out casual, it started out full throttle and my doubts were only setting in after ‘i love you’s’ were said and he’d asked to go steady or whatever you call being boyfriend and girlfriend. how did i get here? i wouldn’t go back in time and change a thing… i just didn’t know how to go forward.

so often i worry and act out when i don’t get the attention i want from every guy who comes my way. i don’t take the time to consider if i even like THEM! unless they’re a TOTAL dorky/ugly/pussy… THEN i don’t give a fuck! but I’d still have sexxx with a bizarre looking/interesting/successful dude! in a heartbeat! my friend Dallas thinks i have the worst taste in men cuz I’ve slept with fat, ugly, short, abnormally tall, sickly skinny, balding, and bald dudes. not all at the same time! don’t worry! I’ve only had one threesome, and it was with a girl and a guy who were both hipster/heroine chic. but that’s another story, for another time.

anyways, it takes all kinds. the point is, if i even have one- cuz i might not, is that i get caught up real quick. I’m in love with love. or at least infatuation. i can be a dreamy, whimsical person who can find a million different meanings in one look a boy gives me. (which can be unfortunate for the dude sometimes!) i have no problem and am happy to make extreme eye contact during sex. the deeper and more meaningful the experience can be, the better. the only problem is, as easily as i can throw myself all in, i can just as easily shut down- leaving a guy in the lurches. but isn’t that just called life? it’s not pretty and safe and wrapped up in a bow all the time! and don’t men act irresponsibly with women’s feelings all the time? I’d rather go full throttle, then press on the brakes if i decide to- instead of  treading safely and being careful from the get go.

but what was i even looking for? i wasn’t old enough or ready to get married,  or craving a boyfriend. I’ve never sought out having a boyfriend anyways. it always just ‘happens’. but i wanted the love. and for a minute, i felt it too. in fact; i was in and out of it. but then the seriousness of the situation set in: “boyfriend” “i love you’s”. i panicked and had to decide if i should break it off completely, or pull the pussy move by picking fights and being passive aggressive to make him break up with me. i had one foot in and one foot out. a part of me would think “god, the sex is great! he’s good-looking, but he’s not my normal type. but maybe that’s a good thing!?” even though, according to Dallas, i don’t even have a type. I’d vacillate between thinking we were too different and thinking we’re actually very similar. sometimes, I’d imagine myself in his arms, spooning and think “you know what, i could call it a day and call him the one for good!” i hope all girls can be this nutty, because i do NOT like feeling this way. and there’s SAFETY in numbers bitches!

did all this uncertainty mean he was the wrong guy for me? could he have been the right guy, but i was just too young and immature and preoccupied with the need to be alone and work? would i be the one missing out in the end? could i even trust my gut anymore, after all, i have a million ‘daddy’ issues. i didn’t know what to do! should i just stay away from guys, to save them from me and my behavior? wow, how self important am i? is it better to stay with someone if they’re a good person, attractive, and the sex is great – even if the initial crazy euphoria has died down so soon and you could also just as easily be alone? but what if the person is great and could make a lovely boyfriend you could learn from? does it always have to be under the condition of ‘forever’?

if the fireworks/mad crazy aspect of the relationship has died down and you know you’ve met too early on in your life and there’s no way they will be your final destination (which, to me, is a baby daddy). and yes, i know the ‘final destination’  isn’t always the man who fathers your child. but he will, most likely, be in your life forever- whether you split or not, cuz of the kid! so you better be as damn sure about him as you can be if/when you let him cum inside you without a condom.

if all that you’re left with is a nice guy you have sexual chemistry with, do you run and hold out for another “forever” prospect. or do you just hang out with someone and have a nice, fun time?

the thing is, I’ve been single and had sex with guys who don’t love me and it doesn’t feel good. but to be with someone who loves you when you’re in ‘single, all about me and my own personal responsibilities’ mode- feels shitty too! so what is the answer? I’m not wishy washy. I’m all in or nothing. so this makes loving and relationships more confusing. and usually when a girl is aloof with a guy and doesn’t give a fuck and it’s casual for HER/on her terms.. the dude falls in love.

but being grounded and loved by someone you like can be nice too!

i guess when it’s in sync, and the love is equal on both ends and sustains itself- you know you’ve found something bigger than logic, timing, rules, and being rational. you just make room for it in your life, cut the bullshit, stop analyzing, shut the fuck up- because you’re happy to do so and it feels super good and right. and even if you’re not gonna be with someone forever, isn’t it better to live under the spell that it ‘might’ last forever and be open to the possibility of that chance…. and end it if/when that dream is shattered, than stay with someone who you know in your bones you won’t be with when you’re old and gray? cuz then both parties are being kept from something else that could be epic.

it’s better to take the chance of losing someone, and being alone, then stay because it’s safe and they’re good for now/a warm body. that’s way more scary than being alone.

but, just like power shifts in a healthy relationship, do ‘love surges’ come and go as well? don’t moods shift as well? i wouldn’t wanna make any extreme decisions while I’m pms’ing… cuz  I’m a completely different person!

all these thoughts, but i still didn’t know what to do….

the blind leading the blind (part 33):

1. when you press the button at a cross walk, don’t stand under the signal while you’re waiting for the light to change! be careful! The signal thingy could/might TOTALLY fall on your head. life is constantly scary… whether you WANT to know it or not!

2. yes, you need to go to the gym. no, not YOUYOU. yeah, you!

3. own your package. Whatever it is you’ve been dealt, own it. unfortunately, it’s all you’ve got.

4. i hate when people don’t just say ‘excuse me’, if/when I’m in their way. I obviously can’t see you. Duh! What if I never looked over and saw you? Would you stand there FOREVER, just looking at me all mute styles, with your passive aggressive/dumb dumb face/blank stare? WHY? what is the point of this? it doesn’t get the one thing you want from me accomplished- you fucking cunt-rag/twat fuck jerk! so say excuse me people! it’s OK! Jesus fucking Christ!

5. you can’t tell a person/help a person who doesn’t want your help. A person who has not yet wrapped his head around the concept of doing something that might be beneficial for their life, MUST figure it out on their own/at their own pace. This is out of your hands! and as frustrating as this is to watch, you have to let it go! YOU can only take care of YOU!

6. FYI: dudes hate when you wear those weird hippy headbands! You’re not an American Indian, and it’s not 1964. Save your money.

7. getting herpes from a famous person is WAY cooler than getting herpes from a regular person.

8. find the happy medium between predator and wallflower, and i think you’re gonna be OK!

9. no chewing/chomping gum in public.

10. don’t keep the pink slip for your car IN your car! A cop told me that.

PS: if you’re not watching ‘kell on earth’ every Monday night on bravo at 10pm…… i don’t know what’s wrong with you. will somebody please tell kelly Cutrone how much i love her? it’s the new best thing on TV!

PPS: that is, until ‘the real housewives of nyc’ returns! hollah!

PPPS: what does everyone think of ‘how to make it in america’? just wondering.

i love you! xo, me

JASON BOESEL…..IS COMING SOON:

coming soon: an in depth interview with JASON BOESEL. we’ll be chatting about his new album, dating, love, sex, and everything else! he is worth the wait, so stay tuned. xo

in the name of love/response to my bullshit (part 4):

wow, i’m gonna end the week on a high note! this is Sophie. Sophie seems just as confused AND sure as i am on this topic: what is love? and does it last?!

i want to apologize in advance if i have anything to do with this beautiful four year old, self proclaimed ‘it girl’ becoming boycrazy in the future. do as i say, not as i do Sophie! wait, don’t even do THAT! remember; i am the blind leading the blind!

all i have to say is: i hope you have a GREAT weekend/valentine’s day! whether you’re just breaking up with someone, binge eating alone in a corner, masturbating while your long term ‘whatever he is’ is sound asleep next to you in your hovel, newly in love, or just snagged a date off craigslist/face-book …. enjoy! you’ve earned it!

and yes, I’m totally encouraging you to see the movie ‘valentines day’! what?! it just looks fun! stop being such a snob! you’re reading some piece of shit b l o g called i’m boy crazy! which Elle magazine referred to as ‘i AM boy crazy‘ (shakes fist…why i outta)!

anyways, kill a bear, kiss a dude, go dancing with your gay boyfriends! i don’t give a fuck! but don’t chalk this Feb 14 up to some holiday manufactured by the card companies….even though we know it is! use it as an excuse to dress cute/slutty/or just not be your usual ugly! cut a piece of paper into the shape of a heart! eat a piece of candy! JUST a piece fatty! makeout with someone or everyone!  watch a bunch of amazing rom coms! think of the colors pink and red! buy some flowers! and maybe someone will buy YOU flowers! wouldn’t 2 dozen pink tea roses just be a dream?! i know!!! wheeee!

personally, I’m being whisked off by some tall handsome man, who’s super sexy, to a top secret/special/romantical place for the weekend. hopefully i won’t be murdered…at least not until AFTER all the  sex!! i’ll let you know how it goes!

and to all the people who submitted videos that I’ve YET to put up… don’t worry, i will! i just had to stop the monotony of the same ‘video post response’ theme! see you Monday! xoxoxox/LOVE, alexi celine wasser

happy birthday to me:

hey alexi!

it’s god! i know you’re like TOTALLY not religious or whatevs, but (in celebration of the day you were born) i just thought I’d drop you a line and say happy birthday! i heard you wanted some stuff! let me double check; is this your most up to date wish-list?

1. fluffy white bath robe and towels that make you feel all diva fancy, like Bette midler/Cher/and Madonna combined.

2. a brand new car that would make people forget you were ever capable of owning a scion. yes, i know: NOT the box shaped on, the WASHING MACHINE shaped one!

3. a personal trainer five days a week!

4. a deep tissue massage. but not the scary kind where a mini, mean lady actually WALKS on your back! too scary!

5. a manicure and pedicure.

6. a day at the Olympic spa – steaming and reading.

7. dinner at mozza, nobu Malibu, sushi Ike, cliffs edge, pace, park sushi, matsuhisa, il sole, madeo’s, chateau, pacific dining car. (NOT all on the same night!)

8. lunch at m cafe, m cafe, and m cafe.

9. lattes and coffee ALL THE TIME.

10. a yoga class and hike with Nate.

11. hanging out with Nate at family.

12. a facial (not THAT kind) at raya skincare: with the works! deep cleaning facial with extractions + microdermabrasion + oxygen facial.

13. a deep peel or laser treatment at dermo.

14. an unlimited shopping spree at opening ceremony, confederacybarneys, Fred segal, Chanel, American rag, and apc.

15. a romantic date with a gorgeous guy during which you laugh, are happy, super attracted to each other, have amazing conversation, and fantastic sexxx!

16. all your good dreams coming true!

17. a years supply from an organic fresh food meal delivery service! hollah! livin’ like a baller!

18. brand new blackberry with video AND photo capability.

19. a classic tailored burberry trench-coat.

20. more banner ads on your site from companies you love and respect.

21. a trip to NYC to visit friends and bacaro!

22. a weekend ski trip.

23. a weekend trip to Santa Barbara/big sur/Vegas/Berlin/Venice/Rome.

24. a trip to we care spa.

25. world peace.

wow, what a list you greedy bitch! (except for the world peace part).

well, at least i know that if you don’t get any of it, you’re happy with your life/you love your friends/and you enjoy writing this stupid blog…even if nobody reads it/cares/or even likes you! but I’ll send what i can to:

alexi wasser

po box 480876

la ca 90048

lots of love,

GOD: the original boy to be crazy about!

in the name of love/response to my bullshit (part 3):

you guys are amazing!

here are two MORE answers to my question:

ps: my name is alexi NOT alexis…. but i still love you!

PS: A MESSAGE FROM MY FRIEND BINKI SHAPIRO

hello!

my name is binki shapiro,
i play in a band called little joy. i’m here to tell you about an auction i’m doing consisting of one of a kind shirts, bags and artwork made by artists/musicians specifically for the auction.

after the auction, i will donate the proceeds to an amazing organization, started by paul haggis, called ‘artists for peace and justice’.

they are one of the few organizations that cover all their own overhead and donate 100% of all funds raised to directly to relief efforts on the ground and to long term sustainability in haiti.

i have a ton of really cool pieces so far; made by artists including: conor oberst, the strokes, fleet foxes, jenny lewis, spike jonze, the mars volta, devendra banhart, norah jones, no doubt, natalie portman, sia, adam green, regina spektor, le tigre and vampire weekend, etc. with more cool stuff on the way!

i have created a “hype page” for the auction, which will be held on monday march 15th.
for details and updates on where the auction will take place, please continue to check my site and/or follow me on twitter! xo



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