the blind leading the blind (part 36):

1. REMEMBER CARROTS? think of them as ‘mother nature’s potato chips’! enjoy!

2. no. that outfit does NOT look good on you!

3. when the barista gives you a full fat latte, when you clearly asked for a non fat latte, the bitch is trying to fuck with you/ruin your life. trust me. there are no mistakes!

4. my therapist says that when i wake up and look in the mirror, I’m only allowed to say hello to myself! i can’t think anything mean, belittling, or harsh about myself. yeah, good-luck,me! but, personally, i blame the mirror for all the negativity.

5. stop distracting yourself, and do your fucking work! whether it’s homework, a writing deadline, or whatever! get it done! no one else can do it for you! that means STOP reading blogs (mine excluded), fb, twitter, myspace (is myspace still alive even? well if it IS, cut it the fuck out too!) it’s called a MEDIA FREEZE people! and sometimes, a lot of the time, it has to be put in effect god dammit!

6. don’t get back with an ex. it NEVER WORKS! sure, there are a few exceptions. but the majority of the time, it will end all over again! why put someone through that twice? why put yourself through that twice? all the things that drove you two apart to begin with, are still there! lurking beneath the surface. maybe even some new annoying things too! do what you will, but… i warned you!

7. always wear latex gloves when you go tagging!

8. stop eye darting when you’re talking to me, i mean, people… when you’re talking to people!

9. don’t forget to touch yourself! this includes: finger-banging yourself, jerking yourself off, stimulating your clitoris, or just patting yourself on the back! cuz why not?! you’ve earned it buddy!

10. never use the word ‘buddy’ in conversation. it confuses peoples insides.


the blind leading the blind (part 35):

1. walking around your apartment naked is the new black.

2. i guess i got the rule WRONG! while it’s OK to leave a huge party without saying goodbyes; it’s apparently NOT cool to leave a party with less than seven people, without saying ‘goodbye’ or ‘thank you for having me’. so thanks for the lesson auntie Jasmin. you’re right! saying ‘goodbye’ does show that i have a heart and am a good person who’s respectful, loving, and thankful. you go girl. today i am a little bit better… thanks to you!

3. it’s TOTALLY an asshole move to give the ending of a movie away! no matter how obvious you think it is- it’s just rude/bad manners! i mean really! what the fuck are you trying to prove here? are you so devoid of happiness, you have to rob people of something as simple as an experience at the MOVIES?! it’s like you’re basically sucker punching me in the face- is what it is! for the love of god! don’t be SUCH a fucking cunty cunt cunt! yeah, you heard me cunty mcKunterson! take it!

4. the best time to pick a zit is the night before you’re gonna be in front of a camera! trust me!

5. treat yourself like you’re your own child. would you really let a little version of you go over to that hotel room and suck that dirty band dudes, self important/entitled- privates/dick/herpes factory? probably not… unless you’re a mean, murderer, molester, maniac, jerky jerk! let’s get real here: yeah, he’s famous and cute, BUT- you don’t even know him! and he sure as hell doesn’t know you! but you DO KNOW that he doesn’t and will NEVER care about you. you’d let your daughter do that? or would you protect her from the aftermath of such an empty experience? you think you’re so tough and it’s all in fun and for the experience; but, be nice to yourself. and if you can’t do it for you, imagine it’s for your own kid. this also goes for; being hard on yourself, having a constant negative internal dialogue about yourself, picking at your face and back, thinking you’re shit. what would you say to your child if he/she was beating himself up and their own worst enemy? hopefully you’d give them a hug, tell them to stop it, and that you love them. be the parent you never had.

6. house, curb your enthusiasm, modern family, entourage,  and 30 rock are the best scripted shows on television right now. (the soup, real housewives of NYC, and the kardashians are fun too)

7. if late night with Conan O’Brien, Seinfeld, Beverly hills 90210, freaks and geeks, unscripted, sex and the city, the wonder years, felicity, friends, and my so called life were still around…. i would have said THEM too! or maybe i JUST DID!!!!

8. figure out what you love doing, what you want to do, what your dream life would be, and do it! imagine if you could make a living doing what you love! that’s the goal! i love you.

9. stop eating so much soy. it’s not as good for you as you might think. consider the fact that it might be BAD for you.

10. your friend is TOTALLY talking shit about you. don’t ask me how i know, i just know, OK!? fine…..they told me!


calling all filmers!

Do you live in the Los Angeles area? Are you an amazing filmer/editor/cinematographer/photographer? If you are any of those things, or all of those things, you should let me know. I’m looking for a few rad human beings to be part of a truly fantastic top secret upcoming project happening in Los Angeles in and around April of 2010.

Strengths include: desire to make beautiful work, ability to work on the fly, love of art, music, and culture, knowledge of the Internet and an overall sense of the difference between what is good and what is bad.

If this sounds like you, or sounds like someone you know, or sounds like someone that someone you know might know- please respond to with the subject: alexi and me. Please include a link to your site/reel/blog/tumblr or whatever other means you think best communicates how great you are.

Also feel free to fwd, tweet, facebook and generally share this post with the world. The sooner the better!



big is good….

no, I’m not encouraging all of you to run out and get fat!

I’m letting you know about a super cool new website called BIG IS GOOD!

basically, it’s a home for TV shows: scripted, unscripted, etc!

the shows are original/funny/entertaining/cool/inspiring/and educational!

i have a channel on the site too!

you won’t be sorry you clicked!






xo, me

in the name of love/response to my bullshit (part 5):

his answer:

her answer:

to my original question:

THE MONSTER ASKS ABOUT LOVE: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the blind leading the blind (part 34):

1. you know it’s right when you look back and he’s looking back too.

2. i feel the same was about bbm’ing as I do about anal sex: I won’t and will never do it! And neither should you!

3. for the love of god, watch the september issue! What’re you, living under a rock?! Get with the program moron!

4. white dudes are out! march is all about black dudes. trust me.

5. stop picking at your back and bikini line! i know you’re probably doing it so you’ll have some sub-concious excuse not to be naked in front of anyone, but even if you’re all alone, YOU still have to look at yourself in the mirror. and that shit is NOT sexy!

6.  as far as relationships go: if you’re not feeling it, end it. rip it off like a band-aide. don’t waste his/her time or yours!

7. being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing at all! IN FACT, it can be the best thing in the world! take this time to work on yourself, your career, and whatever other personal goals you have. this will make you all the more ready to be with someone in the future!

8. when the loneliness creeps in at night; watch TV, read a book, take a bath, masturbate, call a friend, write! PS: isn’t that what facebook is for?!

9. if you don’t wanna look at/eat near people with severe acne/sores on their face: I don’t blame you. It’s fucking gross.

10. If you ARE one of these sore faced people- I don’t think you should be shot or anything- I’ve been there! But might I suggest going to a great dermatologist, going on accutane, or getting a good/deep facial with extractions from a hefty older Russian lady?! Well, too late, I just did!

my new boyfriend:

lisa loeb and me:

i knew I was boycrazy, even years ago, while I was watching the Lisa loeb show. yeah, there was a Lisa loeb reality show and I fucking loved it! one episode, Lisa and her mom went to a french chocolate shop/cafe place, and their waiter was so cute, Lisa wondered if he was too young for her to ask on a date- or some shit like that. who knows exactly WHAT happened, i was too busy freaking out about the fact that i was watching the SEXIEST dude in the world plop down some chocolate cake in front of Lisa loeb on some reality show that we both would have been embarrassed to mention if we were on a date. holy shit this guy was gorge! is it NOT cool to masturbate to excess reality programming? too late/i hope not!

anyways, the waiter was a super hot babe- just to be clear! Dark hair, dreamy, and NOT french! perfect! he looked like a broke, dirtier, even more angsty, but with a bigger d*ck version of Robert Pattinson! and that’s saying a lot for me! cuz i already imagine Robert Pattinson has a HUGE private! if anyone knows him, send him my way. that could be an epic night! hotel, glass of wine, and a tawdry/torrid/sexy make-out etc.

anyways, back to my story: Now, keep in mind, the Lisa loeb reality show took place in NYC and I live in la. um, I’m not saying I went to ny JUST for the chocolate shop dude-but when I did end up in NY, I sure as hell made it a point to find that shop! endless googling of the words ‘Lisa loeb, chocolate, cafe’ ensued!

well, I found it! like a mother fucking champ!  the show did not make it easy, that’s for DAMN sure. no ‘thank you’s’ to ‘insert french cafe name here’ in the credits? what was that all about?! thanks for nothing assholes! even though the song ‘stay’ will forever be a solid and reliable karaoke jam for me and a million others.

when I cozied up at a table in the cafe, all by myself, (while my boyfriend at the time was at sound check) ordered a hot chocolate and waited, it all seemed worth the effort. i didn’t see him. hmm, no worries. I’m sure he was just making a tea, or organizing a plate of scones in the back or whatevs. i asked the ugly, boring waiters- who WERE there- if they knew who i was looking for. i sputtered out some retarded description; hoping that if he wasn’t there, it was ONLY because he was in Los Angeles looking for me! i held my breath for their answer.

and you know what? the dude wasn’t fucking there anymore! nope, he’d quit a few weeks prior! GOD DAMMIT! maybe i wasn’t the first visitor who’d come looking for him? well, i’d like to think i was the cutest! at least one thing was on my side… they told me he was straight! so at least if i did find him, he couldn’t use his sexuality as an excuse not to kiss me.

well, I tried. Had I REALLY wanted to find him, I could have asked the waiters and manager that WERE there for his phone number. But, I wasn’t CRAZY! and i wasn’t looking to cheat. I guess I just wanted a mission and to see if he was as cute in person as he was on my TV screen.

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