ex-boyfriends, youth, and french fries (part 2):

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As I walked to the parking lot, I had an urge to drive to the valley, over crescent heights which turns into laurel canyon, and go somewhere, ANYWHERE on Ventura blvd. Maybe Twain’s (a more mom and pop version of Denny’s. It’s a coffee shop. Not so corporate. Old timey, 50′s style). but I didn’t need anything there. I used to go there when I was 14, 15, 16- when I’d just started wearing mascara- hanging out with the bad kids at school, seeing bands play, smoking cigs (I don’t smoke anymore- it’s way too gnarly bad for you, and makes you look like leather face- even though it looks super cool in a photo, especially if it’s black and white!) I used to go there and talk shit with people I don’t even know anymore. People I probably didn’t even like at the time! who i knew meant nothing to me. And yet I filled my social calender hanging out with them. aching for their approval! never wanting to miss a get together, show, hangout, whatevs- out of  fear they might talk shit about me, or that something epic might happen and i’d miss it.

i guess i also just wanted to leave my room and get out of my moms house in north Hollywood. at the time, i didn’t have my license OR a car yet- so ANYONE willing to pick me up and drive me somewhere was a legend! and being anywhere, out and about with people my age- mean or not, made me feel so important and excited. like we were so powerful and cool and could take over the world. I let their opinion and acceptance of me matter. but who were these people? Sometimes who you go to school with or who you hang out with is decided by/simply because of convenience. I used to order grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries that I would dip in ketchup and ranch dressing. We saw the rocky horror picture show at the Nuart theatre. And stayed up at Twain’s drinking tons of coffee (mine with lots of milk and sugar).

for some reason- I wanted to reconnect with this side of myself. I wanted to tap into my youth. like, say hi to it or something. Apologize for it being over. Apologize for thinking it was so painful- even though, even now, I know it was! Those teen years were dark and brutal. Maybe I wanted to drive over the hill and revisit my past youth because it was raining and I’m in the midst of mourning the death of something- moving onto bigger and better things- and aware of the fact that I know myself now- and I’m happy and centered and excited. Maybe I wanted to mix the two together: my childhood innocence with who I am now. I wanted them both at once. But I decided that I didn’t need to go to Twain’s to do that. I wasn’t hungry, I’ll always be 16 in my heart,  and the September issue was playing at the sunset 5 in 20 minutes. I had other shit to do! Halloween was around the corner, and I totally planned on going trick or treating, watching scary movies, having drinks at a party, and going to a pumpkin patch! I’m totally youthful! I just don’t smoke anymore, i eat way healthier, have my own car, apartment, and actually like/love the people in my life. life is better now. Fuck Twain’s! Xo

ex-boyfriends, youth, and french fries:

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I saw my most recent ex for the first time in a month. It was his birthday. It was friendly, quick, silly, and only slightly awkward. I don’t want anything from him. I don’t need anything from him- so it wasn’t filled with painful longing or remorse for what was- it was more a sneak peak, or evidence that he could be/might be a best friend. I have so much love for him. And yet- and he feels the same way- not being together was/is a good decision. After he left, with no kissing or anything-just hugs that he wasn’t really comfortable with me giving him- I went to m cafe.

I sat alone. it was raining outside. they have valet at night now which is new and totally annoying. the stipulation is that it’s free the first hour and $3 after. Ugh! isn’t m cafe expensive enough?! god dammit! next time, I have to make sure I only park in the front (a non valet zone). I hate when valet dudes have to take your keys. I understand when they’re actually PARKING my car FOR me, or when it’s hectic and busy and cars are gonna have to be moved and re-parked like a puzzle- but it was a desolate rainy night, so i parked my car myself- and ran before he could even ASK for my keys. I just wasn’t prepared for the unveiling of this unexpected/out of the blue confrontation at my home away from home. plus, I had no cash to tip with- which always makes me feel like a major dickhead. maybe my period was making me moody.

I left m in JUST under an hour, and went to rite aide on sunset to buy feminine protection, which still embarrasses me and makes me uuber shy. I prayed I didn’t run into Madonna or Ben Affleck or something! I didn’t. phew. I used to be so scared and ashamed, when buying Tampax, that I would grab a paper bag on my way in- and when I got the box, I’d stuff it into the bag and take it up to the register. My friends would always say ‘aren’t you afraid they’ll think you’re shoplifting?’ But, no. I wasn’t scared at all. first of all, i WASN’T shoplifting. second: the best way to shop lift, so no one notices you, is to act like you’re not doing anything wrong, which is how i acted. and 3rd, 4th, and 5th: I’m super tall, with an extreme haircut. how could you miss me? wouldn’t a shoplifter be a little more incognito? incognito is not an option when you’re me. plus, I’m a clean cut looking white GIRL. right or wrong, I’m usually given the benefit of the doubt. be it a moving violation or eating food i’ve yet to purchase at the supermarket, or stuffing an unpaid box of tampax into a paper bag at the local drug store- all these things put together add up to me never being put in jail. I’m sorry, these are the perks of being female and Caucasian. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying I can (unfortunately) get away with a lot more than others. Too bad I don’t have any urge to be a murderer! but tonight, I didn’t pre-bag the Tampax box, I held it firmly in my left hand, clung to my side. not quite fearless, but not as ashamed as usual. a happy medium? i suppose. (to be continued)

she wants revenge:

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meet Adam Bravin! aka: dj Adam 12! aka: 1/2 of the band ‘she wants revenge‘ -

(whose second studio album is in stores now muthah-fuckahs)!

watch us hang out and chat, while Adam makes us the BEST coffee in the ENTIRE WORLD!

Adam isn’t a boy, he’s a man. he knows what he wants, he’s experienced, and no question i asked him was off limits! if only every dude could be so open and easy. follow him on twitter after you fall in love with him in the videos below!

adam 12 – PART 1: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

adam 12 – PART 2: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the blind leading the blind (part 24):

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1. dear homeless people, stop smelling SO gross on MY time. I understand that you can’t/won’t bathe- but why do you have to walk past my booth table at whole foods while I’m eating and leave a trail of sour stench? it isn’t cool. so beat it!

2. someone told me that if you get a yeast infection, you should soak a tampon in plain yogurt and stick it in your vadge. I’m not saying YOU should do this, but I thought you should know that SOME people do this and you might be talking to one of them RIGHT NOW and not even know it!

3. the new vadge coif for fall: bare on the bottom, full on retro bush on top. not only does it look great in a photo, it’s totally helpful/conducive to having your pussy licked and loved.

4. clean the grease off your phone yuck face!

5. stop chewing sugar free gum. It makes your tummy tum act all weird and gurgly!

6. stop chewing sugar gum. It’ll totally rot your teeth dude!

7. just because he’s famous, doesn’t mean he’s worth catching herpes from.

8. if you ARE gonna get herpes- it’s way cooler to contract them from someone who’s been on a billboard.

9. when going on dates- assume every potential escort is a murderer. It’ll be incentive to think a bit more clearly and protect yourself from the bad guys/girls.

10. the initials V.I.P. stand for ‘very important person’. wtf?! How ridiculous is this? And who came up with it? how elitist and rude! if i created the world and social etiquette and all it’s rules, i wouldn’t have velvet ropes and special standing areas, and blatant ways of discriminating /distinguishing who’s more important than another. i mean, like, maybe if i threw a party or whatevs- i would let my mom and my best friends have a special table at a club or something, actually, my mom’s too old for the table at the imaginary club that doesn’t discriminate – in my mind’s eye. but she can be the door lady. and like maybe no fat people, even though they’re nice, but like, now that i am making the rules, i kinda have to re-think things. ok, how’s this: no fatty, yuck, ugly faces with pimples allowed at the party. but they are totally cool to hang out with outside of a party. like at a restaurant, but not a super hip restaurant. ok, yeah, that sounds better. back to the club party: only my friends, and like super cute, or like very skinny, and famous people are allowed in my club with no lame ass v.i.p. section. cause sections are just rude. hmm, but it would make my beautiful cool famous pretty and/or skinny guests feel REALLY UUBER cool if the antithesis of them were standing nearby and staring at them with jealousy, envy, and bitterness in their eyes. hmm, but how do we make sure the ugly lamos who put the other people on pedestals don’t tip toe too close? shit, we might need a rope. but it doesn’t have to be red velvet. gold? no, let’s make it white leather. yeah. perfect. TOTALLY DIFFERENT! the asshole who created velvet ropes, signs, and initials reading ‘v.i.p.’ should take some pointers from me! there’s a way to party without being all elitist and rude!

on the radio:

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ALEXI will be on the radio tonight!

10:30PM – 12 MIDNIGHT PST,

KXLU 88.9FM LOS ANGELES.

CALL IN AND SAY HELLO!

(310) 338-5958



it’s so funny:

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I told him, when I met his parents for the first time, how it made me squirm a bit. he was another guy I had fallen in love with and this was another family I’d get close to. If it didn’t work out- and obviously it eventually didn’t- I would have opened myself up to another group of people who i’d have to say goodbye to; friends and family.

Now, looking back, it stings- especially when I think back to the day my most recent ex and I broke up. him saying that he didn’t talk about our break up with his dad because his dad would have just been harsh towards ME and that his step mom advised him not to see me in person- after we’d broken up over the phone. Wow. Then when I called his friend that I’ve only ever been friendly with- who I’d consoled (via the phone) while he cried about his life and options and choices/who told me I made his relationship with (insert my ex’s name here) better and that he hoped we stay together forever- when I called him to get some advice and was in a bad place and needed to talk one human being to another- this friend of the ex snapped at me and told me he would have broken up with me two weeks into the relationship if he had been MY boyfriend- with all the tests and games I pulled with (ex).

Huh? Had he been in the relationship with me? No. Had I only ever been loving towards him? Yes. Didn’t he know how emotionally closed off his friend/my ex could be? I thought so. He should. Wow. This was a wake up call. Never consider your bf’s friends your own. Their friends are their friends. And their family is their family.

Later- when the ex and I were amicabley broken up, he said not to worry about the friends behavior. The friend was just defensive and being protective of him. I get that. But, when I flipped the situation and thought about how I would treat a person, I realized I would have never snapped and been so cold and rude. And now that there’s been more time since my breakup, and as I continue to only say nice things about my ex when people ask why we’ve split- the only person that’s left me with a bad taste in my mouth is his friend and his behavior. Behavior from a guy who preaches being understanding, and having empathy for the human condition; someone who is very emotional himself. If my ex and I don’t hate each other, he needn’t be so rude.

As I move on and WHEN i fall in love with the next man I choose to make important in my life- I’m not gonna let this experience make me be closed off. I’m not gonna get jaded or bitter. I’m gonna remain open, and meet the next love of my life’s friends and family, and love them as if they were my own. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope they don’t act like total unfeeling, asshole, hypocrites for no good reason – if the whole thing goes awry/falls apart. That’s the hardest part sometimes- staying open and childlike and always believing in love. but i am, and i do. I love you. Xo

PS: TOMORROW FROM 10:30PM – 12 MIDNIGHT PST, I’LL BE ON THE RADIO!

KXLU 88.9FM LOS ANGELES.

CALL IN AND SAY HELLO! THE # IS (310) 338-5958

PODCAST TONIGHT!

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TONIGHT FROM 8-10PM PST:

ok, so i’m doing a podcast again…tonight. 8pm – 10pm PST. my mom gave me some advice: this time i will listen better, not be so frantic, not act as though it’s a race to get through all the calls.  i will treat people the way i want to be treated. i might have a glass of wine before the show. i will be calmer and gentler.

it’s gonna be two hours, with a surprise guest for the first hour. the second hour will be me taking YOUR calls. so, give me another chance. tell your friends: guys and girls to call in. (646) 378-0649

just come back here at 8pm and click on the podcast/blog talk radio link to the right.

two different girls called in and the advice i gave was a bit sloppy. i misheard them and wasn’t focusing. it was because i was frantic due to technical difficulties. one girl said she was bummed about a guy she really likes (who is friends with a guy she used to hook up with) not telling people about their relationship. i didn’t hear you clearly and said you should move on. but now that i listened to the podcast (while cringing and at the same time fighting the urge to punch myself in the face) i understand that he’s just being respectful of his friend. i think you should continue dating, wait it out for like 6 months and keep it low key. there’s a difference between your guy being ashamed of you and just being respectful of one of his friends. trust your instincts.

also, a girl called in about liking a guy that her friend likes and that it was causing a problem between the two girls. i told her to have her friend call me, but i think that when the friend called- i didn’t put two and two together. so call me again and tell me if the mutual guy crush is still an issue- but tell me what your friends name is, so i can expect her call and know who i’m supposed to be giving advice to.

so, there you go! i hope to hear from all my wonderful girl and boy readers. but don’t forget, i AM totally boycrazy- so i’d love to hear from cute guys with six packs too. (and by ‘six packs’ i mean: successful, strong, tall, neato, smart, cool dudes)! lot’s of love, alexi

TOMORROW FROM 6-8PM:

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don’t forget to RSVP! see you there! there will be 2 kissing booths! one for boys and one for girls! make-up, drinks, babes, and dj ana calderon who i love soooo much! yippy skippy! it’s important to be social! xo

hangin’ with nate – part 2:

hangin’ with nate – part deux: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

hangin’ with nate – part 1:

hangin’ with nate PART 1: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the cobrasnake’s GRANDPA KARL! official interview!

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you saw the commercial on Monday. well, the time has come! an actual interview with a man dude who has some serious life experience. this is karl, mark ‘the cobrasnake’ hunter’s grandpa! maybe this interview will help shape up the lazy mongrels that are walking around town claiming to be men! Karl is a man who’s been through long term relationships, is still with a woman he met 29 years ago, and has survived the holocaust. for real. this is Karl. an amazing man i was lucky enough to hang out and have a chat with. enjoy!

the cobrasnake’s GRANDPA KARL! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the cobrasnake’s GRANDPA KARL part 2: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.



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