the blind leading the blind (part 35):

1. walking around your apartment naked is the new black.

2. i guess i got the rule WRONG! while it’s OK to leave a huge party without saying goodbyes; it’s apparently NOT cool to leave a party with less than seven people, without saying ‘goodbye’ or ‘thank you for having me’. so thanks for the lesson auntie Jasmin. you’re right! saying ‘goodbye’ does show that i have a heart and am a good person who’s respectful, loving, and thankful. you go girl. today i am a little bit better… thanks to you!

3. it’s TOTALLY an asshole move to give the ending of a movie away! no matter how obvious you think it is- it’s just rude/bad manners! i mean really! what the fuck are you trying to prove here? are you so devoid of happiness, you have to rob people of something as simple as an experience at the MOVIES?! it’s like you’re basically sucker punching me in the face- is what it is! for the love of god! don’t be SUCH a fucking cunty cunt cunt! yeah, you heard me cunty mcKunterson! take it!

4. the best time to pick a zit is the night before you’re gonna be in front of a camera! trust me!

5. treat yourself like you’re your own child. would you really let a little version of you go over to that hotel room and suck that dirty band dudes, self important/entitled- privates/dick/herpes factory? probably not… unless you’re a mean, murderer, molester, maniac, jerky jerk! let’s get real here: yeah, he’s famous and cute, BUT- you don’t even know him! and he sure as hell doesn’t know you! but you DO KNOW that he doesn’t and will NEVER care about you. you’d let your daughter do that? or would you protect her from the aftermath of such an empty experience? you think you’re so tough and it’s all in fun and for the experience; but, be nice to yourself. and if you can’t do it for you, imagine it’s for your own kid. this also goes for; being hard on yourself, having a constant negative internal dialogue about yourself, picking at your face and back, thinking you’re shit. what would you say to your child if he/she was beating himself up and their own worst enemy? hopefully you’d give them a hug, tell them to stop it, and that you love them. be the parent you never had.

6. house, curb your enthusiasm, modern family, entourage,  and 30 rock are the best scripted shows on television right now. (the soup, real housewives of NYC, and the kardashians are fun too)

7. if late night with Conan O’Brien, Seinfeld, Beverly hills 90210, freaks and geeks, unscripted, sex and the city, the wonder years, felicity, friends, and my so called life were still around…. i would have said THEM too! or maybe i JUST DID!!!!

8. figure out what you love doing, what you want to do, what your dream life would be, and do it! imagine if you could make a living doing what you love! that’s the goal! i love you.

9. stop eating so much soy. it’s not as good for you as you might think. consider the fact that it might be BAD for you.

10. your friend is TOTALLY talking shit about you. don’t ask me how i know, i just know, OK!? fine…..they told me!


calling all filmers!

Do you live in the Los Angeles area? Are you an amazing filmer/editor/cinematographer/photographer? If you are any of those things, or all of those things, you should let me know. I’m looking for a few rad human beings to be part of a truly fantastic top secret upcoming project happening in Los Angeles in and around April of 2010.

Strengths include: desire to make beautiful work, ability to work on the fly, love of art, music, and culture, knowledge of the Internet and an overall sense of the difference between what is good and what is bad.

If this sounds like you, or sounds like someone you know, or sounds like someone that someone you know might know- please respond to with the subject: alexi and me. Please include a link to your site/reel/blog/tumblr or whatever other means you think best communicates how great you are.

Also feel free to fwd, tweet, facebook and generally share this post with the world. The sooner the better!



big is good….

no, I’m not encouraging all of you to run out and get fat!

I’m letting you know about a super cool new website called BIG IS GOOD!

basically, it’s a home for TV shows: scripted, unscripted, etc!

the shows are original/funny/entertaining/cool/inspiring/and educational!

i have a channel on the site too!

you won’t be sorry you clicked!






xo, me

in the name of love/response to my bullshit (part 5):

his answer:

her answer:

to my original question:

THE MONSTER ASKS ABOUT LOVE: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the blind leading the blind (part 34):

1. you know it’s right when you look back and he’s looking back too.

2. i feel the same was about bbm’ing as I do about anal sex: I won’t and will never do it! And neither should you!

3. for the love of god, watch the september issue! What’re you, living under a rock?! Get with the program moron!

4. white dudes are out! march is all about black dudes. trust me.

5. stop picking at your back and bikini line! i know you’re probably doing it so you’ll have some sub-concious excuse not to be naked in front of anyone, but even if you’re all alone, YOU still have to look at yourself in the mirror. and that shit is NOT sexy!

6.  as far as relationships go: if you’re not feeling it, end it. rip it off like a band-aide. don’t waste his/her time or yours!

7. being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing at all! IN FACT, it can be the best thing in the world! take this time to work on yourself, your career, and whatever other personal goals you have. this will make you all the more ready to be with someone in the future!

8. when the loneliness creeps in at night; watch TV, read a book, take a bath, masturbate, call a friend, write! PS: isn’t that what facebook is for?!

9. if you don’t wanna look at/eat near people with severe acne/sores on their face: I don’t blame you. It’s fucking gross.

10. If you ARE one of these sore faced people- I don’t think you should be shot or anything- I’ve been there! But might I suggest going to a great dermatologist, going on accutane, or getting a good/deep facial with extractions from a hefty older Russian lady?! Well, too late, I just did!

my new boyfriend:

lisa loeb and me:

i knew I was boycrazy, even years ago, while I was watching the Lisa loeb show. yeah, there was a Lisa loeb reality show and I fucking loved it! one episode, Lisa and her mom went to a french chocolate shop/cafe place, and their waiter was so cute, Lisa wondered if he was too young for her to ask on a date- or some shit like that. who knows exactly WHAT happened, i was too busy freaking out about the fact that i was watching the SEXIEST dude in the world plop down some chocolate cake in front of Lisa loeb on some reality show that we both would have been embarrassed to mention if we were on a date. holy shit this guy was gorge! is it NOT cool to masturbate to excess reality programming? too late/i hope not!

anyways, the waiter was a super hot babe- just to be clear! Dark hair, dreamy, and NOT french! perfect! he looked like a broke, dirtier, even more angsty, but with a bigger d*ck version of Robert Pattinson! and that’s saying a lot for me! cuz i already imagine Robert Pattinson has a HUGE private! if anyone knows him, send him my way. that could be an epic night! hotel, glass of wine, and a tawdry/torrid/sexy make-out etc.

anyways, back to my story: Now, keep in mind, the Lisa loeb reality show took place in NYC and I live in la. um, I’m not saying I went to ny JUST for the chocolate shop dude-but when I did end up in NY, I sure as hell made it a point to find that shop! endless googling of the words ‘Lisa loeb, chocolate, cafe’ ensued!

well, I found it! like a mother fucking champ!  the show did not make it easy, that’s for DAMN sure. no ‘thank you’s’ to ‘insert french cafe name here’ in the credits? what was that all about?! thanks for nothing assholes! even though the song ‘stay’ will forever be a solid and reliable karaoke jam for me and a million others.

when I cozied up at a table in the cafe, all by myself, (while my boyfriend at the time was at sound check) ordered a hot chocolate and waited, it all seemed worth the effort. i didn’t see him. hmm, no worries. I’m sure he was just making a tea, or organizing a plate of scones in the back or whatevs. i asked the ugly, boring waiters- who WERE there- if they knew who i was looking for. i sputtered out some retarded description; hoping that if he wasn’t there, it was ONLY because he was in Los Angeles looking for me! i held my breath for their answer.

and you know what? the dude wasn’t fucking there anymore! nope, he’d quit a few weeks prior! GOD DAMMIT! maybe i wasn’t the first visitor who’d come looking for him? well, i’d like to think i was the cutest! at least one thing was on my side… they told me he was straight! so at least if i did find him, he couldn’t use his sexuality as an excuse not to kiss me.

well, I tried. Had I REALLY wanted to find him, I could have asked the waiters and manager that WERE there for his phone number. But, I wasn’t CRAZY! and i wasn’t looking to cheat. I guess I just wanted a mission and to see if he was as cute in person as he was on my TV screen.








the guy you HAPPILY let cum inside you WITHOUT a condom:

I’d just gotten home after one of those nights where i did ONE thing that left me feeling like someone thought i was stupid, weird and/or dumb. I’d said something to some dude i thought was a dork, and wasn’t even attracted to, and now i couldn’t shake it. why did i even care what he thought of me? he played no part in my life. he had a girlfriend. i had a boyfriend. but now my whole world was caving in. the spiral had begun; regretting how i acted, what i said, wondering what he was thinking about me now, and how i could change his OBVIOUSLY ill opinion of me. he probably wasn’t even giving me a second thought. but let’s face it, he probably was. but hopefully not. whatever, he can shit talk/think I’m awkward and lame- all he wants! it just weeds out the people who aren’t meant to be in my life! yeah! sometimes i wish i didn’t internalize and analyze everything so much. sometimes I’m very happy i do. either way, i do. I’ve learned that the best way to get over my crazy spirals is to pretend it’s a week later- speeding up the inevitable, when i know I’ll have forgotten i ever even cared what some dude/person/people may or may not have been thinking of me.

that aside, i was using this stranger to distract myself from what was REALLY going on in my life: I’d done it again! I’d cast a spell on a boy and gotten caught up in the moment and not realized that my actions have consequences. that men have feelings too. and that my behavior, words, touch, gaze, and attention can have/has an affect on people. i was in too deep with a guy, and i wasn’t feeling ‘it’ anymore. at least not like i was. now i was left in a sticky situation, but i wasn’t ready to pull the plug, cuz i didn’t know exactly how i felt. it had gone from epic, to me freaking out, to casual. and it felt like the bubble burst and i should call it a day. but things aren’t black and white. i didn’t know what i wanted. i’d met a really great guy. there was nothing wrong with him, i just wasn’t sure if he was right for me. was my confusion enough of a sign to end it, or should i take some time to casually date him and get to know him before i ran ? the only thing was, this thing didn’t start out casual, it started out full throttle and my doubts were only setting in after ‘i love you’s’ were said and he’d asked to go steady or whatever you call being boyfriend and girlfriend. how did i get here? i wouldn’t go back in time and change a thing… i just didn’t know how to go forward.

so often i worry and act out when i don’t get the attention i want from every guy who comes my way. i don’t take the time to consider if i even like THEM! unless they’re a TOTAL dorky/ugly/pussy… THEN i don’t give a fuck! but I’d still have sexxx with a bizarre looking/interesting/successful dude! in a heartbeat! my friend Dallas thinks i have the worst taste in men cuz I’ve slept with fat, ugly, short, abnormally tall, sickly skinny, balding, and bald dudes. not all at the same time! don’t worry! I’ve only had one threesome, and it was with a girl and a guy who were both hipster/heroine chic. but that’s another story, for another time.

anyways, it takes all kinds. the point is, if i even have one- cuz i might not, is that i get caught up real quick. I’m in love with love. or at least infatuation. i can be a dreamy, whimsical person who can find a million different meanings in one look a boy gives me. (which can be unfortunate for the dude sometimes!) i have no problem and am happy to make extreme eye contact during sex. the deeper and more meaningful the experience can be, the better. the only problem is, as easily as i can throw myself all in, i can just as easily shut down- leaving a guy in the lurches. but isn’t that just called life? it’s not pretty and safe and wrapped up in a bow all the time! and don’t men act irresponsibly with women’s feelings all the time? I’d rather go full throttle, then press on the brakes if i decide to- instead of  treading safely and being careful from the get go.

but what was i even looking for? i wasn’t old enough or ready to get married,  or craving a boyfriend. I’ve never sought out having a boyfriend anyways. it always just ‘happens’. but i wanted the love. and for a minute, i felt it too. in fact; i was in and out of it. but then the seriousness of the situation set in: “boyfriend” “i love you’s”. i panicked and had to decide if i should break it off completely, or pull the pussy move by picking fights and being passive aggressive to make him break up with me. i had one foot in and one foot out. a part of me would think “god, the sex is great! he’s good-looking, but he’s not my normal type. but maybe that’s a good thing!?” even though, according to Dallas, i don’t even have a type. I’d vacillate between thinking we were too different and thinking we’re actually very similar. sometimes, I’d imagine myself in his arms, spooning and think “you know what, i could call it a day and call him the one for good!” i hope all girls can be this nutty, because i do NOT like feeling this way. and there’s SAFETY in numbers bitches!

did all this uncertainty mean he was the wrong guy for me? could he have been the right guy, but i was just too young and immature and preoccupied with the need to be alone and work? would i be the one missing out in the end? could i even trust my gut anymore, after all, i have a million ‘daddy’ issues. i didn’t know what to do! should i just stay away from guys, to save them from me and my behavior? wow, how self important am i? is it better to stay with someone if they’re a good person, attractive, and the sex is great – even if the initial crazy euphoria has died down so soon and you could also just as easily be alone? but what if the person is great and could make a lovely boyfriend you could learn from? does it always have to be under the condition of ‘forever’?

if the fireworks/mad crazy aspect of the relationship has died down and you know you’ve met too early on in your life and there’s no way they will be your final destination (which, to me, is a baby daddy). and yes, i know the ‘final destination’  isn’t always the man who fathers your child. but he will, most likely, be in your life forever- whether you split or not, cuz of the kid! so you better be as damn sure about him as you can be if/when you let him cum inside you without a condom.

if all that you’re left with is a nice guy you have sexual chemistry with, do you run and hold out for another “forever” prospect. or do you just hang out with someone and have a nice, fun time?

the thing is, I’ve been single and had sex with guys who don’t love me and it doesn’t feel good. but to be with someone who loves you when you’re in ‘single, all about me and my own personal responsibilities’ mode- feels shitty too! so what is the answer? I’m not wishy washy. I’m all in or nothing. so this makes loving and relationships more confusing. and usually when a girl is aloof with a guy and doesn’t give a fuck and it’s casual for HER/on her terms.. the dude falls in love.

but being grounded and loved by someone you like can be nice too!

i guess when it’s in sync, and the love is equal on both ends and sustains itself- you know you’ve found something bigger than logic, timing, rules, and being rational. you just make room for it in your life, cut the bullshit, stop analyzing, shut the fuck up- because you’re happy to do so and it feels super good and right. and even if you’re not gonna be with someone forever, isn’t it better to live under the spell that it ‘might’ last forever and be open to the possibility of that chance…. and end it if/when that dream is shattered, than stay with someone who you know in your bones you won’t be with when you’re old and gray? cuz then both parties are being kept from something else that could be epic.

it’s better to take the chance of losing someone, and being alone, then stay because it’s safe and they’re good for now/a warm body. that’s way more scary than being alone.

but, just like power shifts in a healthy relationship, do ‘love surges’ come and go as well? don’t moods shift as well? i wouldn’t wanna make any extreme decisions while I’m pms’ing… cuz  I’m a completely different person!

all these thoughts, but i still didn’t know what to do….

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