1. REMEMBER CARROTS? think of them as ‘mother nature’s potato chips’! enjoy!
2. no. that outfit does NOT look good on you!
3. when the barista gives you a full fat latte, when you clearly asked for a non fat latte, the bitch is trying to fuck with you/ruin your life. trust me. there are no mistakes!
4. my therapist says that when i wake up and look in the mirror, I’m only allowed to say hello to myself! i can’t think anything mean, belittling, or harsh about myself. yeah, good-luck,me! but, personally, i blame the mirror for all the negativity.
5. stop distracting yourself, and do your fucking work! whether it’s homework, a writing deadline, or whatever! get it done! no one else can do it for you! that means STOP reading blogs (mine excluded), fb, twitter, myspace (is myspace still alive even? well if it IS, cut it the fuck out too!) it’s called a MEDIA FREEZE people! and sometimes, a lot of the time, it has to be put in effect god dammit!
6. don’t get back with an ex. it NEVER WORKS! sure, there are a few exceptions. but the majority of the time, it will end all over again! why put someone through that twice? why put yourself through that twice? all the things that drove you two apart to begin with, are still there! lurking beneath the surface. maybe even some new annoying things too! do what you will, but… i warned you!
7. always wear latex gloves when you go tagging!
8. stop eye darting when you’re talking to me, i mean, people… when you’re talking to people!
9. don’t forget to touch yourself! this includes: finger-banging yourself, jerking yourself off, stimulating your clitoris, or just patting yourself on the back! cuz why not?! you’ve earned it buddy!
10. never use the word ‘buddy’ in conversation. it confuses peoples insides.