I told him, when I met his parents for the first time, how it made me squirm a bit. he was another guy I had fallen in love with and this was another family I’d get close to. If it didn’t work out- and obviously it eventually didn’t- I would have opened myself up to another group of people who i’d have to say goodbye to; friends and family.
Now, looking back, it stings- especially when I think back to the day my most recent ex and I broke up. him saying that he didn’t talk about our break up with his dad because his dad would have just been harsh towards ME and that his step mom advised him not to see me in person- after we’d broken up over the phone. Wow. Then when I called his friend that I’ve only ever been friendly with- who I’d consoled (via the phone) while he cried about his life and options and choices/who told me I made his relationship with (insert my ex’s name here) better and that he hoped we stay together forever- when I called him to get some advice and was in a bad place and needed to talk one human being to another- this friend of the ex snapped at me and told me he would have broken up with me two weeks into the relationship if he had been MY boyfriend- with all the tests and games I pulled with (ex).
Huh? Had he been in the relationship with me? No. Had I only ever been loving towards him? Yes. Didn’t he know how emotionally closed off his friend/my ex could be? I thought so. He should. Wow. This was a wake up call. Never consider your bf’s friends your own. Their friends are their friends. And their family is their family.
Later- when the ex and I were amicabley broken up, he said not to worry about the friends behavior. The friend was just defensive and being protective of him. I get that. But, when I flipped the situation and thought about how I would treat a person, I realized I would have never snapped and been so cold and rude. And now that there’s been more time since my breakup, and as I continue to only say nice things about my ex when people ask why we’ve split- the only person that’s left me with a bad taste in my mouth is his friend and his behavior. Behavior from a guy who preaches being understanding, and having empathy for the human condition; someone who is very emotional himself. If my ex and I don’t hate each other, he needn’t be so rude.
As I move on and WHEN i fall in love with the next man I choose to make important in my life- I’m not gonna let this experience make me be closed off. I’m not gonna get jaded or bitter. I’m gonna remain open, and meet the next love of my life’s friends and family, and love them as if they were my own. I’ll just cross my fingers and hope they don’t act like total unfeeling, asshole, hypocrites for no good reason – if the whole thing goes awry/falls apart. That’s the hardest part sometimes- staying open and childlike and always believing in love. but i am, and i do. I love you. Xo
PS: TOMORROW FROM 10:30PM – 12 MIDNIGHT PST, I’LL BE ON THE RADIO!
KXLU 88.9FM LOS ANGELES.
CALL IN AND SAY HELLO! THE # IS (310) 338-5958