1. in case you were wondering: it’s better to have people think you’re doing cocaine in a toilet stall, than have them think you’re ACTUALLY going to the bathroom for realz. whatever that means, cuz girls do not do that. they just don’t. next topic please!
2. who came up with darts? Throwing sharp/scary/pointy things all drunky?! No way!
3. tapping along to a dumb song means you’re dumb. Case closed.
4. Just because a person is good-looking doesn’t mean it’s enough to keep you interested. take that YOU SHALLOW JERK!
5. ugly people are the WORST! riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightttt?!
6. if you and the guy you’re dating are sitting at a table and both on your phones- a good reply to people judging you harshly, as they walk by, would be ‘were not unhappy, were just multitasking! ya nosey bum!’
7. if she’s old enough to cross the street, she’s old enough to get hit. you do the math. Thug life. Peace.
8. wearing really dirty, worn in keds COULD give people the impression that you’re homeless.
9. if you see a girl sitting alone at whole foods, go up and say hello. Tell her she’s beautiful. you really have nothing to lose. She could be the girl of your dreams. Or at least possibly the best sex you’ve ever had! maybe even both! Hurry! She’s getting away!
10. people aren’t single forever dum dums. Seize your op when you can! Cuz the good ones aren’t on the market for long! that’s for damn sure!