alone at a party:


one of the most horrible things about getting out of a relationship is being at a party and not having your eye on anyone as a potential make-out or sexy rendezvous. it is in that moment you realize ‘i am truly alone’. sure, you can rationalize it in different ways like ‘you’re never really alone when you have your friends around’ or ‘you’re not alone if you’re in close proximity to other human beings who are making direct eye contact and speaking with you’. or, ‘like hey, what if i was at this party alone cuz my bf was out of town or something?’ well, he’s not. you’re single! who knows where your bf is? cuz you don’t have one and your ex is probably fucking a 17 year old boy, i mean girl, somewhere.

you are alone in the sense that- you have no one who is one phone call away- willing/able/actually excited/maybe even generally interested in listening to all your boring, i mean personal, stories/woes/rants/daily sagas. you have no one to check in with. your mom and bff don’t count. i mean they do, but that’s not what i’m talking about.

tonight i went to a party and i was excited. that’s the great thing about being single- you never know what’s gonna happen or who you’re gonna meet. (that’s ACTUALLY the great thing about life in general. you just ‘never know’- good OR bad!) but you also have to prepare for it to be a bust too! and tonight, romantically speaking- it was. BUT i met great women and was comfortable in my skin and all that. i had a nice time. i did. for the first time, i didn’t make the night a winning situation ONLY if i put my attention on some cute guy and conquered him for the evening. whether conquering means making out/sexxing/gaining approval via attention/ or whatevs! no guy there ‘did it’ for me, and that was actually ok.

i still haven’t had sex since my break up. when was that again? about a month and a half ago? i hadn’t had sex two weeks prior to the break up either! shit, so it’s been like two months!? holy shit! i’m dying over here! i am a living, breathing example of how women need/want/crave sex too! I’m not saying I’ve been an angel. I’ve totally done everything but have sexxx- but being finger blasted and oral sexxx is just not the same.

I’ve changed since the ‘me’ before my last relationship. i don’t want to get naked with some random dude. (ok, maybe a few) I’m a girl who’s not super ugly. I’m not gonna lie- I’ve had opportunities. it could have already happened- but i feel like I’m a virgin all over again and I’m waiting for the PERFECT person to take my new-found virginity. i also REALLY don’t want to get herpes aids cancer aids.

more and more i need the guy i have sex with or even fool around with to be someone i can talk to; i have to actually give a fuck what he has to say; i need him to be/seem GENUINLY interested in me; and who is someone i can be/feel safe with. even if he isn’t the one- i need someone to know/think I’m special. someone who gets me- before he can be inside me. what’s that saying? a friend with benefits? (ugh. i can’t believe i just typed that.) and i’m learning that THAT is rare to find. so, until then, i will keep busy with work, spend time with my friends, and touch my privates all on my own. and at least when i finger blast myself, i’ll have the courtesy to wash my hands first!

thank you, thank you, thank you:

nylon pic

thank you nylon magazine for the awesome write up in the October ‘it girl’ issue. Marvin, Stephanie, Faran, and everyone over at nylon HQ….i love you!

thank you the fader magazine for this amazing feature on my short films etc! Matthew you are a sweetheart! i love you!

thank you street carnage (short for: street boners and tv carnage) for being super supportive and featuring me and my short films on your site! your readers are brutal- which is forcing me to build a tough skin – something long over due! i love you Gavin and Arvind!

and thank you tank magazine: 1.) for the beautiful photos in ‘the paradise lost’ spread by Alex Prager and 2.) for the blurb! i love you Chloe Kerman and Alex Prager!


the guy who JUST got a BRAND NEW haircut:

the hot new look

this guy is serious! dead serious! serious about the hot new look he’s sporting! fresh haircut (check), mini hoop earring (check), huge brain with a plan for world domination (check,check,check!)

Who is he? What’s his story? Who cares?! the dude’s got a bangin’ new haircut and doesn’t give a fizz-uck! He reminds me of someone, but who? oh yeah: THE MAYOR OF EXCITEMENT CITY- that’s who! Pow!

He can’t even be bothered to look at the god damn camera! And notice how the photo is a bit dark? probably cuz the guy taking the pic is grumpy he didn’t get that bangin’ new ‘do’ first! Goddamnit!

His friends are so in awe, they’re his personal backdrop providers 24/7! What’s he gonna do later? Probably anything and everything! Is he married? Don’t worry about it! Will he make out with you in a dark corner and let you pet his new hair? Shut your mouth! Probably not, but a girl can dream!

He’s got a new lease on life, this guy…. And I’m just happy I got to sit across from him and experience the vibe . Lock up your daughters- assholes! not because this dude babe is dangerous- but because they’re probably too old and yuck for him N E wayz! You’re welcome! I love you. xo

the blind leading the blind (part 22):


1. important people drink diet coke! BUT drinking diet coke will not make you important.

2. try to reserve your inane, boring, self indulgent phone conversations to the privacy of your own home. And if your windows are open- close them asshole! People can hear you! And the secret is: they don’t want to! your voice is noise.

3. watch a guy masturbate to know how he likes to be touched and ‘taken care of’.

4. guys AND girls: do NOT crack your knuckles in front of someone you want to make out with or sexxx! It’s not enticing in any way/shape/or form.

5. yes, i know the blinking red light on your blackberry has somehow turned into the most exciting thing in your life! It could be anyone or anything! But don’t let everyone around you know how exciting this is for you.

6. Windex your bathroom mirror you dirty bitch! the puss, from the zits you pop when you’re all alone, that sprays on the mirror – will TOTALLY give you away every time!

7. if I were sinead o’connor- i would make a come back by growing out my hair, performing a song on Saturday night live, while holding up a picture of the pope- and then NOT tear it up.

8. when someone walks by in a skirt that’s way too short, it’s like watching ice skating- you have to stare cuz you’re waiting for the skater to fall/skirt to blow up and vadge or bum to be exposed!

9. when buying a blank autograph book at the Disneyland gift store- you aren’t supposed to use it to practice signing your own autograph. Don’t make the same mistake I did. It could be way embarrassing.

10. keep your legs closed to married men! (courtesy of NeNe from real housewives of Atlanta)

i’m not too proud to beg:


this is sonny! sonny and i clearly started out on the wrong foot! we met at a super casual/yet uuber chic dinner party – where he was instantly snarky with me! with every question i asked him, i got an answer that in no way resembled the truth. but, being the people pleaser that i am – riddled with daddy issues and a severe NEED to be liked (THANK GOD) i went out of my way to match his bravado, and yell at him until he had no choice but to love me AND my b l o g (or at least agree to MAYBE read it one day)!

now, not only do i think the dude’s great, but i’m an even BIGGER fan of his super awesome girlfriend! they might just be the best couple ever! pow! bam! boom! check out sonny’s crazy amazers (that’s my personal slang for ‘rad’) show at space 1520 UP NOW! don’t be a retarded monster and miss it! it could be the perfect outing for a date! i love you!

begging a dude to read my blog: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

this is getting sad:


sometimes ALL you have is your computer and a fantasy/daydream! the dude you like TOTALLY isn’t calling you- so you’re left googling the shit out of him. i get it! it’s fine. we’ve all done it. we’ve all been there. but this isn’t real. just because Susan miller’s astrology website tells you that his being a Libra and you being an Aquarius is a perfect match, DOESN’T mean your love life is gonna be tied up in a bow! i think you should go on a long walk. i really do. you need some fresh air- you’re having a freak-out. stop refreshing your facebook and twitter pages! no one’s sent you a new message. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news/voice of reason and second grade logic that still holds up.

go outside and talk to a real person. wait till the dude you’ve got in your minds eye ACTUALLY calls you, or a close second, texts you. and if he DOES try to reach you, via twitter or the face book (which i personally feel is a dick AND pussy move)- I’m sure it will alert your blackberry I phone or whatever, so you don’t have to be glued to your desk waiting! move about the world. it’s good for you. i love you. xo

the blind leading the blind (part 21):


1. if you like a girl, just call her. please CALL her.

2. if you like a boy, DON’T call him. Let him call YOU!

3. don’t wait for the phone to ring. you should be juggling men, reading a book, going to the gym, and working towards taking over the world ALL AT ONCE!

4. Hey m cafe- how about you take the raw onions out of the kale salad. What are you trying to do, ruin my life?!

5. only make out with boys who have been on Oprah or have an extensive wikipedia page.

6. nobody likes a star fucker.

7. NEVER obsess over a dude – whether you’re in a relationship OR single.

8. here’s a secret: everyone comes out of a vagina-unless they were removed via c section OR a mistaken miscarriage that swam to the surface of the toilet bowl or carpet it landed in. So don’t let someone make you feel less then, OR not as good as them. Unless they ARE better-cuz that does happen sometimes too. Sorry.

9. don’t talk shit. it’s just a good habit to break! ESPECIALLY if you don’t mean it. cuz even if you DON’T talk shit, I’m sure some asshole out there is saying you said something that you didn’t. and if you DO talk shit – people talk and it will get back to the person you’re ragging on. yeah RAGGING!

10. DUDES: if you WANT to be celibate, you don’t HAVE to grow a goatee! but it will definitely help!


boycrazy bikini mishap: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.


boycrazy waking up in echo park from alexi wasser on Vimeo.


boycrazy gets a job: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

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