a good cause:

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hey you guys! please check this out: www.bobbieroundstheworld.com

It’s  my friend emily and she’s trying to do something totally rad! She’s sailing around the world- alone- helping people around the world by giving them school supplies and eye glasses! she only has a couple of days left to raise the money for her trip, so if you think what she’s doing cool- you should go to her website and give her a dollar or a thousand dollars. xo

ps: here’s an animated short from my friend Logan Christopher-

you lied to me:

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dear forever 21,

what happened dude? I thought we had a deal. you’re supposed to manufacture great designer knock offs with a good fit, at way affordable prices! That was our little secret! We had a pact. It was deep for me!  i THOUGHT it was deep for you too! I believed in us! I would have loved you forever! but there is nothing inside you anymore! Everything inside you looks cheap, flimsy, redundant, and not at all modern. vulgar even! At first glance you look perfect, overflowing with possibility and hope! but it’s just a facade. i just wanted you to make me feel beautiful! like a woman wrapped up in a bow, empowered and ready to face the world! supported by the confidence you give me when you wrap yourself around my body! but I have no interest in anything you have to offer! How can you harbor sooo many clothes, yet nothing fits me right and I don’t want any of it? you really let us down. But like a sucker who’s tasted the magical fruit of our love in the beginning, you and I both know I’ll be back for more- if only just to check in, see how you are, if you’ve changed, and if I’m sill interested. Xo

OH SHIT, IT’S WEDNESDAY!

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hey girl heeeyyyy! the break up list continues! i know break ups are hard, but you MUST handle your shit and take control of your life! you can’t just fall to pieces! do not let your heart drop into the pit of your stomach! keep moving, and keep busy! the minute you stop, you might collapse, so just keep going forward:

DUH! GO SHOPPING!

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PICK AT YOUR FACE!

DO NOT CHECK HIS FACEBOOK/TWITTER PAGE/OR BLOG EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR!

BREATHE! STOP WONDERING WHEN, AND WITH WHO HE’S GONNA MAKE-OUT WITH OR SEXX FIRST! DON’T LET HIS ACTIONS DEFINE YOUR ACTIONS. ONLY PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. AND WHEN YOU’RE READY/WANT TO FOOL AROUND WITH SOMEONE NEW- DO IT! BUT DON’T TRY TO PROVE A POINT TO HIM.

YOU CAN’T BE MAD IF HE KISSES/SEXXXES SOMEONE NEW. HE’S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE.

(HOLY FUCK. THAT LAST ONE WAS EVEN TOO MUCH FOR ME, AND I’M WRITING THIS LIST! YUCK. JUST THE THOUGHT MAKES ME WANT TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK AND DIE/FUCK EVERYONE AS I RIP HIS HEART OUT FOR MAKING ME DO IT- CUZ HE DID IT FIRST AND I WANT TO SHOW HIM HOW MUCH HIS ACTIONS HURT ME. EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT MINE/NOT MY LITTLE BEAR CUB ANYMORE! ANYWAYZIES, BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING ABOUT STAYING POSITIVE:)

NO! DON’T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS! DO I REALLY HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY?

DON’T WASTE TOO MUCH TIME RE-HASHING WHAT HAPPENED, WITH EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO CALLS AND SAYS ‘WHAT HAPPENED?’ IT’S OK FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF DAYS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT’S EATING INTO TIME THAT COULD BE SPENT MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVELY!

HAVE POWER MEETINGS- ALL DAY, EVERYDAY! WOOOO!

WATCH BRIDGET JONES DIARY AND THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA! CUZ YOU CAN!

MAKE-OUT WITH VINCENT GALLO!

WITHOUT KNOWING HOW OR WHY, ASSUME YOU’LL BE ATTENDING THE ACADAMY AWARDS NEXT YEAR- AND LIVE YOUR LIFE ACCORDINGLY! TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY, MAINTAIN YOUR BEAUTY, AND TREAT YOURSELF LIKE THE PRINCESS YOU ARE! NO YOU!

MOISTURIZE EVERY BIT OF YOUR BODY BEFORE BED! ESPECIALLY YOUR BOOBS EVEN!

DON’T GET LAZY AND FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH/FLOSS!

DO YOUR LAUNDRY FOR GOD’S SAKE!

GO OUT DANCING WITH YOUR RE-INSTATED GIRLFRIENDS. BUT DON’T HAVE SEX WITH SOME RANDOM DUDE YOU MEET AT THE CLUB! IT’S OK IF A GUY CORNERS YOU FOR A MAKE-OUT THOUGH. I MEAN, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT IF HE’S  WAY PERSUASIVE AND A BABE!

ORGANIZE YOUR CLOSET YOU SCOUNDRAL!

HANG OUT WITH NATE AT FAMILY BOOKSTORE!

SELL THE SHIT YOU DON’T NEED/WANT ANYMORE- AND WHATEVER THEY WON’T BUY, DONATE TO GOODWILL! YOUR BREAK-UP IS SAVING LIVES!

SEE MOVIES ALONE AT THE ARCLIGHT!

GO TO THE 101 CAFE BY YOURSELF AFTER THE MOVIE AND PEOPLE WATCH! IF YOU SEE A HOT BABE, AND I MEAN UUBER HOT, SEND HIM A PEICE OF CAKE AND WAVE!

WRITE IN YOUR JOURNAL! GET IT ALL OUT BITCH!….. ON PAPER… GROSS!

TAKE EPIC WALKS AROUND THE CITY!

GO ON LONG DRIVES!

LISTEN TO OLDIES! BUT NO MIX CD’S HE MADE FOR YOU!

DO KARAOKE WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS!

GET YOUR HAIR DONE DID!

LOOK GREAT WHEN YOU GO TO HIS HOUSE TO PICK UP THE REST OF YOUR STUUFF. EVEN THOUGH, TECHNICALLY, HE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT IT ALL TO YOU. BUT, LET’S FACE IT, HAVING AN EXCUSE TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN IS PRETTY EXCITING! AM I RIGHT?!

HAVE BREAKFAST AT A FANCY HOTEL! FOR EXAMPLE: SIT AT THE COUNTER AT THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL COFFEE SHOP!

DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANY/ALL OF YOUR EX’S FRIENDS! IT’S NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. UNLESS HE DID IT TO YOU. THEN GO FOR IT. AN EYE FOR AN EYE! EVEN IF IT MIGHT MAKE THE WORLD BLIND!

did i mention i love you? cuz i do! xoxo

PS: click HERE for ANOTHER reminder of why it’s better to be single than with the wrong person. xo

tuesday is a NEW day- bitch ass muthah-fuckahs!

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it’s a new day! (yayzers, crazers, amazers!) and it doesn’t have to look as bleak as yesterday. YESTERDAY, i said my tearful goodbye to my now ex- and NOW i have to keep as busy as possible;  so i don’t slow down enough to even have a chance to regret breaking up, miss him, or feel the loss in general. it’s funny though, nothing has really changed, we’re both in the same town- but just knowing that the ties are cut makes me feel a little unsettled/uneasy. like i don’t have a place. like there’s no one to tell about my day, no one to protect me, or hold me. but allow me to slap myself in the fucking face and snap the fuck out of it! let’s get positive! (as i pause and stare at the computer screen with nothing in me to write). jk, jk!

here’s a breakup guide to remind us of what to do when we’re starting over and mourning the death of something:

GET YOUR NAILS DONE SOME WACKY KUH-RAZY COLOR YOU NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED! HOLLAH! MUTHAH FUCKAH!

TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE YOU DON’T GIVE A FIZZ-UCK!

WRITE THE BOOK YOU SAY YOU WANNA WRITE/ WRITE THAT SCRIPT (AND NOT AT A COFFEE SHOP, YOU ‘NEW TO HOLLYWOOD’ LAME-HEAD!) YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT!

LOOK GOOD EVERYDAY! (YOU NEVER KNOW IF AND WHEN THE EX WILL DROP BY. OR WHO ELSE YOU COULD RUN INTO!)

ONLY WEAR WATERPROOF MASCARA- YOU BIG CRY BABY!

KEEP A GAME FACE! AND MY ‘GAME’ I DON’T MEAN UGLY! KEEP IT CALM, COOL, COLLECTED!

FLIRT!

STOP TELLING EVERYONE YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ON SATURDAY, I MEAN, WHENEVER!

DO NOT BINGE EAT!

DON’T GET BITTER, GET BETTER!

TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! REMEMBER THEM? THEY’RE THE ONES YOU’VE BEEN PUSHING TO THE WAYSIDE WHILE YOU WERE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! DON’T WORRY, I’M SURE THEY’LL BE HAPPY TO CONSOLE YOU- ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE A TRUE FRIEND, WHO’S GONE THROUGH IT TOO!

KEEP SHAVING YOUR LEGS! THIS ISN’T THE TIME TO BECOME A DIRTY HIPPY!

STAY POSITIVE! I ALREADY SAID THAT!

GO TO THE GYM AND RUN AT LEAST 3 MILES- EVERYDAY!

WHEN RUNNING, WEAR 3 SPORTS BRAS! DON’T LET THOSE TITS SAG GIRLIES! YOU’RE SINGLE NOW- WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES!

WAX THAT VADGE! NOT FULLY, FALL IS UPON US. JUST KEEP IT TIDY. HOW ABOUT: RETRO ON TOP. A NEAT AND KEMPT TRIANGLE. (NO LANDING STRIP BULLSHIT!)- AND SLICK LIKE A BABY ON THE BOTTOM! YOU’RE WELCOME!

GO TO THE OLYMPIC SPA, OR ANY SPA WHERE YOU CAN STEAM AND SAUNA!

WEAR FACIAL MASKS! (NOT OUT IN PUBLIC, YOU’RE NOT A MIME!)

TAKE YOURSELF OUT TO DINNER IN LAUREL CANYON!

GO TO THE CANYON COUNTRY STORE, GET A LATTE, AND SIT OUTSIDE!

BURN SAGE- IN YOUR HOME AND IN YOUR CAR!

WATCH REALLY BAD/GREAT TV! I LOVE: THE RACHEL ZOE PROJECT, CONAN O’BRIEN, FLIPPING OUT, TALK SOUP, PROJECT RUNWAY, OLD SCHOOL BH 90210, AND REAL HOUSEWIVES…OF ANYWHERE!

DON’T GET DRUNK! THE ALCOHAL WILL BLOAT YOU AND IS A DEPRESSANT! WE’RE TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD HERE, REMEMBER?!

SINCE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE, CUZ YOU JUST GOT OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, USE YOUR ALOOF NATURE TO REEL IN THE BABES- TAKE THEIR NUMBER; AND WHEN YOU’RE READY, YOU’LL CALL.

GO ON HIKES.

BUY CONDOMS! AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO TELL THE FIRST NEW GUY YOU SLEEP WITH THAT HE NEEDS TO GET TESTED BEFORE YOU DO IT. IT’S THE TIMES WE LIVE IN. IT JUST IS! YOU HAVE TO DO IT TOO THOUGH, AND THEN YOU TWO CAN SWAP RESULTS! 2009=SEXXXXXY TIMES! RIIIIIGHT?! WHEEEEEE!

FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT IN A DUDE!

FIGURE OUT WHAT PROBLEMS YOU HAVE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON!

TAKE BUBBLE/EPSOM SALT BATHS!

FOCUS ON WORK!

REMEMBER, YOU WANTED TO BREAK UP! TRUST THAT THIS DECISION IS FOR THE BEST.

HAVE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS IT WILL BRING.

MAKE YOUR HOUSE NICE! OH NO, IKEA COULD DRUDGE UP SAD EX BF MEMORIES! WALK THROUGH IT MY SISTER! BE BRAVE BITCH!

PAY YOUR RENT!

INVITE YOUR FRIENDS AND INTERNS OVER!

MEET NEW PEOPLE!

JUMP ON THE BACK OF A CUTE GUYS VESPA!

DON’T DO DRUGS! NO REALLY, DON’T.

STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX! WISH HIM WELL, AND THINK GOOD THOUGHTS! JUST BECAUSE IT DIDN’T WORK OUT, DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO HATE EACHOTHER!

WATCH: SEX AND THE CITY (EPISODES & OR THE MOVIE)/MOONSTRUCK/VALLEY GIRL/DAZED AND CONFUSED.

GO HORSEBACK RDING!

TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!

DON’T SMOKE. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY HE DUMPED YOU!

MASTURBATE TOO MUCH! FANTASIZE ABOUT YOUR CAREER TAKING OFF, YOU’RE DREAMS COMING TRUE, OR JUST YOUR DREAM DUDE IN GENERAL!

START USING THE WORD ‘HUNK’. EXAMPLE: ‘THAT GUY’S A HUNK!’ GOING TOO FAR WOULD BE: ‘THAT HUNK’S A HUNK!’ EDIT YOURSELF.

DON’T EDIT YOURSELF. UNLESS YOU’RE SUPER BORING, AND LIKE TO TALK A LOT. THEN SOME INTERNAL EDITING MIGHT BE HELPFUL IN MAKING YOU MORE LIKABLE.

READ IMBOYCRAZY.COM – THAT BITCH IS FUCKED UP!

i love you! xoxo

http://dl.getdropbox.com/u/55841/02%20Boy%20Crazy.mp3

speechless:

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i kinda don’t know what to write. me. i can usually rant about anything. but I’m shocked. i was dating someone for about a year and two months, someone who mattered to me. it wasn’t a perfect fit (even though he loved me and i loved him) and so we decided to stop seeing eachother. his behavior pushed me away, and my behavior DEFINITLY pushed him away. i take responsibility. i had a feeling we were gonna break up. it was looming, but for some reason, i didn’t think it was gonna end over the phone while he was in Santa Monica and i was in Hollywood. he didn’t want to see me in person.

it’s been a couple of days now. we still haven’t seen eachother. after a year and two months, i think ending it face to face would have been the decent thing to do. i know this is hard for both of us, but i would have preferred a proper goodbye;  looking eachother in the eyes, recognizing the fact that we mattered to one another, that this wasn’t a dream, and that our relationship really happened. but, he refused and snapped at me when i brought this up. it’s fine. it has to be, he won’t budge. at least it gives me more evidence of why we shouldn’t be together.

i wish you well Mr. i learned a lot.  tell your family i love them, even if that last bit of advice from your mom was bad. i just wanted some respect- a dignified goodbye/parting of ways. I’m gonna assume you shut down because you don’t know how to deal with the emotions you’re having. this is a bummer, but i AM glad we met. i wish you well, and I’m a better person because of the time we spent together. xo, me

update: he came over today. we said goodbye face to face, had a chat, and i think we’re actually gonna be friends. he’s a great guy. and i totally don’t hate him. xo

help wanted:

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if anyone out there actually reads this blog, likes it, or maybe even LOVES it and wants to be part of something they appreciate-where they could learn and be inspired…. i’m looking for interns to help build and grow imboycrazy.com:

various positions/working as little as one day a week is fine:

• i need street teamers to put up stickers and hand out buttons EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE to EVERYONE. at clubs, on the street. in the valley, downtown, hollywood, wherevs!

• i need help with e-mails, and managing all the social networking sites that exist for imboycrazy.

• various errands, listening to me rant, getting me coffee, and getting excited about stupid  awesome shit.

• and if nothing else- tell at least one person you know about imboycrazy.com, and you will have done enough!

if interested in any of the above, please contact me @ [email protected]

thanks for helping spread the word about imboycrazy.com

i love you and look forward to hearing from you.

update: just to be clear-

•if you don’t live in hollywood, but you wanna help out – that’s great!

just e-mail me your mailing address to [email protected]

and i’ll send you buttons and stickers WHEREVER you are in the world! just PROMISE you won’t throw them in the garbage and that you’ll put them up everywhere!

•if you DO live in or around hollywood AND want to work on marketing, street teaming, branding, e-mailing, throwing parties, silk screening totes/t shirts, or whatever you think you can bring to the table as far as expanding imboycrazy and getting the word out so people read it- e-mail me! include your name, area you live in, phone #, what you think you’d be good at, what you’d be happy doing/learning about/ and taking part in! xoxoxo

the blind leading the blind – part 18:

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1. don’t write ‘xo’ unless you mean ‘xo’!

2. hey, do yourself a favor and DON’T buy toilet paper in public! What the fuck are you trying to prove here?! do i need to hold your hand as you walk through life with your head up your ass? because, i won’t do it! i just won’t.

3. a trough of salad is still a trough. And pigs feed at a trough.

4. if something /ANYTHING resembling cottage cheese is pouring out of your vadge hole OR dick hole- it’s time to start considering wearing looser pants, having PROTECTED sex, and/or going to the fucking doctor! you oozing monster privates! Jesus!

5. eating in your car while it’s parked in the trader joes/whole foods parking lot is N0T pathetic. It’s what I call, keeping it casual.

6. if a dude walks out on you when you’re newly  preggers- he’s either a total piece of shit OR you’re a rotten jerk. Either way, someone has a lot of inner work to do. Good luck… to the BABY!

7. i don’t care if you’re a Buddhist wearing a robe- if you pull into the parking space next to me, open your door, and ding my car WHILE I’m SITTING in it- I’m gonna call you out!

8. don’t be dull.

9. when you’re sleeping, if you turn over and reposition your head on the pillow- your dream will change direction too.

10. words are JUST words and people fake smiles all the time! just like YOU think one thing and say another, so does everybody else. don’t believe/buy into everything at face value. If you believe all the GOOD stuff, you’ll have to believe all the BAD stuff. try to remain grounded, solid, and secure in your skin. and don’t give others the power to change your mood.

racism sux – part 2:

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i wondered how young black dudes and dudettes felt about being a twenty something nowadays and dealing with racial tension, especially in the indie/American apparel/hipster social scene. black girls who like white dudes, white girls who like black dudes. what are the underlined feelings and issues that arise? when will this heavy feeling go away? and how come someone can refer to me as ‘white’ and it’s no big deal, but if you refer to someone as ‘black’, you take the chance of them being offended? why is that taken in a negative way? the worst part about it, is that it’s a case by case scenario. so, since there are no rules, you never know who you’re going to offend.

my heritage is Russian and German. but i was born in America. but you don’t refer to me as ‘Russian american’. so, why do we have to say ‘african american’? i was told it’s because all black people originate from Africa and that they didn’t leave because they wanted to- that they were taken as slaves and by calling them ‘African american’ it acknowledges this. it’s a matter of respect. but how politically correct do we need to be nowadays? what’s the general consensus? teach me what i should do. none of this is written in a hateful way. all of this is meant in a loving, trying to figure it all out kinda way.

and ‘white’ people have to stop being afraid to use the word ‘black’. do you, or anyone you know, ever do that avoidance dance by saying ANYTHING else they can to describe what someone looks like, without saying the word ‘black’? and when they finally DO (because ‘black’ is the ONLY descriptive word left that can be used in a situation because there happen to be two dudes who are tall, wearing a blue sweater, jeans, and are brunette at the party) they say ‘(full voice) he’s the (whisper) ‘black’ (full voice again) guy.’ this has got to stop! I’m sorry, i don’t have any negative connotation with the word black, and i don’t have any negative connotation with the word white. they are just descriptive terms. how i JUDGE people is by their actions, personality, and attitude towards me. this is on a person to person basis.

here’s an e-mail from a black girl who reads my blog. i told her i wanted to write a piece on contemporary racism and reverse racism that exists in indie culture between young people nowadays. it’s epic and says it all:

“Actually I think if you wrote about racism as honestly as you possibly could that would be fantastic, especially since it is still unfortunately prominent today. For me and my sister it kinda blows because my mom has always taught us just to like, be carefree and love who you want and all that and try to treat everyone the way you want to be treated and whatever zen mantra you could think of, mind you my mom had me at a young age and was a total club kid so we were raised a bit differently which I am so thankful for!!!

Alot of young black kids are all about thug life and that’s fine, but not all black people are like that! I feel like I am constantly judged by white people AND black people and it truly pisses me off and here is why: I get judged by older white people, which isn’t right but understandable because they grew up in the fifties or whatever and their moms and dads were racists, so I get it- but it makes me sad. I think I am pretty awesome and for Christ’s sake I’m not going to rob anyone so don’t look all weird at me when you see me. Also, the black people have an issue with me because they say i ‘sound white’ and the clothing i wear and the music i like. they don’t understand- so they think I’m white. i mean, my grandparents and aunts even say ‘oh, she’s kinda different’ and they are my own fucking family!! Are you serious!? My sister is the same way, but she is more of a tomboy, she into like, i dunno death metal (whatever, it’s her world) but we share the same issues as a whole.

I have a lot of white girlfriends and alot of black girlfriends, but they don’t hang out together. it’s like I have to like jay-z with one group and Uffie with the other group, soooo annoying! So I end up hanging out by myself. That can be dangerous in a good or bad way. But, while I’m on the topic, me being black sometimes gets in the way of trying to find a new mate. like I said, the boys on your site are what I’m into- but I like all guys; black, white, Spanish, Italian, whatevs. It’s just hard because if I see a guy I like, my first thought is ‘oh boy, is he even down with the ‘ebony persuasion’ or am I wasting my time?’ The first white guy I dated, I was head over heels for. he was very intriguing and was in a band and just like sooo gorge! Super pale skin tone reddish brownish hair and a lot of tattoos and he was so sweet to me and I was super into him. He introduced me to his friends and at first they were sweet to my face but I could tell they were giving him a look like ‘is she Spanish or is she black or what?’ His brother also felt compelled to listen to rap or r&b around me, which wasn’t bad, but it felt forced- like that’s all we could relate to or that’s all I listened to or something, which was very weird because he knew I liked a lot of other things.

Eventually me and the hot redhead just remained friends, but it sucks that it’s hard for a girl like me to find a guy like me and not have race be an issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m black. I’m proud of it! but damn! I am sure I’d have to work twice as hard to get the guys you interview (other than Rickey Kim) because of my skin tone. I’m 5’8 and I weigh 120lbs, so I know it’s not because I’m a fat ass and I haven’t been beaten with an ugly stick (at least I think not) so what the fuck?! Okay wow this email got very long winded but um if you want me to elaborate more or if you have a specific question about this topic or anything else feel free to ask! I have a terribly bad habit of rambling… Keep up the great work!!

ps: I just wanted to say that tonight I went out with my white friends and the white guy I liked- my white friend got with!! He looked at me and realized I wasn’t spanish and totally blew me off!! Put that as an example is your race post!!! I have a case of the sads!!! Sorry alexi for emailing you wayy late, just wanted to let you know.”

racism sux:

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hi. my name is Alexi Wasser. i don’t know if you know this, but i am white. i’m practically see through. I’m not a ghost haunting you, or following you down the street. I’m just a person. a really pale person. Conan O’Brien could be my father. I’d prefer it if he was my husband, but he’s married and my crush on him is another post all together. the other day, while i was walking around my neighborhood, i stopped in a shop and happened to know the guy who worked there. he was not white, he was not black, he was not Asian. he was something else. I’m not sure what his ethnicity was exactly, so i won’t try to label him. he was a babe, but so far, that’s not ethnicity exclusive. he was talking to an Asian guy. a video of two dudes wrestling or skate boarding or something played on the TV screen, mounted to the wall above us. the shop dude wanted to show me a vimeo video on his laptop.

while i was watching the video, a black dude walked in. the black dude asked the shop dude who the guy on the TV screen was. the shop dude replied “i don’t know. some Asian dude.” he said this in a completely non sarcastic, straightforward way. and even though i was watching the vimeo, because I’m not deaf, i shivered. this could go either way. the shop dude had set up a perfect scenario for someone to be offended. isn’t there a difference between using the words Asian, white, black, Latino, etc to describe what someone looks like in a crowd- and using them in a racist manner? this was no time for logic. i was already feeling guilty and i hadn’t done anything wrong. I’m not even sure if the shop guy had done anything wrong. all i know is that by describing someone by their ethnicity alone, he was setting himself up for trouble.

i was right. the black dude said “oh, he’s an Asian dude?” he lifted the Asian dudes shirt up and said “Is that you? you’re Asian. you must be the same guy on the TV screen. he’s just some Asian dude.” holy shit. the shop guy had triggered some gnarly shit that was weighing quite heavily in the black dudes soul and because of all my white guilt, i wanted to hug the black guy and say “I’m so sorry. he didn’t mean it. i love black people. people are not ONLY their race. duh?! I’m sure the shop guy didn’t mean any harm!” but i didn’t. i tried to mind my own business. this wasn’t about me. this was about the black dude and shop dude. but mainly the black dude was projecting all his internal issues with a group of three young people in a shop that hadn’t done anything wrong.. really.

well, at least i tried to mind my own business – that is, until the black dude pointed at his white gf/wife whatever she was, who was at the other end of the store shopping with their kids, looked at me and shouted “Are you two related?!” i was shocked. wtf? i was watching a fucking vimeo. i looked up, looked the black dude in the eye, and looked at his white gf/wife and said “huh?” he repeated himself “i said, are you related to her? you two look the same!” i stood there, dumbfounded. my worst nightmare was coming true. i was straight up being accused of being racist. and i hadn’t even said anything remotely stupid and cavalier like the shop dude had. how did i get dragged into this? i should have just laughed, but my white guilt and need to be liked took over. so instead, i said “are you asking me if we’re related because we’re both white?” the black guy nodded. that’s when i knew i should/could have taken the high road and been an adult. but I’m Alexi, i don’t know how to do that most of the time… unless I’m being paid. than i can be totally logical and rational. at a crossroads of ways to respond, i finally picked a road and shouted “i am NOT racist! i’m not racist! what did i do? what did i do?” it was like bad middle school theatre.

the black dude yelled to everyone in the store (including his family, which i thought was super inapro-pro) “i guess all all mother-fuckin’ ni**ers look the same! fuckin’ bullshit!” holy shit! he said the ‘n’ word. hard ‘r’ and everything. i was shocked. i couldn’t handle it. i told the shop dude goodbye and left immediately. for some reason, i still had the urge to win over this crazy dude- but i kept walking and blew off some steam at urban outfitters.

what was i feeling? a multitude of things. i realized, i live my life constantly worried that black people think i’m racist. and this day made me confront that. i suffer from reverse racism. i can walk down the street and not smile at a single white, Asian, Latino person that crosses my path, but the minute i see a black person, i feel the need to exude warmth and smile so they know that i am NOT  racist. why do i do this? I’m pretty sure it’s because my dad is 22% racist. not in an ‘i want to kill black people/ ku-klux- klan’ kinda way, just the occasional insulting joke. which to me is pretty fucking fucked up enough. i also always got the impression that he wouldn’t want me to date or marry a black dude. i had black friends growing up and he had friendships with black people and has taken amazing photos of Martin Luther king, etc. but, it was just this underlined ‘thing’ i felt was being taught and instilled in me. it didn’t stick and, instead, it made me not like my dad. which makes me sad. his behavior made me not like him. i don’t speak to my dad anymore, for a number of reasons. he made gay jokes too, just as much as he made comments about black people and cultural stereotypes.

all that aside- now, i have this whole reverse racism thing happening, and i’d like to find a happy medium and lose the guilt. once i even paid a house cleaner (who just happened to be black), even though she didn’t do a goddamn thing and I caught her sitting on my futon eating chips, watching TV when I got home. And not only did I pay her, I over tipped the shit out of her. That is an example of white guilt. how does this help ANYONE?  i am not racist. i like people. if you are nice to me and we get along, great. if we don’t, we don’t. it isn’t based on what your skin color is. I’ve been talking to a lot of my black friends (yeah i have black friends), and we’ve been discussing the struggles of racism that exist even now in 2009- and more specifically the problems that arise in this bizarro hipster culture that my target demographic exists in. after the shop encounter, one of my white friends said, “earth to Alexi, some black people just don’t like white people.” i was shocked. “what? why? how could they hate ME? what did i do?” i mean, of course i understand why black people would hate white people. i obviously understand that, which is why i feel so guilty and am so eager to please.

other things I’d like to get off my chest and get over- which stem from my being super white, is that i feel embarrassed listening to Lil Wayne in my car with the windows rolled down, because i think it just looks too retarded. but that’s a whole other post. i don’t think of Lil Wayne as ‘black music’ exclusively for black people. i listen to jazz and oldies and Motown and can have the windows down. i think the lil Wayne thing just has to do with the lifestyle he paints and how everything i look like, down to the car i drive has no place in that life style. i drive a scion, have a leggo haircut, and am so white i could be dead. me listening to gangsta rap looks ridiculous. i hope we can all agree on that. i will forever remain the white dude from office space when it comes to listening to rap. but i love Lil Wayne. he’s such a great lyricist…. and his voice makes me wanna sexxx. (to be continued)

My favorite Inglourious Basterd: OMAR DOOM!

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Ever heard of the phrase: jack of all trades, master of none? well that motto does NOT apply here! Meet Omar Doom! Jack of all trades and MASTER of all those trades! Yeah! Pow! Boom! he’s an actor, musician, painter, AND my new friend!

Omar is ALSO my FAVORITE bastard in the new Quentin Tarantino film: Inglourious Basterds’! run, don’t walk, to your local theatre cuz IT OPENS TONIGHT at midnight (and OFFICIALLY on friday). what’re you living under a rock or something?! get with the program!

ONLY see this film if you like stuff that’s great AND riveting. But if you see the movie, tell people what happens, and spoil the story- you’re dead to me! DEAD TO ME! that’s a promise! Who does that? Only ‘people hating’ people! That’s who! I WILL tell you this, Omar is AMAZERS! Not to mention- a hot fox, with beautiful lips, dark hair, and overall movie star quality/sexy vampire good looks!

trying to conduct this interview got a little difficult. first of all, the location we chose on Mulholland drive (famous for it’s beautiful view and romantic charm) was bombarded with super loud tourists! PLUS, sound wise, the wind didn’t help either! we ended up on the run from random sightseeing tour buses, in search of the perfect spot. did we ever find it? who knows, who cares- i was with OMAR! Watch as i invade his personal space while he tells me what goes on in and around his soul, what courses through his brain/veins, and if he thinks I’m pretty. you’re next Quentin. xo

PS: here’s omar’s favorite boycrazy blog post!

OMAR DOOM aka: MY FAVE INGLOURIOUS BASTERD! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.



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