valentine’s wishes and birthday fantasies:
If i had birthdays, which i don’t, but let’s face it-i DO: it would be next week on Wednesday February 11. my birthday is tricky because it’s super crazy close to valentine’s day. so this can be stressful, IF I’m even dating a guy around this time. so to make things easy for the lucky dude who ends up inside me on one or both of those days, let me break it down.
MY IDEAL BEST BIRTHDAY/VALENTINE’S DAY/WEEK EVER!:
General goal for everyday this week- I wake up well rested, with no crazy grand expectations and in the best mood ever. I put on a super casual, but very nice, brand new outfit and black thin strap havianas (it’s ok for girls to wear flip flops). i go on a long walk, have lunch at m cafe, dinner at m cafe, do karaoke (this might be too hectic though), have sex 4 to 6 times a day. Oral sex and an orgasm count if the dude is only able to fuck me 3 times. But I will need full penetration at LEAST three times.
A movie or two at the arclight. (all of this is paid for by the dude, with absolutely no complaints…ok, he can be silly about my financial expectations of him. as long as we’re cuddling, kissing in public, holding hands etc.)
I’d like to have a general childlike glee the ENTIRE week. even if the said dude is working during the day, I’d still like to cuddle and wrestle. lots of tickling, laughing (natural- NOT forced) and maybe walk around holding hands to whole foods at night. or at least wrestling and laughing while having intimate chats about life, friends, and whatever is in each other’s head! i love talking, a lot of men don’t. during MY week, I’d like the talky side of the dude to be shown! it’s in there! let it out! you’ll feel better.
so, again, just to make it simple:
Wednesday night-dinner at m AND movie.
Friday night: dinner at m cafe, we can play scrabble if you want to.(oh whoops, if you’re working-scrabble at m can be moved to Saturday).i WILL eat desserts on this scrabble sesh night. ONLY desserts from m, cuz they’re vegan and it’s valentines. however, let’s both not eat too much, cuz i don’t want the possibility of candlelit sex with music on in the background to be ruined.
please make sure your place is not a cesspool. i am a woman. i am sexy. i wanna give and get head. don’t ruin my week. please pretend you like giving head as much as i like giving it AND getting it. personally, i think it’s unfair to only go down on a girl via 69. it makes you seem selfish. I’m NOT ruling out the 69, i love it. i just want you to go down on me the old fashioned way too! and with me above you, as this is an awesome arm workout for me. and then, we’ll totally get to the 69. after all, let’s face it, I’m a dirty bitch. who said that? not me. yes,ok,it was me. what?!
i also love white roses, red roses, tulips. use your imagination, but don’t get me anything but what i just mentioned. no chocolates. trying to get me fat and upset my stomach will not make me love you. on Saturday and Sunday, a bike ride could be fun. and a walk to 3rd st promenade holding hands, arms intertwined, chasing each other, laughing, smiling really big! again, very kid like and childhood’esque. oh yeah, make sure your car isn’t all sticky and sandy and gross. if it’s as spotless as your house SHOULD be, we can have sex in your car too. i bought a lot of sexy lingerie. garters, black lace, peach lace. I’m gonna be set and sexy. so don’t fuck this up. it wouldn’t kill you to wear a slick outfit either(adios sweatshirts).and please bathe, cuz it’s gonna get nasty.
also, validate my neurosis in case i happen to feel weak that day. reassure me. love me. let me know what you THINK i know. cuz i probably don’t! I’m a messed up woman. why the fuck do you think i have a blog called “imboycrazy”? i have daddy issues (me and a million other girls)BOO HOO ME! WAHHH! BARF! BUT, this doesn’t mean these issues don’t affect me. but ultimately, I’m VERY happy!! again, DON’T fuck that up for me. did i mention this is my week? cuz it is.
so, yeah, like i said, a walk around 3rd st promenade? Coffee at Starbucks like 3 times! some serious movies. some light movies, just to be casual- i.e. “He’s just not that into u” and some others. Maybe a scary movie. “shopaholic” on valentines day? isla fisher is very likable. so there you go. are you as excited as i am? xo
boycrazy at family PART 2:
I call these dudes “the thinkers”, cuz they’re all ‘thinky’ and stuff. see for yourself.
THE THINKER: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
the first boy is danny. he’s adorable, stylish, thinks deeply, and look at his hair! a treasure.
THE THINKER 2: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
i never did catch this second dude’s name. and i think that was fine with him. did i try to delve to deep? well, i’m just happy he said yes to an interview and was wearing salmon colored plaid. xo
boycrazy at family part 1:
So, it was Saturday. i had a long chat with a girlfriend about my life and my feelings and all that, went to trader joes and then i was at a standstill. how was i gonna spend the rest of my Saturday? there were so many possibilities! the weather was nice enough to go on a walk, but i had this overwhelming urge to stalk my friend NATE, who works at FAMILY- a totally hip store on Fairfax where cute dudes often hang out! so that’s what i did! i hung out there ALL FUCKING DAY! at one point, i remember saying “whew, I’m all tuckered out, mind if i use your chair?” and i sat behind NATE while he rung people up. i greeted people like a champ when they walked in. and when i saw a cute boy, i quickly gave him a sticker and asked to take him in the back room to do a quick video sesh. this entire week is dedicated/reserved for all the dudes i picked up,trolled, scoped, caught, met (whatever you wanna call it) at FAMILY….all on one glorious Saturday.
boycrazy at family – the bad boy: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
i call this dude “the bad boy.” cuz he seems kinda aggro in the sexiest “I’m gonna fuck you in a broom closet at the mall.” kinda way. he probably hates malls. who knows? who cares? he’s a babe! just watch the video….and the many more to come…ALL THIS WEEK! xo
the doctor said so:
Before i launch into my story:
tonight, Jan 30 2009 @ Space 1520 from 7-10PM
TV Books Gallery Closing Reception Party with live performances by Abe Vigoda, The Goat and Mikki + the Mauses.
TV Books Gallery Closing Reception Party with live performances by Abe Vigoda, The Goat and Mikki + the Mauses.
PLUS: the 2nd issue of ‘light on a sidewalk’- by mike piscitelli
(if you were at the OPENING for tv books & had your portrait taken, you’re probably in it!)
Space 15 Twenty:
1520 N. Cahuenga Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028
1520 N. Cahuenga Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028
————————————————
they had the purse i wanted…. BUT GET THIS…Chanel changed the look of the gold, and now GOLD hardware practically looks SILVER! harsh tokes. whatevs. when i got back to my car, i had a parking ticket for $45. so i left it on bijan’s windshield, got a Starbucks, and drove to Los Feliz where i belonged.
I love my doctor, but every once and a while she tells me about something i wasn’t asking about and don’t really think i need. today it was a laser facial procedure called q-tera or something. it’s amazing how responsive the brain is to suggestion. i said ‘thanks for the info, and if i decide to do it, i know who to call.’ and now, hours later, I’m writing to you about it. she really hammered it in with the sentence “i swear to god Alexi, if you start in your twenties, you’ll never have to go under the knife.” wow. and you know what? she’s probably right. RUN, DO NOT WALK, TO THE TELEPHONE AND MAKE A GODDAMN APPOINTMENT WITH THE BEST DERMATOLOGIST IN TOWN!
between you and me, i already get the aurora laser skin therapy once a month. and it’s awesome. i use retin a, and moisturize with the most expensive anti aging creams from kiehls. it’s better to be safe than sorry. and it’s only a little more expensive than gold! but, like I’ve said before: you are worth it!
s and walk into Chanel saying loudly (someones yellow Ferrari is being towed outside!” sales people FREAKED out! uttering cries of “no! oh no! that’s bijans car! what should we do??? someone, call bijan!!” my work was done.
afterwords, i went to Chanel (i mean, i was already in beverly hills-why not?) to see if they had the jumbo/black/classic/lambskin purse with gold hardware. as i walked in, i passed a super tacky, albeit
uuber expensive yellow Ferrari parked outside. i don’t know why this upset me enough to roll my eyes and walk into Chanel saying loudly (someones yellow Ferrari is being towed outside!” sales people FREAKED out! uttering cries of “no! oh no! that’s bijans car! what should we do??? someone, call bijan!!” my work was done.
they had the purse i wanted…. BUT GET THIS…Chanel changed the look of the gold, and now GOLD hardware practically looks SILVER! harsh tokes. whatevs. when i got back to my car, i had a parking ticket for $45. so i left it on bijan’s windshield, got a Starbucks, and drove to Los Feliz where i belonged.
what dudes hate AND love about girls:
Like a cherub sent from heaven, in the nick of time, to provide me with a blog post for today……….THERE WAS ED! after a long day doing a photo shoot for my facebook default pic, i met up with Brooke at m cafe (because it’s the place to be, we’re not savages and we have good taste) for an hours long girly chat about everything and nothing. it was great, no joke, the gossip was amazing! but, always in the back of my mind was the nagging fact that I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO POST TODAY! but god works in mysterious ways (why am i making so many god references in this entry? I’m not religious! oh well, who cares?)….and in walked a leather clad, haphazardly put together (in an ‘on purpose’ kind of way), shaggy haired guy I’d never laid eyes on: ED!
It gets BETTER: he WASN’T American! yes, i admit it! just like everyone else American, i too am fooled by an English accent! he instantly became more interesting, worthwhile, attractive and intelligent because of it. was i born this stupid or did i acquire these illogical ideas over the years? don’t answer that. and I’m not sure if it was because i’m white, a girl, not super ugly, OR because we have the same taste in restaurants- but Ed was SUPER forthcoming with his answer! i really appreciate it when a complete stranger answers my annoying questions in the most honest way they can…..so thank you Ed. maybe we’ll all learn something or at least feel less alone. good morning.
Ed: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
dude of the day!!!!!
oh look! the lil cub has emerged from dream land! How nice. Last night, he wore himself out licking some babes areolas, caressing her bum, kissing her neck and taking his time sucking on her lower lip. Look at those tats (oh wait, you can’t see what i saw), those lips, that full head of hair! This dude’s never going bald! He looks sooooo Italian. Like if Robert Deniro and AL Pacino had a love child! Hollah! Why are mafioso movies so sexy? It’s like, this dude would show you how good he is at giving head, totally blow your mind, then blow your brains out! saying “arreviderchi” right before he sends you off to swim with the fishes! Mamma mia! Italian dudes are studs!
identity check:
If you don’t have a sense of identity, DON’T worry about it! ALL you have to do is start dating as many guys as you can: all at once, or one after the other- your pick! and when they tell you about the stuff that they like:i.e. morrissey, cass mccombs, aphex twin, insert totally unknown or obscure band here- just pay attention! Listen for once in your goddamn life and take mental notes. Watch each and every one of your dudes when they hang out with their other male dude friends- and stash any good stories,jokes,man talk,bro sesh anecdotes,dude-isms,pop culture references in the pocket of your minds eye! Cuz when you break up with that guy, that bevy of newfound knowledge is in your ”attracting the next dude-arsenal”! It’s like we’re playing Zelda! Or super mario bros! Or better yet- d and d! Work it bitches! And NEVER EVER give credit to the previous dude! He’ll never know!!! This is called the college of life. Xo
self conscious sex:
What happened last night? I’ll tell you what happened! Last night, you got banged by some dude and you were totally boring in bed! I’m soooo disappointed in you! The only excuse for submissive sex is if you’re being raped! Otherwise, it is NOT an option! Plus, guys talk too you know, and you don’t wanna get a rep for being a lame dud in the sack! Do you?? Now’s not the time to worry about whether or not your bangs are perfectly straight. Now’s the time to get nasty! I’m not saying that you should let him stick it in your bum, cuz I actually DON’T advocate that. I’m just saying, don’t stop at GETTING fucked. You fuck him right back, you nasty bitch! Make noise if you want to, make whatever face you feel inclined to (shit, I hope it’s not super ugly-oh well, I say take the chance! How ugly could it be? If you’re reading this blog, it means you’re beautiful!) Get on top, on your side, on the bottom,69 (although my best dude friend once told me that 69′ing is the ultimate in intimate cuz it’s pretty much ass on face-yikes! That’s why I always say ‘carry baby wipes’-that way you don’t have to sacrifice in the sack!), get head/give head! Just wait for my mutual masturbation post! It’s gonna be detailed, personal,and RAD! So please! Don’t lay there like a lump! Even if you’re a beautiful lump! That is no excuse to be boring! Cuz if you’re crazy in bed, super nice to look at AND have a great personality……….YOU WIN!
2 things that 1 dude doesn’t like about girls:
2 things 1 dude doesn’t like: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.
ps: hillhurst is a loud street!
pps:
tomorrow night- saturday january 24,2009
opening party: vanessa prager and kathy grayson 7-10pm
ROBERT BERMAN GALLERY
At Bergamot Station Arts Center
2525 Michigan Avenue, C2/D5, Santa Monica, Calif 90404
Tel: C2 310.315.9506 / D5 310.315.1937
Fax: 310.315.9688
www.robertbermangallery.com
At Bergamot Station Arts Center
2525 Michigan Avenue, C2/D5, Santa Monica, Calif 90404
Tel: C2 310.315.9506 / D5 310.315.1937
Fax: 310.315.9688
www.robertbermangallery.com
-
-
Featured Categories
-
Friend Alexi
