i am not hitler:

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the other day someone wrote a comment about my post: sometimes it’s ok to be a loser-

“You never really define what “winning” is; what the go-getter is trying to GET. It’s this horrible Beckett tragedy that you’re stuck in, a delusional bubble of waiting. Is there any point in the future where you will sit down on on an expensive couch and say “GOT IT!” or “WON!”? I mean, what the hell are you talking about? You’re inserting people who mildly annoy you into this hitleresque philosophy. You, of all people, wouldn’t be able to exist if people didn’t wash your dishes and fix your car. And instead of respecting the work they do, you see it as failure creating vacant space for your flimsy success.”

thank you so much. after reading this… it made me look at myself and ask if i’m ever really happy; if i could stop my continuous ‘want’ and ‘work mode’ and actually enjoy everything i have. my work, writing, my apt, my friends, my body, the people i love. and that’s when i realized: i am truly happy. i can look at myself in the mirror and say ‘i’m proud of myself’. i’m happy. nothing is REALLY wrong in my life. and once i acknowledged that, i quickly moved onto the next task at hand.. which was my daily process of checking off to do’s on a list… a list that will probably never end, because there is sooo much to do. a list that is constantly refilled. you see, the post i wrote wasn’t about hating people who do menial labor, or winning, or not respecting people who don’t share the same goals that i do- not at all. the post was a wake up call to people who have absolutely NO idea what they want to do with their lives and to people who do NOTHING instead of trying… anything! people who don’t take the time to stop partying and sleeping in till 2pm to figure out what they COULD be… what contribution they could make to the world. people who are too lazy, or too high to try being someone that they’re too afraid to be; someone they think they could never be- and so they don’t even try.

i don’t look at a bag boy at the grocery store and want to spit on him or punch him in the face…. i just hope he’s passionate about something in his life. for all i know, he’s the happiest bag boy ever- taking pride in bagging those groceries! as long as he’s happy and trying to be the best person he can be, that’s AWESOME! the post was MORE about telling people who try to CHANGE people who don’t want to be changed…to cut it the fuck out. unfortunately i’m not following my own advice… because i was trying to be inspiring by telling people to get off their fucking asses and when that doesn’t happen… telling the friend who’s trying to help them off their ass to stop WAITING and wasting THEIR time.. and move on, so that they can continue ‘doing’. whatever it is they ‘do’. the point is, go get whatever you want, as long as you’re being a go-getter.

it’s not about ‘waiting’, it’s about doing. i’m NOT waiting for anything. i’m doing. you can’t wait for your life to happen, for dreams to come true… you have to be pro-active. you’re the only one living your life, so don’t let people who stand still 24/7 hold you back and weigh you down. that’s why like minded people flock together: the do-ers and the lazy-mongers! and i’m not saying the do-ers cant go to bars and dance and be lazy sometimes and have fun too – when did i say that? i didn’t! if that makes me sound like hitler… well, i have no witty retort.. because i don’t want to be referred to as hitler in any way shape or form, cuz hitler was a bad dude. feel free to compare me to the dude from bravo’s hit television show ‘flipping out’ cuz he’s crazy… but he gets shit done, he does it REALLY well, and i love him.

my mom was a waitress, a single mom, worked her ass off to take care of me, AND was pursuing her creative passion at the same time! …. meanwhile her long-haired boyfriend’s (where my girls at?! you know what i’m talking about- those long-hairs will seduce us EVERYTIME!) asked her for money, while they smoked pot on the couch. these ‘long haired dudes’  are what i mean when i use the word ‘loser’. my mom, ‘the waitress’, (who, btw, broke up with said ‘losers’ the SECOND they held out one lazy grubby hand asking for cash AND told them to fuck off ) is a go getting, hard working, inspiration! so don’t you fucking dare tell me i look down on people who wash the dishes and fix my car. cuz i’ll look down on the rich asshole who has no sense of direction and the world at his feet before i would EVER disrespect a bus boy, waitress, dude who works at McDonald’s, or mechanic.

BUT, thank you for your inspired, heated comment. it helped me take the time to check in with myself- to see if i’ve ‘won’ (whatever winning is), or ‘got it’ (whatever ‘it’ is). i can breathe (for a second) and actually value my life.  THAT DOESN’T MEAN I’M GONNA GET LAZY, but it’s nice to know i’m happy so i can carry that around in my pocket with me while i try to accomplish more of my list. (what’s on it is between me and my list.. but it’s totally not flimsy.) i hope you guys are happy too.  if not, we’ll work on it together. i promise. i love you. xo

ps: nyc prep is SO TOTALLY the new WAY better HILLS! i’m starting to kinda like jessie. i respect her work ethic and her protective nature towards pc (who is SUCH a babe! i can’t wait for him to come out!) i just think jessie needs to be less angry. i wonder if she would like me. i’m guessing no. probably cuz i’m an outsider. her loss. i hope pc and the dancer girl with the speech impediment become best friends. she’s so supportive of his rumored bisexuality! she needs to start speaking with more force though! her low talking ways and nervous laughter after every sentence make me anxious. xo

open letter:

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hey, monster face: JUST brushing your teeth is NOT enough. how about you stop picking at your face? shave your legs while your at it too! and don’t put me off my food, please! It’s bad enough homeless people wander by/walk past while I’m eating, OR a baby cries, OR I can see the colostomy bag hanging to the side of a handicapped dudes wheel chair while I eat: NOW I have to look at YOUR previously puss filled zit, turned oozing open gash sore on your face, cuz you popped it and tried to core/scoop out a chunk of your face last night? have some self control! oh gross! now it’s all crusted over! yuck! you are sick! I paid good money for my food, jerk!

Fyi: people can see you. you are not invisible. Just because you have low self esteem and you think no one cares, although you’re right about the not caring part- they CAN see you and are affected. AND it’s a bummer. you’re totally not helping lift world spirit! And if you’re not with us, you’re against us.

Do your part to breathe HOPE into the world, EVEN if it’s ONLY aesthetically. think of yourself as a Christmas tree or a prostitute. Either/or and decorate yourself accordingly so you look SOMEWHAT presentable. Thanks. Xo

the blind leading the blind part 15:

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1. just because someone requests your friendship on facebook doesn’t mean they’re in love with me….. I mean you.

2. if your scale is dirty from your blackened footprints, for the love of god, scrub it clean before guests come over.

3. stop giving fixed gear bikes so much shit. They didn’t do anything wrong. Not that I have one or anything, cuz I don’t! what? If I did-which I don’t- I totally got it BEFORE they were trendy. And I am NOT, I repeat, NOT a hipster!

4. always wear makeup in public. I heard that prince said this to Carmen Electra a long time ago. If prince said it, it can’t be BAD advice!

5. if you’re NOT wearing any makeup, and you need to go to the supermarket- and it’s kind of a hip and trendy market you shop at- who cares? go inside without make-up. Stop worrying so much. Only you know how truly ugly you could possibly look in that moment.

6. today is the first day of the rest of your life! Get a cork board! Put it up on your bedroom wall! Write down ALL your dreams that you want to come true. Write each goal individually on an index card. Push a pin through each card, so that its hanging from the cork board! Voila: you’re one step closer to your dreams coming true!

7. NEVER double text. It’s makes you look super lame! For serious!

8. love your body.

9. really, you’re gonna eat ALL that pasta? no, go right ahead! that’s cool with me fathead! the bigger you get, the smaller I look!

10. hmmm, am I sounding like a hypocrite? wake the fuck up! Life IS hypocrital. Do the best you can and don’t get so easily offended! Why would you think I’m even talking to/about YOU specifically? why are you making anything i write personal enough to offend you? It’s not all about you! Like when that pussycat dolls song came out; the one that says “don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Well, how do you think I felt? I was a tad offended! I’m not gonna lie. But THEN I realized, it wasn’t about me! And even if it COULD be personalized- why would I place myself on the losing end of being the lamo girlfriend? Life is hypocritical. And it’s all how you look at it.

let me break up with your boyfriend for you:

let me break up with your boyfriend for you: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

alex olson interview part 2:

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so, this half of the interview is my FAVORITE! it’s even MORE fun than yesterdays. there’s nothing more to say…… just watch! xo

alex olson interview part 2: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

alex olson interview part 1:

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this is Alex Olson! Alex is a professional skateboarder. but this isn’t about that. this is about a different side of Alex. the interview is in two parts! part one is us easing into it, and part 2 is more up close and personal- with me behind the camera basically bullying Alex for answers to all my annoying questions.

the dude is totally likable, lovable, and made me tea with cream and sugar when i came over to his house! he wasn’t scary and mean like a lot of boys CAN be when girls jock them. yeah, i said ‘jock’. and I’m not gonna take it back. did i mention that all of his female friends, neighbors, and random girl passers by want to bang the shit out of him? well, i should have, cuz they do! my mom thinks we look like we could be related! and that is nothing to be bummed about! have you seen the dude’s bone structure?! well, you’re about to! he could cut glass with those cheek bones!

throughout the interview, i keep asking to see his stomach. can you blame me? with cheekbones like that, imagine what his abs must look like! whoopsies, sorry. i think i just threw up in my mouth. too many compliments! i gotta stop! i got excited! Alex is a gem, that’s all. but seriously, the dude could be a movie-star! sponsored by vans, and sent DIRECTLY from heaven…… i bring you ALEX OLSON! xo

PS: i can only IMAGINE how much fun his skate friends are gonna make of him when they see this… but don’t worry, i’m coming after them too!

alex olson interview part 1: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

the boy at ikea!!!

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not only is ikea a lifesaver, it’s a life enhancing people connector/amazing pick up spot! except for all the happy couples looking for furniture to start their new lives together. single people go there too, to look for ideas on how to save space in their one bedrooms! but please, if you can help it: do not date guys who live in anything smaller than a one bedroom. and no roommates either! case closed. whether you know it or not, I’m making your life BETTER!

here’s a totally cute, stylish man/boy i met the other day while returning something i bought for my new apartment! god i love corporate companies, they makes returns so much easier. have you met Luca? xo

boycrazy at ikea! from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

PS: I HAVE BRAND NEW TWITTER, FACEBOOK, FLICKR, AND MYSPACE ACCOUNTS. IF YOU’D LIKE TO FRIEND ME, JUST CLICK ON THE LINKS HERE OR ON THE UPPER RIGHT HAND SIDE OF THIS PAGE. YOU WON’T REGRET IT! LET’S BE FRIENDS EVERYWHERE WE CAN! IT ONLY MAKES US STRONGER. I LOVE YOU!

the blind leading the blind part 14:

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1.if you are trimming your pubic hair with a scissors and you accidentally cut your labia and it is dangling from a thread……DON’T PANIC! i know it stings and sizzles and you can’t believe you did this to yourself, but you did. now get some neosporin and a band aid and say a prayer. it will probably join back together like they say worms do if you cut them in half. good luck.

2. exercise for the lazy asshole: hula hooping, whatever you’re supposed to do on those rubber balls, jump rope (but make sure your boobs are fully supported).

3. don’t do heroin. DRUGS ARE BADDDDD! THEY ARE A GATEWAY FOR EVIL TO ENTER YOUR BODY! remember what i said about monsters coming into your room if you leave your closet door open? well, it’s the same with drugs, except instead of your room..it’s your soul. and the monster will totally eat it.

4. All the beautiful girls take the stairs. if you’re ever in a situation that presents you with the choice of taking the stairs, elevator, or escalator: ALWAYS take the stairs! at the airport, in the metro/subway stations, wherevs! It’s THE thing to do! It works the legs and the bum! skip a step with each leg, it’ll totally hit the problem areas faster and harder!

5. if you’re a girl and you run into another girl and she tells you how much she loves her new boyfriend, don’t nod your head and smile and tell her “yeah, oh that’s so great. i’m so happy for you!” and then go home and facebook the shit out of that girls new boyfriend and flirt with him or ask him why he’s ignoring your im’s! that is shady, unhealthy behavior. and makes you kind of cunty. yeah, cunty!

6. all we have is our stories.

7. if the choice of places for him to cum are a) in your mouth, b) on your boobs, or  c.) on your stomach – and you’re wearing a new bra, shirt, or jeans or whatever….. the choice is A! but don’t swallow, because it will totally make you fat.

8. first almond milk, then rice milk, then soy milk, THEN non fat real milk. and half and half when you wanna feel like royalty!

9. get over yourself and out of your head. except if you’re overly thinking where he should spoodge.

10. if you’re not watching NYC prep on bravo and hating it, but still watching it…. I’m kind of bummed.

PS: THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE TOMORROW! IF YOU WANNA SAY HI TO ME,  LOOK AT COOL SHIT, OR JUST PEOPLE WATCH, ETC….. THIS IS THE PLACE! SEE YOU THERE!:SummerProjeckt-1

alex olson is coming!

brace yourself for the interview of a lifetime. here’s a taste of the fun times that await: the man, the myth, alex olson!

ALEX OLSON: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

history repeats itself:

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I’ve been in a really weird mood these past few days. I’m angry and frustrated most of the time. Why, I don’t know. This morning I woke up in a puddle of my own blood and thought ‘well, at least I’m not pregnant anymore.’ But, as I fully woke up, I realized I was never pregnant. I was just having my period. I was still laying in a puddle of my own blood though. Thank god I learned that hydrogen peroxide trick.

Does the more blood you bleed during your period, mean the crazier you’re gonna act? I hope so, cuz that would explain a lot. And I need an explanation. Because I’m not happy. I’m constantly tired, and for the first time in my life, can’t get the happiness and validation I crave- from a guy. which is making me hate the guy. am i only now noticing something I’ve already gone through, but never put my attention on? this is repeated behavior.

Shopping didn’t make it better, an epic walk didn’t make it better, a boy saying ‘I love u’ didn’t make it better, a trip to the therapist didn’t make it better, (old episodes of the ORIGINAL Beverly hills 90210 KINDA made it better). I need this to be hormones. Please let it be hormones. And if that’s all it is, it’s scary to think how angry, mean and out of control I can be just cuz I’m having my period.

I’ve been really up and down with a guy I’m dating. I want to feel something, so I’m trying to fight with him. But I feel nothing. I’m bored. I have my attention on other things. life and work etc. And I’m confused as to whether I’m bored with him or if the relationship is calm and should be left alone while I tend to the real stuff that’s making me excited/and inspired/and overwhelmed/etc, which-right now- is work. It’s like, I don’t want to admit tha I might not be that into the relationship RIGHT NOW, or that i’m pre-occupied with thoughts and panic and work, so I try to start a fight and pin it on him. that way, there’s a REASON we can’t hang out or be happy together. I am a monster. I make up reasons to fight with the guys I date. I make up fake scenarios in my head that I actually believe. I live in a dream world and blame the guy for stuff – even if he’s done NOTHING wrong. Just out of habit. Just to feel something, anything- to shake myself up. and/or to push him away. (on a side note- this is how i used to break up with dudes, cuz i was too much of a pussy to end it properly and confront the situation.) I don’t know how to stop. Because after I do that, I can’t shake the guilt and the shame I have of my bad behavior. I don’t like how I feel around the guy, even after the drama’s subsided, because I’ll never believe he’s forgiven me.

Unless I wake up and take responsibility for my behavior and stop sleep walking through life and falling into easy habits- I will repeat this over and over again and bring this behavior into the next relationship and the next. But habits are hard to break. I don’t know about you, but I exist in two parts: The logical, rational part and the crazy/baby/infant/trouble making/insecure/monster/mess part. I can even be BOTH at the SAME time during an argument with a boyfriend. Telling him that I’m about to say things I don’t mean, that are fucked up, and that I can’t stop myself.

I do all of this push and pull fighting bullshit so that the guy is forced to prove his love for me on a day to day basis. To reassure me over and over. This is so unfair to him. and eventually, he will run- to protect himself from me. And I don’t blame him. and yet, I still feel angry and unfulfilled- as if it’s all his fault. Maybe I should just stop dating seriously. Or maybe I should grow the fuck up and bite my tongue and force myself to have A LOT of self control. To show some restraint. In my case, a lot of restraint. I really want to be better. I’m going to try. I just don’t know if I can trust myself… especially on mornings when I wake up in a puddle of my own blood.

ps: if anyone wants me to break up with their boyfriend via a letter on my blog or maybe a video, I’ll totally do that for you. I’m in a strange mood, and this offer won’t be on the table forever. i love you.