(continued) the days passed. we spoke and texted less and less. one night while he was writing on my wall- my facebook wall, not my vaginal walls- his friend joined in on the wall postings. the comments were too harsh for me. they weren’t funny and i was feeling sensitive. i was pms’ing and over it. did i have a crush on someone in la? maybe. ‘fb dude’ called me and i told him i was annoyed. that i didn’t wanna talk. i wasn’t in the mood. who was this guy? ugh, i didn’t even know him. and now he and his friend were teaming up on me on facebook? i didn’t feel safe. he was suddenly an enemy, not an ally. looking back, i was feeling particularly sensitive that night. but that was that, i kinda forgot about the whole thing, and never called him back.
months after our last phone call, ‘fb dude’ texted me saying he’d be in la in a couple weeks for 2 days. he asked me to pick a day to go out on a coffee date. i picked the first of the two days.. just in case he was gorgeous. i continued on with my life. i remembered him telling me that he LOVED hair on a girls privates during one of our late night calls, so i got waxed, knowing i would be grown out by the time he came to town. he wasn’t priority number one, but he was in the back of my mind: ‘oh, yay! if nothing’s going on, at least i have a date early next month.’
i was dating and focused on work. i went to a laker game, dinner parties, was spending time with my girlfriends. one of them told me about some faceless male blogger- who’s blog reminded her of mine. i checked it out. but there were so many pics of some hipster ‘it girl’ dj, i decided against reading it. i was probably just annoyed that the obsessive photos weren’t of me. i can be such a narcissist fuck. so, i emailed him:
me: who are you? the male me? i wanna see a pic. i won’t tell a soul. xo, alexi
him: Just so you know I’m not that easy. One e-mail from a pretty girl is not enough to have me uploading pics.
me: ok. people keep telling me about your blog because they say it reminds them of mine. however, it’s not really that similar. especially since i don’t hide my identity. didn’t we already write on fb? or am i totally wrong? maybe you’re not even a boy. holy shit, the interweb is crazers. i’ll leave you alone now. best, alexi
him: It’s actually been really hard being anonymous because so many channels of promotion were not open to me. I will be honest, your blog was one of the reasons I started, dudes really don’t have anything like it, most of the men that blog about women are so fucking douchey, I just wanted to tell stories about new york and have fun with it.
me: well, thank you. i’m glad i inspired you. : )
me (3 days later): one more thing…. are you a goodlooking, tall (6 feet or over), single boy babe? (he didn’t respond.)
two weeks later, ‘fb dude’ arrived in la!
in the days that led up to his arrival- i had been inundated with work and was WAY more excited about watching bad tv/being cozy at home/spending more time with my family, friends, and myself- whenever i had any down time, than i was about meeting lackluster dudes and prowling. it wasn’t worth the energy.
(even though, let’s face it, my eyes are ALWAYS OPEN when it comes to cute boys; at the supermarket, cafes, while driving- to the point of borderline driving into walls or off a cliff, even maybe!)
I’d only had sex once in the last four months. and now, i needed it like medicine! in the daytime, i was fine. but when it got dark and cold out (and, lately, it was getting darker earlier and more cold than usual) i felt in need of a cuddle/makeout/sexxxy time rendezvous. but i had no crush on anyone! no one on my radar. and i didn’t want it to be an empty experience. i wanted it to be fun and cozy. with someone who actually values me, and likes me as a person.
my best male friend would tell me to just ‘rub one out’ and go to sleep. he’s a charmer. he actually IS a charmer, but i prefer the term ‘touch myself’. anyways, not being sexxed in four months was leaving me feeling not cute/de-swagger-fied.
but, the day my ‘fb dude’ got to la, i had just started to feel better! that particular day was hectic and i was happy! i had castings, hit on some 19 and 23 year old boys, my best girlfriend and i went shopping/bro’d out like champions, and I’d even had a business meeting over hot chocolates and coffee at the chateau marmont! this way to fancy town! what more did i need?
now i was dreading the date. i was confused. how did this dude fit into my life? he didn’t! i didn’t want to be nervous and anxious about being judged by a dude who’s only ever seen pictures of me on the interweb; who i might not even like; sit with him judging whether my photos were a misrepresentation of me; i didn’t want to be a let down. fuck. i didn’t need more stress in my life! i’m just a person! a person! this was supposed to be fun! i had just gotten over a cold, i was sleepy faced. yikes. i hoped he didn’t think i was an ugly/fat/wrinkled/monster/with bad skin . i hated that i cared, because ultimately it didn’t matter what this guy thought of me. i think i’m great! (are you noticing i have a tendency to over-think, cuz i do. i know! you’re welcome. ahh!)
i was meeting ‘fb dude’ at 8:45 at m cafe and i was running a few minutes late. i showed up at 8:50. i entered from the back, walked into the ladies room to look at myself in the mirror, DUH! it’s THE THING to do, and fluffed my hair! i walked out of the ladies, down the corridor, and there he was… and he was fucking GORGEOUS. (to be continued)