let’s cut the bullshit dude’s, if you’re not rich famous or good looking, you’re gonna need a god damn gimmick! no girl wants to fuck an ugly, poor, loser, with no drive or hope of a promising future! add a LACK of personality, sense of humor, money, style, charm, flair, social savvy, or quick wit to the list and you are one sorry/sad sack of shit- with definite potential to induce a clit-hard off . get it together motherfuckers! you’re gonna have to think fast, and that’s just what I’m here for. to help you get pussy. or at least to prevent the girls, who accidentally DO fuck you, from regretting it the next day/re-thinking their sexuality and maybe even their choice to go on living!
get a job you lazy, coach surfing, entitled, oaf! and rework your wardrobe while you’re at it! throw out the shoes you think are ok and functional. shoes AREN’T for function. they tell the RIGHT girls how lame you really are. they are a sneak peak into your inner psyche/soul, without you even knowing. but you can mask this UGLY, WRONG, UNEDUCATED side of yourself, by following my advice. how about, for starters, you develop a skill? something you’re good at. think outside the box. try to MATTER. fyi- just because you were born, doesn’t mean you matter or are of interest to anyone. try, just try, to make a contribution- instead of being a waste of space with a severe pot, cocaine, or nitrus addiction. just putting that out there. do with it what you will.
i assume there is a certain kind of girl you like, and that’s why you’re here. i cater/speak to a certain demographic…i think. prove me wrong. I’m interested in knowing who is even reading this thing. so if you like girls named zoey and Chloe, sexy offbeat beauties, or just all gorgeous, smart, successful, stylish women of the world….they expect a lot. they don’t have to settle for a loser in dockers, sketchers, faded goodwill polo shirts, or flap pocket jeans with embroidery- TO SAY THE LEAST! if you want the TOP NOTCH pussy, you better work to your manly potential! i bet you could even go to target RIGHT NOW and throw a super cool outfit together for way less than going to apc or topman. i dare you! here’s the secret. dress like a gay dude, who happens to only like to eat pussy. have/develop a personality, ask questions, have a job that pays you and that you actually LIKE doing. the trick is to appear effortless, despite all the effort.
learn to be great at giving head, going down on a girl, eating pussy, sucking on vagina (don’t JUST/ONLY ‘suck’- it was a phrase, not the directions.) i once broke up with a guy cuz he never even offered to go down on me. i never even gave him the chance to be grossed out by me! if you are fucking/making love with a girl, YOU MUST OFFER TO LICK HER PRIVATES EVERY TIME! EVERY SESH! your goal should be to make her cum! over and over. not only will your stock soar with the girl in question, your word of mouth will be to die for! you have soooo much power when you are good at sucking pussy AND ACTUALLY GETTING THE GIRL TO ORGASM! that last part is the most important. don’t let her fake it. because we do. sometimes us girls feel bad for you cuz you aren’t finding out spot/clit, or guilty because it’s taking too long for us to cum- and we’re worried you’re getting bored (but that’s a lesson to the ladies too. don’t let him stop till you’re done bitches! and tactfully and gently teach him/show him what you need), or embarrassed cuz we think we might be yucky down there for whatever reason (which is why girlies should ALWAYS carry baby wipes). SO, being the sexy, manly, Casanova i am teaching you to be, tell the girl (in a sexy straightforward man voice that is confident and experienced (even if you’re not) that you get off when she gets off and that you won’t stop till she cums at least a few times!
as for the clothing situation, you’re gonna need a few staples. and a few new stores to start shopping at. black leather bomber jacket. white sneakers. even creme colored low top OR high top converse are ok. if i were you, i would get a simple pair of white sneaker at topman or urban outfitters- there’s only one topman in nyc or the ones in london. however, opening ceremony carries topman in la. hmm. options. either/or, i guess that’s why online shopping was invented. you’ll definitely need some crisp dark blue denim jeans from ksubi or apc, straight-leg thank you. a pair of black denim jeans. some button ups from American apparel and/or uniqlo. a white suit, a black suit, a black skinny tie, and a pale pink skinny tie. i wish i could go shopping with you. but i can’t hold your hand through this. after all, you are ALMOST a grown up. let me know if this helps. and if you have ANY exciting adventures during your metamorphosis, send me the pix so i can post them on the blog. good luck my little Casanovas in training!!! xoxox
if only someone could promise us that all our craziest dreams and desires would come true; that everything would work out in the end…. and that we could rest assured that it will all be OK. but they can’t. who knows what will happen between now and the time you die? that’s the thing that some people actually LIKE about life. it’s a constant surprise. a gamble. but that’s also what others can HATE about it!
He was gorgeous. He was older than me. 18 to my 15. the coolest boy i had ever met. A drummer of a band. i guess I’ve always had a thing for drummers. I’ve put up with tapping from boys for so long, and now when they do it, it just annoys me, instead of fascinate or turn me on.