sometimes you just want to cum. but what’s better? masturbating or basically being licked/jerked off by some disconnected stranger? is it better to just be alone when you’re not looking or even wanting to be in love/a serious relationship? or is that the perfect time to mess around with someone who shares this same mentality: night time sexy rendezvous, and then focusing on work the next day? this ACTUALLY does sound possible and logical and male.
whether it’s my female emotions, or just my ego getting bruised – I’d like to not be so sensitive. i have too much work to do to dwell and make extra drama for myself- wondering if a dude i don’t even like, that i wouldn’t even want as my bf, is gonna call! a dude I’m probably only drawn to because his finger was inside of me and he smells like man? because i invested my time and energy and revealed myself to a dude, and i’m stuck on him ONLY because i don’t want to spread myself too thin revealing myself, exposing myself, making certain faces, and being naked in front of someone else? it doesn’t make any sense! it’s ego! but it is more than that too.
my very blunt and direct male platonic friend ALSO told me that just because a guy doesn’t fall in love with you or wanna marry you or be your boyfriend- doesn’t mean he can’t/doesn’t think you’re special. personally, I’m learning that I need someone to respect me, be intrigued by me, and at least meet me out in public and take me to drinks (shirley temples) before I have an epic make-out romp. I learned this the hard way- which still felt pretty good. on second thought though, i think i could handle just a physical thing. clearly this has taught you nothing except that i’m confused and working shit out. regardless, whatever you, or i end up doing- always use protection! i love you.
ps: a girl reader wrote to me and said that i should ‘fling till i fall in love’. whch i totally agree with! that’s the thing: if i know one thing, it’s that I’m totally open to love. I’m not desperate to be in a relationship. But I’m also excited about when, where, and how my next love will come to me! I’m not bitter or jaded! Xo