an open letter to sean ‘diddy’ combs:
Dear Mr. P. Diddy,
My name is Alexi Wasser and this is my silly website. i like to think of it as a contribution, but that’s just me. this letter is a precursor to a dream come true. One day soon, I’d like to interview you! And when that day comes, there’s a strong chance you might fall in love with me, which I am totally open to….. maybe even excited about!
I heard you’re in a relationship, so I don’t wanna come on too strong- but I’d be doing you a disservice if i didn’t tell you that i think you’re a sexy babe fox! Yeah, you heard me: As cute as a baby fox! I really enjoy all of your inspiring reality shows that not only encourage people to dream big, but gives them a chance to have those dreams come true. Your straight face/TOTALLY intimidating persona is a turn on in a major way. or maybe they just tug on the strings connected to my daddy issues! who knows! who cares! this is just me, talking to you! in a dream bubble if you will. let’s not psycho analyze, it’ll kill the mood.
I don’t know if you even like white girls, and even if you do- if you’d like a Tim Burton/nightmare before Christmas character-esque blogger girl with a leggo haircut. But I’m selling myself short. I’m all that and more! i promise; if we were to date, I’d let you (how do you say) ‘turn me out’? and together, we’d take the world by storm! I’d be your tall white girlfriend and you’d be my black/power playing/mogul/sex god! We wouldn’t even have to explain this to the public- cuz they’d see it for themselves. I’m very tall, and very white. there’d be no way to miss us!
I will work on turning my flat bum into a bangin’ ass butt! I will drop it down low and bring it up slow. I will wear only white to all your white parties. I will make you proud. And even if our rendezvous is a quick tryst- it will be epic! Our pillow talk will be adorable. Me, with my sarcasm, witty banter, self deprecating/effacing/charming nonsense! I’ll ask you questions about business and look deep into your eyes (so often shielded by expensive designer shades), and believe everything and anything you say- simply because you’re: P Diddy, Puff, Diddy, Sean Combs, Sean John, Mr. Combs, A stellar stud!
If you were my manz, I would squeeze you tight and tell you about obscure indie bands you’ve never heard of. Not that you need me to do that for you. I’m sure you have people for that. I mean, after all, you do have a show about people wanting to work for you.
Bottom line: you are a babe. I bet you have a 12 pack tummy tum. I want to squeeze your muscles and look into your eyes- the windows to the/your soul. i would even write a rap for you, if you were too tired to write one yourself and the record label was breathing down your neck about deadlines! You don’t even have to give me credit. It’ll be our little secret. one of many, i hope.
I’ll take a pole dancing class for you even! if that’s what you’d like. I say that only because I’ve seen a lot of mtv’s cribs episodes and got the impression that successful dudes, like yourself, enjoy stripper poles and a woman with know how on those poles (better to be safe than sorry) NOT because you’re black and I’m suggesting that black dudes are the only dudes who like girls on a pole. Not at all. i thought we were closer than that. how dare you!
Anyway, this is how I feel. So, I’ll leave it at that.
and if you’re NOT into it, and by ‘it’ i mean me….. will you at least set me up with snoop, kanye, mos, eminem, lil wayne, a laker, drake, or someone else as sexy/mogul-y/and god like as you?
Lot’s of love, Alexi
aka: boycrazy
aka: a-dubs
aka: the lex-meister
aka: diddy’s girl?
