Make it happen/Keep it sexy, bitches:

Being single can be one of the most awesomely amazing things in the whole wide world…..so if you’re alone and feeling bummed out about it, lets change that! turn looking for men into a competitive sport. it’ll give you incentive to maintaining your figure, face, and privates. if you’re overweight, lose it! if you have an overgrown monster 70’s retro bush, wax that shit. Jesus! what’s wrong with you? make yourself alluring. manicures, pedicures, haircuts, color, just enough makeup to look like you’re not wearing makeup- but appear all pulled together: mascara,tinted moisturizer, lip gloss (not sticky)! if you have acne: see a dermatologist, consider accutane! pick super cute outfits that make you feel sexy and hip when you walk out your front door. and for the love of god, don’t pick at your face or binge eat! when you’ve got that all sorted, and if you live in the Los Angeles area, you should go to amoeba records, walk up the stairs to the 2nd floor and pretend to listen to Cd’s at the listening dock. what it REALLY is- is  a top notch vantage point for super creepy dude predators like you and me. hairshakers, shaggy headed, plaid flannel/dark denim wearing, white tennis shoe sportin’ dudes and lesbians are aimlessly milling about looking for cds like a bunch of assholes…. they have no clue you’re picking them out of a lineup. when you find a hot babe (i use babe to describe any sexy person in your eyes), walk back down the stairs (I’m even helping you lose the saddlebags in your man quest) and casually and as nonchalantly as possible, make your way to his row. act aloof and blase, except for occasional flirty eye contact, drop a cd maybe, (looking like there’s a gleam of fire behind your eyes will really help too-practice doing this in front of the mirror at home during down time), and hope he’s not married, gay, or just repulsed by the idea of your vadge! I’m so excited for you. let me know how it goes. this is business.



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