the blind leading the blind part 14:
1.if you are trimming your pubic hair with a scissors and you accidentally cut your labia and it is dangling from a thread……DON’T PANIC! i know it stings and sizzles and you can’t believe you did this to yourself, but you did. now get some neosporin and a band aid and say a prayer. it will probably join back together like they say worms do if you cut them in half. good luck.
2. exercise for the lazy asshole: hula hooping, whatever you’re supposed to do on those rubber balls, jump rope (but make sure your boobs are fully supported).
3. don’t do heroin. DRUGS ARE BADDDDD! THEY ARE A GATEWAY FOR EVIL TO ENTER YOUR BODY! remember what i said about monsters coming into your room if you leave your closet door open? well, it’s the same with drugs, except instead of your room..it’s your soul. and the monster will totally eat it.
4. All the beautiful girls take the stairs. if you’re ever in a situation that presents you with the choice of taking the stairs, elevator, or escalator: ALWAYS take the stairs! at the airport, in the metro/subway stations, wherevs! It’s THE thing to do! It works the legs and the bum! skip a step with each leg, it’ll totally hit the problem areas faster and harder!
5. if you’re a girl and you run into another girl and she tells you how much she loves her new boyfriend, don’t nod your head and smile and tell her “yeah, oh that’s so great. i’m so happy for you!” and then go home and facebook the shit out of that girls new boyfriend and flirt with him or ask him why he’s ignoring your im’s! that is shady, unhealthy behavior. and makes you kind of cunty. yeah, cunty!
6. all we have is our stories.
7. if the choice of places for him to cum are a) in your mouth, b) on your boobs, or c.) on your stomach – and you’re wearing a new bra, shirt, or jeans or whatever….. the choice is A! but don’t swallow, because it will totally make you fat.
8. first almond milk, then rice milk, then soy milk, THEN non fat real milk. and half and half when you wanna feel like royalty!
9. get over yourself and out of your head. except if you’re overly thinking where he should spoodge.
10. if you’re not watching NYC prep on bravo and hating it, but still watching it…. I’m kind of bummed.
PS: THIS IS THE PLACE TO BE TOMORROW! IF YOU WANNA SAY HI TO ME, LOOK AT COOL SHIT, OR JUST PEOPLE WATCH, ETC….. THIS IS THE PLACE! SEE YOU THERE!:
