the blind leading the blind (part 119):



1. Being objectified won’t last forever… so enjoy it while you can!

2. When you eat pizza samples at the super market, it doesn’t count! It’s like it never happened!

3. One of the best things in the world is getting a knock on the door, and oh my goodness…it’s a delivery of beautiful flowers with a card attached that says “i love you. xx, your secret admirer”!!! even if you DID send them to yourself! a flower delivery’s a flower delivery! remember cher from clueless? you’re just like HER now!

4. Know for sure that you will never be satisfied with the lackluster job they do at your local car wash. Know it. Accept it. The minute your expectations of a job well done by people who could potentially be masters at what they do and actually take pride in their job are gone, your anxiety and disappointment will subside. Maybe.

5. Tinder is for losers. I know it hurts. I know you don’t want it to be true… but it’s TRUE.

6. On days when it’s a complete heat wave inferno; sometimes you just have to drink a beer by yourself, smoke pot when nobody’s looking, freak out internally – on your own, watch internet porn like you’ve never watched it before, & masturbate in the dark at 9:30 PM on a Saturday night. At least that’s what someone i know, who isn’t me, told  me they did once.

7. Please don’t lose your childlike enthusiasm. It’s magical! Don’t let it go! The minute you do, you’re dead.

8. don’t text somebody if not getting a quick reply will hurt your ego and send you down an angry emotional spiral. people are busy and can’t always get back to you quickly. it’s not personal. be calm with your text expectations. one text. no double texts. press send, then continue on with your life. don’t sit around staring at your phone waiting for text bubbles to pop up from the person you’re obsessing over. get a life, relax, be cool.

9. there is only NOW.

10. girls, don’t put your own spit on your privates. if you’re prone to yeast or bacterial infections, this will only create more yeasty, bacterial drama for your privates. be safe, take care of yourself, and use the guys spit. at least that’s what my mom told ME! And I’ve never looked back!





love of your life, boy of your dreams:

If you want to fall in love, and you’ve had bad luck in the past, or you’re just unclear/not sure about what you want in someone……Make a wish list! it helps you be clear, daydream, and specify what actually matters to you! here’s mine- so you don’t think I’m just trying to make you do something lame:

he’s a facilitator of dreams
he makes me laugh sooo much
he listens to me and doesn’t wish I’d shut the fuck up
he actually likes to listen to me and hear what i have been storing up in my mind
he likes me
i like him
he is my friend
he’s the most gorgeous sexy man I’ve ever seen
he loves me
i love him
he’s extremely smart
he’s charming
he’s great in social situations
he drinks every once in a while-only socially
he’s very successful and loves the work that he does
he’s funny
he’s witty
he’s quick witted
i respect him
he respects me
he’s the best sex I’ve ever had in my life
I’m the best sex he’s ever had in his life
he’s very stylish
he’s great dresser
i make him laugh
he doesn’t make me angry
we make each others lives BETTER
i am his best friend
he is my best friend
we have the best sex in the world
we don’t fight
we laugh all the time
he loves me
i love him
i have no desire to cheat
he has no desire to cheat
we look great together
we are a handsome couple
i love how i see myself through his eyes
i am the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen
he is my age or a little bit older
he totally gets my sense of humor
i totally get his sense of humor
he surprises me with presents: like Chanel bags (black jumbo classic lambskin bag with gold hardware-if not black, rosebud, but always lambskin NOT cambon and always gold hardware), flowers (white roses, tulips, red roses)
he has the money to pay for these things and not go bankrupt
he’s cool
he’s not a poser
he’s confident
he knows who he is
he inspires me
i inspire him
we are in love!

*YES, i know i rambled and repeated myself, and said very BIG grandiose things! but who cares! love is crazy and exciting and amazing! and I’d rather dream big, rather than small! xoxo

I Like Boys……

I’ve been referred to as a manizer, a maneater (both literally and figuratively-yuck!), a flirt, a makeout bandit, out of control, blah blah blah. i won’t launch into the whole double standard between men and women! it is what it is, and so i choose not to care. i like looking at goodlooking boys. they’re everywhere: at target, video stores, newsstands, standing next to you, looking out at you from the pages of a magazine, record stores, the supermarket, EVERYWHERE! this blog is all about meeting boys, rendezvous, behavior which could be possibly be labeled as desperate and borderline stalker-esque…….but i promise, it will totally entertain you by either making you (the reader) feel better about yourself, or teaching you where the boys are, and what to do when you find one you wanna makeout with and possibly have sex with. don’t get aids though. use protection ladies, or gay boys, or whoever’s reading this post. i love you.