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there’s a freedom in emailing…


email exchange with my handsome, platonic male friend. he caught me in a moment. i’m usually having a moment. my whole life is a moment. 

me: i think maybe every guy I’ve dated this year has been a rebound of a rebound of a rebound. A series of 2 month stints that go nowhere….I’m just uninspired/not fascinated by the men i date lately and too self aware/aware in general for my own good. I wonder if u and i were bf and gf if we’d cheat on and/or kill each-other.

him: yes I’d drive you crazy with how boring I am. You’d get sick of me real fast probably. Do YOU think we’d kill one another?

me: i think we could be good together. but you’d have to rise to the occasion. i wonder if u could do that. I’d probably always be mad at you… But not always in a heavy or serious way. I’d need lots of validation sometimes, and lots of space other times. I’d also want to hold hands and kiss in public. And i’d want to make out and have sex at least twice a day (not in public). You’d be gruff and say things that would offend me and i’d either hate u/get cold/laugh/jump on and wrestle with u/and or say something to get u back. I love banter and long talks and having heated discussions about things we don’t agree on-  an idiot would think we were having an argument, but really we’d just be having a philosophical debate that would wind from a -z and back again… And after we would have great sex. I don’t believe in cheating (even though I’ve cheated). I also don’t believe in open relationships. Ideally i’d want to trust that when u weren’t happy for whatever reason, you’d be honest and tell me so we could talk about it/fix it/or end it. would this be too much for u? probably. 

him: I doubt I could rise to the occasion. I am lazy and have a hard time going the extra mile sometimes. I love giving space, and having it, hold hands and kiss in public = yes (…), I love being offensive but wouldn’t know until it had been a while if I could feel comfortable making off color and vaguely racist jokes to you. It’s all too much! But who knows. Maybe I could be grown up enough to handle stuff. So long as there were theme parks. Short answer: it’s a lot but would likely be worth it!


the guy i was emailing with, we never ended up sexxxing or dating. he remains just a friend, who’s in a long term relationship as it is… but it was nice to vent.

Patti Smith’s Advice For Young Artists