reader submission: ‘wondering if my boyfriend is gay’

Hi Alexi,

I’m in a tough spot. To keep it brief, I’m 22 years old, in a long distance relationship and I’m wondering if my boyfriend is gay. Here are some reasons why I think this may be true:

-When we first started dating, he said he doesn’t need sex if I’m not ready (What guy says that?)
-He dresses really nicely, (which I like, he’s totally cute)
-When he was really drunk he asked me, “Would you still love me if I was gay?” And I said, “Of course, but not in the same way.” Upon asking if he was gay, he said “No, I’m just a weirdo.”  (What the fuck does that mean?)
-It’s been over a month since he moved and he’s only called me twice and skyped once, (he blames it on his parents being around, he’s not allowed to have a girlfriend who isn’t of his ethnicity…but he could totally walk outside and call me.)
-Sometimes I’ll text him something kind of sexy and he responds with a joke. (I’m not kidding.)

The list goes on. I really care about him and I know he cares about me to. But I’m just wondering where this is going and if it’s worth it and if it’s not, how do I break it off? Do I call him, write a FB message, start a text conversation or write and mail a detailed letter?

Please, please help. I love your blog and I think you offer sage advice, like all the time.

Thank you for your time!

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

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TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

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E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

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PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

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reader submission: ‘too young to be so bitter’

Dear Alexi,

I live in Canada and am 22 years old. My problem is that I am bitter
towards love. Let me give you a little history… I dated my first
boyfriend when I was 19. We dated for 2 and a half years and at the time I
felt just like any other girl in love (butterflies, stars and rainbows!).
However, we broke up 8 months ago and I feel as though I’ve moved on.
However, ever since we broke up, my mindset towards any type of
relationship has taken a flip. I see my friends in relationships and think
to myself “they will never last”. In general, I am a happy and fun-loving
person but I don’t see the point in dating anybody when I know that it is
never going to end well. I know that eventually I’ll find someone more
compatible with me than my ex but what’s to stop that relationship from
failing? People inevitably change and therefore the relationship is
inevitably going to fall apart. I can get sex if that’s what I need,
without committing to anybody – so why would I? My friends call me smart
because I don’t fall for guys bullshit and can keep a clear head when i
like somebody. But this is just a result of me not wanting to pursue them.

I am too young to be this bitter! What do you think? Do you think maybe I
am just not completely over the emotional shock of going through a break
up? And how can I overcome this?!

Hope that you can help!!!

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

reader submission: ‘some honest truths’

Dear Alexi

I want to share very hard but important lessons learned this year:

1. Sometimes that “feeling” in the pit of your stomach, is just plain ol awkwardness.

2. Sometimes it’s not magic or fate, but a coincidence.

3. Sometimes he doesn’t secretly love you, and genuinely LIKES you as a friend because you’re awesome.

4. Sometimes there is a bit of sexual tension, but then again you are wearing a tight-ass dress.  Can you blame him for looking?

5. Sometimes he talks to you because you are down to earth, not because he wants to be your boyfriend.


Just wanted to share some honest truths. You are a brave soul, keep it coming!


JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

reader submission: ‘playing hard to get’

Dear Alexi,

I’m dying to know your opinion on playing hard to get with guys -

This email has come about as a result of a recently failed “relationship.”

Here’s the background – we met through mutual friends and had been dating for a few weeks – he would always be the one to call/text me to ask me out and generally made me feel like he was interested in me.  I’ve always been a believer that if a guy really likes you he’ll make the effort to pursue you and that men HATE being pursued by women -  because women who pursue are perceived as “desperate” and “needy.”  Anyway, I decided that I liked him and threw my rule book out the window so to speak and initiated conversation/asked him out twice in one weekend.  He politely turned me down both times and has since disappeared from my life (despite having taken the time a mere few days earlier to call and sweetly wish me happy birthday).

This situation, while trivial, really got me thinking about playing hard to get and whether it’s a bunch of bullshit or something women need to do to avoid the clingy/needy/desperate stereotype we are so often labeled with.  Do you find that the majority of guys you date dislike women that are forward/ask them out/call them etc.? Or am I stuck dating the same type of neanderthal that thinks it’s 1955 over and over again?  Why does being real and asking out a guy when I want to see him seem to freak them out?

Are guys more attracted to women who behave passively at the beginning of a relationship?

Love,

Sick of playing games <3

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

reader submission: ‘the other woman’

dear alexi,

where do you draw the line on being the other woman?

i’m constantly approached by sexy, confident men that offer a false sense of comfort and companionship, later to find out they have a girlfriend. am i meant to just go along with it, pretend i don’t know about her and take it as an experience? or, continue as i do, by walking away from him when confronted by the truth? so far, i’ve always walked away; but am i missing out on something? will it just end in tears and crushed love? or perhaps a fabulous affair?

being constantly left curious or wondering annoys me. i’m a dreamer, and i hope for greatness- i guess it emotionally marks me when i make the decision to abort- but sometimes, i don’t want to… i want to be with him. maybe we’d fall in love and be together. am i being too considerate of a relationship that is not my own? maybe she treated him badly, but then am i a rebound, a the knife that stabs her in the back?

or is he just an asshole and i’m lucky enough to get out before it’s tragic and cliché?

-anonymous

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

reader submission (from a dude): ‘The Casanova Convention’

About a month ago, my friend Jim invited me to a PUA (pick-up artist) seminar. “I’m going to this thing in two weeks, I think you should come.” he stated, pulling up an ad reading “Casanova Convention” on his laptop. “Seats are filling up fast,” he warned, letting the cursor blink in the quantity section. I’d like to say I refused, but I had no excuse. Having read “The Game,” I was curious. I told him to make it two.

“Can I have you to do one thing for me?” Jim asked during the ride there.

I’d been going on about how excited I was for the past week. Excited to see what kind of freaks would attend, and what kind of douches would teach. I rolled my eyes and peered out the window like a defiant child. “I know, I know. You want me to come in with an open mind and not be all judgey.”

He turned onto the freeway heading towards Echo Park. “Yes but . . . can I tell you this in my own words?” He then restated what I’d said.

I was immediately disappointed when we arrived. We walked up to a group of guys standing in front of what looked to be an abandoned El Patio with a graffiti’d plywood door. These weren’t the pasty skinned, World of Warcraft players I expected. Where was the geezer from Old School? Where was George McFly? Where were the Trekkies?

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reader submission: ‘the friend zone’

Dear Alexi,

I’m 20. I’m at my top choice college, have amazing friends, an awesome job, and, after years of misery and self-loathing a pretty fuckin’ solid self-esteem.

My biggest issue right now seems to be that, with almost every guy I’m interested in, I get slammed into that dreaded place known as “the friend zone.” I kind of hate the term “friend zone” because I feel like it’s really negative and too often used by “Nice Guys” who get super butthurt because women won’t sleep with them, when they actually just befriended them with the hopes of getting laid.

But honestly, it feels like no matter what I do, I can’t win. I’ve been honest and up front with how I felt and gotten the standard “Aw, I don’t feel that way about you, I think we should just be friends.”  I’ve sat back and done nothing, waiting for him to make the move, just to have it fizzle out.

Just a few weeks ago, I had my most brutal case:

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reader submission: letter to the father of the girl my ex boyfriend was cheating on me with, and is now dating… (should i send it?)

Hi Alexi,

My boyfriend has been cheating on me with a single-mom from our hometown. He has been taking her out publicly and even took her to Valentine’s Day dinner. My friends from my hometown didn’t tell me because they thought that since he was being so open, that we had broken up. This has, apparently, been going on for quite some time. I did warn the girl when I found out about the cheating but clearly she did not listen as they are now in a relationship – one week after I ended mine.I did not send this letter to the father but wish I could. I just wanted to warn this new girl’s father of her new boyfriend’s deceptive and manipulative ways because the same thing is gonna happen to her and it saddens me.

Thanks,

here is the letter:

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reader submission: “CRISIS Advice- I ‘cheated’ on my boyfriend with a girl”

Hi Alexi,

I read your blog all the time and I saw no better woman to write this email to than you. I have been having major relationship issues for the past few days and I feel like I need some perspective. Please bear with me because I tend to ramble when I tell my stories…

I’m 21. I’ve been dating the same GREAT guy (also 21) for the past two years, with a bit of history before that. We’ve had our ups and downs – our relationship is far from perfect. But it works somehow and I love him incredible amounts. I definitely think I am more into him than he is into me. He’s known to be a flirt but I’ve never had to worry about him cheating on me. We’ve always discussed the idea of “threesomes” and me hooking up with another girl. The idea turns him on (no surprise there) and turns me on as well.
I’ve always assumed a situation like this would never come to us easily or out of nowhere… But last week I had an old friend of mine come over and spend the night. She’s in a serious relationship and totally devoted to her boyfriend. However, she’s also incredibly open-minded and has had multiple encounters with other females. I’ve only gone as far as making out with some of my female friends – in a completely non-intimate, playful way. Anyways, we had gone through over 2 bottles of wine and a heart to heart, and we were heading to bed, when she asked to “cuddle.” I agreed, not thinking anything of it. She’s very affectionate. But she started sort of rubbing and touching my stomach and her hands began wandering. She told me “If you want me to stop just tell me.”

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make it YOURS monday: ‘crackKillz’ asks about approaching girls via social networking…

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

IF YOU WANNA SUBMIT SOMETHING, I’D LOVE TO SEE IT AND POST IT!

I PREFER VIDEO SUBMISSIONS- UNDER 3 MINUTES:

AND THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU SEXY/SILLY DANCING IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER!

TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU?

E MAIL ME @ [email protected]

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU



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