reader submission: ‘am i still being used even though we’re both getting what we want?’

So i just started my freshman year of college. i came in not a virgin, i lost my virginity to my boyfriend of senior year no big deal. i get that the first time is a big deal but what about the times after? when i meet guys here i know what it will ultimately lead to after a quick make out session so why resist?

i met this guy who also goes to my school and after making out twice i decided to give him my blessing. we did the birds and the bees at 4 am one night after he texted me asking to come over. we obviously both enjoyed ourselves because we did it again. but it was the same exact scenario, getting a text at 4 am and finishing the job and then watching him leave after a quick chat afterwards. i’m cool with being all casual and anti-relationship but whats the limit? am i still being used even though we’re both getting what we want?

please help me! your advice is much appreciated.

love,
confused fresh meat

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reader submission: ‘HELP: I tried masturbating, but I don’t feel anything!’

Hey Alexi,
My friends listen to your podcast and rave about your blog all the time. I love reading it and it has been a huge inspiration to me. I understand you’re probably very busy, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I’ve been dating this guy for four years and we love each other very much. I am 19 years old and in college dealing with a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I haven’t been ready to have sex and he has patiently waited and has supported me throughout our entire relationship. I am now ready to have sex. I have tried masturbating, but I don’t feel anything. It just feels like a finger moving inside of me. I’m scared I won’t enjoy sex with him. I’m scared that I’ll just have to grit my teeth the whole time and pretend like I’m enjoying myself. In one of your posts you said that we should learn how to finger ourselves so that we understand more about our body, but from what I’ve learned so far… I’m not going to enjoy sex at all. I’m also scared about my hymen breaking. I don’t know how much it’s going to hurt. I want both my boyfriend and I to enjoy ourselves. If I can’t even enjoy fingering myself how am I going to enjoy sex? What am I doing wrong? -Anonymous

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make it YOURS monday!

JOIN THE I’M BOYCRAZY CONVERSATION! 

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TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

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E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

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reader submission (from a dude): my FIRST match.com date

I’ve decided to jump back into the world of online dating. I joined Match.com in hopes of finding the perfect: fun loving, adventurous, down to earth, easy going, outgoing, passionate about music, loves to go out but also enjoys staying in, sassy and smart, new-to-this-whole-online-dating-thing-and-still-thinks-it-weird-but-thought-she’d-give-it-a-try girl. I chose Match.com over some of the free alternatives like Plenty of Fish because I appreciate the commitment it takes to give out your credit card information and spend 25 bucks a month to find love.

Before I get into my first Match date, I’d like to say one more thing regarding the profiles. I’ve already ranted about these in my 10 Things I Hate About Online Dating blog, but there’s a new epidemic that needs to be addressed. To quickly add one more to the list . . .

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reader submission: i did something bad?

I’ve learned so much about morality and judgment recently. I’m only 18 but recently I feel older. I used to be the kind of girl with strong opinions. I thought the world was black and white; that there was right and wrong. I wanted to be a good person, and that meant holding myself up to a certain standard.
I wouldn’t say I’ve let my standards drop. I still believe in morality. I still believe in goodness, but I judge people less. I’ve learned that you can never understand how or why people do things. You don’t know their feelings or motivations. What I did looks so wrong on so many levels. I know that if I tell my story, people will judge me. They don’t understand why I would do this to someone I loved. “How could you fall in love with your boyfriend’s best friend.” How? Why? What were you thinking?

THAT’S THE THING ABOUT LOVE. You don’t choose. If we chose who we fell for, then the world would be a perfect fucking place. No girls would get fucked over by the bad boys. We could make ourselves fall in love with Mr. Right. But that’s not how it works. We don’t control who we fall in love with, and love fucks with our ability to think properly.

I fell in love with my boyfriend’s best friend. I left my boyfriend for him. I destroyed my relationship with someone I had been dating for 2 years. He destroyed his relationship with someone he had cared for and enjoyed the company of for 3 years, someone he thought of as a brother.

Was it worth it? Yes. There are times I regret it. But I’m a nostalgic person. I like to think about the past and what I shared with my ex. I think about how I hurt him and what an awful person I am and how I hate myself sometimes. But then I look into my boyfriend eyes (the current ones eyes) and I know I made the right choice. How could I stay with someone when I love another man? That would be living a lie. I may be a lot of things but I’m not a cheater or a liar. I’m proud that we waited till I broke up with him to start a physical relationship. I am glad that we grew to be best friends before we started dating. Our relationship is stronger than I could have imagined. I get to make love to my best friend. We understand each other and we talk about growing old together. The likelihood we will make it is slim. Our paths will one day split. But all that matters is that i went for it. I wasn’t too scared to try.

I threw away everything, which was the most invigorating and terrifying feeling. He is like a drug, and I’m being selfish, but junkies only care about their own fix. I didn’t have children with my ex, we were young, I feel that you need to look after yourself when you don’t have any real responsibility. We are too young not to take risks and go for it. Even if we get fucked over we will make it out okay.

And now I judge people less. I think about how no one can know the full story, and unless you’re in the situation… you have no clue how you would react. Everyone who judges me can fuck off because I know that I did the right thing. Well, I guess the right thing would have been to not fall in love with him? But how were we supposed to do that?

I don’t think I’ll ever look back and regret this no matter how it ends. We’re both freaks and I finally feel like I’ve found someone who understands the sides of me I wouldn’t dare show to anyone else. I never believed love like this existed and I’m so lucky to be able to experience it, and if people judge me for it, all I can say is just wait till you find yourself in a moral dilemma. There is no right or wrong, there is just truth, and that comes from your gut. No amount of logic or lists can compete with that feeling of what you truly want.

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reader submission: i want more…

First of all, let me just say how amazing I think you are.
I’m only 18 years old, but I find you incredibly inspiring. I’m still figuring myself out, but I want so much to be as level-headed and strong as you are.
Secondly, I just thought I’d ask for your advice.
Yes, I know, I’m only 18, but I have issues too! They may not be as intense, but when you’re 18, everything is a big deal.
So, it’s my first year of college and I’m feeling really lonely.
I have some good friends and I have a ton of support back home. But, romantically, my life is dull.
I mean, all I’ve had are meaningless hookups and make out sessions, which is great….until the next morning when you go home….alone.
Every guy I like is only interested in one thing.
I mean, I hooked up with this guy a few weeks ago, and he seemed like he really liked me…and then I found out that he was seeing someone else -.-
I just wish for once, a guy would like me for me, you know?
Not just for a night.
Don’t get me wrong, the nights are fun while they last.
But I want more.
I want something real.
Again, I know I’m young. But I want to find someone.
I’m tired of being the one-night-stand.
I want to be more than that.
Am I just being stupid? Should I just keep having fun? Should I just focus on myself? Help!

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E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

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PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

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why i love craigslist… (ps: i didn’t write this. a reader found it & emailed it to me.)

Observations on sex from a single woman – w4m


Date: 2009-09-07, 11:22PM EDT


So, I’m a single, classy, well-educated, professional, in shape, cool woman… I’m dating and on the somewhat rare occasions when I meet somebody cool… someone I connect to and have chemistry with… I have sex. Here are some observations and tips for you guys from a somewhat sexually frustrated woman:

1.) Condoms are a must… wear it and shut the fuck up about it. I haven’t had sex without one in over 10 years and I deal with it, so can you. Your shit is just not great enough for me to even consider having that kind of trust with you, especially the first few times we hook up. I mean, seriously. Yes I know it feels better and it’s hard (no pun intended) for you to cum when you’re wearing one. That just means you’re not working hard enough for the orgasm… you’re lazy. Get in there and work it out, dammit. Others have been successful and so can you. Which leads me to #2…

2.) You put a condom on and your shit just goes limp. You have a hot-ass girl wanting your dick inside her… you see her there laying in front of you, looking at you with “that look,” and you can’t get hard? Again, put some heart into it. You inevitably say, “I hate these things.” I don’t care. Stop thinking about the fucking condom and make it work. Seriously.

3.) You’re in the zone, working it out… good shit. But I say, “Hold on, can I get some KY real quick?” Stop getting pissed off and/or offended… You say, “How come you’re not wet?” Um, I am, or I was, but after a good amount of time, rubber dries, which contributes to me drying out, and it fucking hurts. I WANT you to keep fucking me… I just want to get some fucking lube. I have your best interests at heart too, believe me. A little bit of lube never hurt anybody.

4.) Sometimes I just want the dick… I don’t want oral sex. It’s not that you’re bad or good at it, I’m just not in the mood… I just want your cock. Just an FYI.

5.) It takes me a good amount of time to cum… it just does. Believe me… if I want you to stop, you’ll know it. If I don’t say anything or push you the fuck off me, just keep going. Pay attention to my facial expressions (open mouth, no sound coming out, but it looks like I’m screaming = good)… my feet (when my toes start to curl, keep doing whatever you’re doing)… my hands and fingers and grip (if I’m kind of holding your hips at a certain angle… follow my lead).

6.) Go ahead… grip me up a little (but, there is a fine line… don’t cross it). Grab my hair… grab the back of my head… make me feel hot and wanted… it’s fucking hot and I love it. Start gently and see what happens…

7.) Reverse cowgirl just doesn’t work for everybody. It’s not my thing.

8.) Tell me how good I feel… sigh… make a little noise. I don’t need to hear you roaring like a T.Rex or anything, but don’t be mute. It’s unnerving.

9.) Make me look at you… tell me to open my eyes. But don’t stare like you’re going to drill holes through my head. I sometimes get lost in my own little pleasure world and forget to look at you and watch what you’re doing to me. Remind me.

10.) Boobs can be sensitive at different times of the month… just know that and approach accordingly. I’ll usually let you know ahead of time if I’m sore. Try to remember.

11.) Don’t forget about the neck and ears during sex. That’s when I’m sometimes the most sensitive and it feels amazing having you that close.

12.) Funny noises are going to happen… I might laugh out of minor embarassment and because it’s just funny. It’s okay, you can laugh too. I’m not laughing at you and I’m sorry if it feels that way.

13.) Don’t just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it’s not. That’s just not cool.

14.) I don’t get the finger-licking thing… especially when you just all up and stick your nasty fingers in my mouth.

15.) Having sex when you’re high is one of the best things ever. Just had to say that.

16.) When you start to put your dick inside me for the first time, take that shit slow. Make me ache for it… put the head in slowly and leave it there for a second. Make me lift my hips up and beg for it. Know that at that point, you are in control and we like it. Or at least I do. I want you to understand how good it feels… relish the moment.

17.) Tell me I’m beautiful and that you love my body at least once… This is especially effective when I’m in a weird position where my stomach looks fucking insane from my angle and who knows what it looks like to you. I work out. I’m pretty tight. I can kick some cardio ass. But damn, some positions just make me look crazy.

18.) Nothing gets me hotter than getting a massage, lying on my stomach… and then having you lie down on top of me, putting your head into my neck and nuzzling my ear, gently but confidently wedging my legs apart with your knee and pressing your throbbing hard cock against my ass… I’m toast.

19.) I think about sex just as much as you do, maybe more. I watch porn. I masturbate. I like to have sex… I’m careful and cautious and I have no problem asking you if you’ve ever been tested. If you say, “Yeah… a few years ago,” I’m going to be disappointed. Don’t be offended or pissy that I asked you that. I would expect you to ask me the same thing. If you don’t ask me back, I think that’s a little odd. On that note, if I ask you to check the condom once or twice during sex, just do it. I’m paranoid, but I’m also 31, never been pregnant, and never had an STD. So…

20.) Don’t leave a condom for me to find (or my cat… or my mom who volunteered to clean my house while waiting for me to come home from work one day). You’re usually in charge of the disposal.

Sigh… that felt good.

  • Location: Philly
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PostingID: 1363379397

reader submission: what happened last night?

Hi Alexi, I want to share a story with you and also let you know how your blog has changed me.

I’ve been seeing this boy, sort of for a while. He’s super sweet, he gets my cultural references, he’s got a giant penis and knows how to use it. He says sweet things to me, shares, makes sure I always get home safely. He’s bearded, tall, well-dressed and intelligent. He’s a dreamboat, in my honest opinion and I hate most men, so I don’t use that term very liberally.
The only catch is that he has a crazy ex-girlfriend.

Last weekend, while we were in the middle of a cuddle/movie sesh and his ex phones. He goes in the other room, yet her drunk dialing continues. He finally turned off his phone and explained how she’s a drunk, crazy bitch and they broke up from a long-term relationship a few months ago and have “joint custody” of the animals that live in his house. Whatever, right? We all have one crazy ex, or at least, I know I do.

So last night, he invited me over. We went for coffee and then ventured to his house. I met some of him and his roommate’s friends who seemed pretty sweet. They left at about 2am. We had plans to make tea and go to bed when there comes a knock on the door.

If you’ve ever watched 90210 (the new one), you’ll remember Jen, Naomi Clark’s sister. Well, this is the voice I heard as the door opened (it was unlocked). This 100lb redhead walks in, holier-than-thou going on about how she’s half-cut, offers us wine and sits down to explain how she’s had such a terrible night with the guy she’s seeing and was in the neighbourhood, so she thought she’d just invite herself over at 3am to vent.

I knew this was the ex, just from the vibe.

I snuck outside to have a cigarette and phone my best friend to explain the situation to her. Just after we ended our conversation, boy comes out. He apologizes for the interruption of his ex girlfriend and explains that she’s a little bit of a crazy bitch when inebriated. I explained to him that I’d like to go to bed soon and asked when she was leaving. He then explained to me that apparently, she had nowhere else to go so she had to crash. I said, “Weird, but fine.” Then he interrupted, by explaining that I would have to sleep alone on the couch while they slept in his bedroom.

I thought about it for a minute. I was enraged. I reverted back to my teenage self and tried to brush it off like I didn’t care, like it was fine. But tears welled up in my eyes. I was silver-medal compared to this bitch. I was second best. I quickly and maturely explained to him that that wasn’t fair. She should leave or at least sleep on the couch. I was there first. Yet, his back bone seemed to diminish as he explained to me that “things were still complicated and they were still sleeping together.” I explained that although we weren’t serious and we were just getting to know each other, it didn’t matter. Whomever he was sleeping with or seeing other than me doesn’t have to have anything to do with me.

I felt sixteen again. Trapped. Rejected. I literally texted 18 people in five minutes desperately, looking for a place to stay, looking for help.

If he had been at my house that night and one of my exes or friends with benefits or dudes I was seeing showed up, I would promptly tell them I was busy and to leave after questioning why they thought it was appropriate to show up at my home unannounced, half cut at 3am.

After this discussion, I explained to him that I would be selling myself short to sleep on the couch alone while he slept with his ex in his bedroom to “figure out” whatever needed to be figured out. I asked him not to feed me bullshit, and he continued to explain how complicated the situation was, how he’s enjoying getting to know me, how beautiful and perfect I am and how he gets excited every time he sees me, yet is not committed enough to have a relationship with me.
I never asked for a relationship.

All I asked is to have passionate sex in his bedroom, drink tea, talk about the world and cuddle, like we usually do.

By this point, his bones had turned to jelly. I was leaving, this bitch was here to stay. You could see the satisfaction in her drunken face that I was leaving. She knew she had the upper-hand. In my rage, I almost wanted to take out my earrings and tell her what a stupid bitch she was, but alas, I’m more refined than that.

He offered to pay for a cab so that I could go home. The ex lives six blocks away, while I live across town and he spent 5x the amount it would have cost to get her home, so that I could leave. He paid for me to leave so that he could spend the night with his ex.

As soon as I got home, I burst into tears.

Now today, his roommate has been talking to me, telling me how sorry he is that he wasn’t awake to drive me home, telling me how right I was for leaving. The boy has also been texting me, apologizing for the asshole move he made, saying that he enjoys me, but things are still oh-so complicated between him and his ex. He wants to take me for coffee, lunch, movies, dinner, anything and wants me to forgive him.

I don’t know that I’ll never forgive him. But I don’t know if he’s worth my time after last night. I went from being a giddy school girl to being an anxious mess in literally two minutes because of this woman who means nothing to me.

But, I know if I would have stayed on that couch, I would have felt worse today. The teenage me may have, just to avoid drama. I would have put a smile on my face and just dealt with how shitty I felt and maybe cried myself to sleep knowing I was not the one that night. But instead, I grew a backbone and with class, told him that what he was doing was incredibly shitty, but that I wasn’t going to argue about it any longer.

I don’t know what’ll happen with this boy. Before this, he seemed perfect. While watching movies, I could feel his glance at me and see a smirk from the corner of my eye. When he runs his fingers down my back after we have sex, I shiver. When he tells me about his interests and goals, I’m interested, as he is when I talk about mine.

Despite all that, I’m capable of so much and worth so much more than the couch and I know that and I think realizing that is a part of growing up. It’s funny how in moments of rejection, self-doubt and confidence blows, you find small bits of pride in yourself. I was the better person. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I didn’t tell him that I hated him. I just explained how I felt and how what he was doing was wrong and left with class. I never would have done this four or five years ago.

Thank-you for showing women everywhere that they are empowered and in control, even when everything around them is out of control.

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E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

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reader submission: The Man We Want; The Man We Shouldn’t Want

You lay there with your legs intertwined with his. You roll to your side, reaching for something in particular, but you can no longer remember what it was you were reaching for. Your hands grasp for nothing. You arm falls lazily to the side of the bed. You lay on your side, and unlike the ones before him, he doesn’t reach for you. You like it that way. You hate the feeling of a heavy arm on your shoulder. The heat from his skin burns your back.

He hands you a cigarette and a glass of water, pushes the stray strands of hair away from your face. His lips warm, they kiss you close to your ear lobe. It’s always perfect. He knows your secrets, the ones you’ve yet to tell him. He excuses himself and climbs out. He pulls you up onto the pillow. He pulls you slowly, delicately. And then he walks out and you watch him leave.

You roll back onto your side, check the time and stare at the wall. He returns with another glass of water. He climbs back into bed. He pulls you closer by your legs. You wrap your legs around him and he holds you too close. You realize this is too close but you say nothing. This time it will be different.

You are intoxicated by him. His lips, his eyes. The way he teases you, twirls your hair around his finger. His boyish charm, his juvenile sense of humour. The way he makes you wait for hours, days. He owes no explanation to you and you command none. He will call and you will crawl back into bed with him. He will leave you without pictures, songs, borrowed t-shirts and other memorabilia that lovers exchange. He is everything you want, but he is not what you should want.

He is cold, unknowingly manipulative. Your hands fit perfectly into his. He closes his eyes for a moment and you kiss him gently. You know that this time will be different. But it never is. You compare him to the beautiful men in lovely black and white movies. Tall, stoic. Workaholics, alcoholics with no soul but with eyes full of too much soul, and all it takes is an honest conversation. They become changed men. Men capable of holding and feeling. They run away with you to Paris. You peruse the streets of Rome with him. He is there at night and you can hear him breathing. The only two stars of your wonderful movie, in black and white, with no blurring grey areas.

Or you lay in bed alone, promising to never love the man you shouldn’t want. But you were never very good at keeping promises.

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TELL ME SOMETHING! WHAT ARE YOU FEELING/NOTICING?

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E MAIL ME @ boycrazyalexi@gmail.com

write ‘make it YOURS monday’ in the heading (for videos)

OR ‘reader submission’ (for written submissions)

PS:

• follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

• call me and leave a voice message: 888 666-2045

(ask me a question, tell me a secret, or say something neat)

I LOVE YOU

A Message to Women From a Man: You Are Not “Crazy” – by Yashar Ali

You’re so sensitive. You’re so emotional. You’re defensive. You’re overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You’re crazy! I was just joking, don’t you have a sense of humor? You’re so dramatic. Just get over it already!

Sound familiar?

If you’re a woman, it probably does.

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