WOOT WOOT! TOMORROW (SUNDAY JUNE 6, 2010) I’LL BE JOINING FORCES WITH BUZZNET.COM - INTERVIEWING CELEBS ON THE RED CARPET (I ACTUALLY HEARD IT’S GONNA BE GOLDEN) AT THE 2010 MTV MOVIE AWARDS! CAN YOU HANDLE IT? I HOPE YOU CAN!
AND, BY ALL MEANS, FOLLOW THE LIVE MTV MOVIE AWARD TWEETS ON THE BIG DAY DAY @BUZZNET !
MORE TO COME! SO STAY TUNED…..
I LOVE YOU!
This is GIDEON YAGO! A male anomaly. He’s you AND your parents wet dream! Bring this guy home for thanksgiving and you better not screw it up- or else your family will drop YOU and adopt HIM! He’s THAT good! Not only is he smart, driven, successful, talented AND funny-but he’s good looking and dresses well! Is he a robot? No, he’s Gideon Yago!!! Star quarterback in the game of life! If you don’t fall in love with him, you’re MILF mom will! Booya!
Sometimes you just have to storm into a dudes house, beg him and his actor friend to take their shirts off, and ask them questions till they give you a goddamn answer. so that’s what i did. i was bored and lonely. I’d just had a full and productive day getting my hair cut & colored, and my nails done. i didn’t even have to wake up early the next day, so i could totally stay up late! but do what, where, and with who? i had no one to annoy! i needed brains to play with! dolls made out of people!
Meanwhile, jack and pj were cozy at home (not in a gay way) living their lives, playing video games, texting, watching the boob tube, one up’ing each other with witty quips and fast paced banter… UNTIL I ARRIVED, TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP! so tonight, this is what i learned via pillow talk. we didn’t have sex, but i made sure there was a pillow near by each of the boys -at all times- to make them feel safe and have something to squeeze in case my questions got too scary. let’s learn about the inner workings of two successful, cool, heterosexual, hip, young, go-getting dudes!
32. make oranges your new best friend. they smell good and taste just as good as they smell. like supermodels! yes, i know i shouldn’t advocate eating, but sometimes you have to! and these take a while to peel! so, in the time you could have eaten two snickers bars, you’re still in the midst of enjoying your new bff…the orange! pow!
33. don’t eat carbs.
34. everything has carbs.
35. if you hate his sheets, and you happen to have your period, just bleed on them. this may sound embarrassing, but it’s a small price to pay for getting what you want.
36. you are a woman. you are always in control.
37. try not to spend EVERY night at his house! i know you’re all excited and happy, but don’t forget you have your own life to maintain! plus, this will make him respect and desire you even more! no joke!
40. you’re not allowed to buy art at ikea! it is not a quick fix. ikea doesn’t sell art anyway! they sell mass produced posters. be careful. (this coming from the girl who shops at forever 21 and target. shut your mouth!) xoxo
no! it’s Sunday! you shouldn’t even be on the Internet, let alone reading blogs! I’m flattered, but you shouldn’t have. i understand that there’s a lot of down time, and it’s the perfect opportunity to read my blog-but I’m out humiliating myself now and collecting stories to tell you. if you’re not all caught up with my previous posts, now would be a good time to do so! the following 5 days ahead have a lot in store for us. fun stories. cute boys. me looking like a retarded asshole! i can’t wait! but, like i said, TODAY IS SUNDAY! the day of lazy craziness. you should be having sex with some dude you picked up last night at Teddy’s OR getting ready to go to sway! so, put on a facial mask why don’t you?! expensive or cheap….i don’t give a fuck! just do it. have you tried the insanely affordable yet highly effective queen Helene mint julep masque? it’s to die for! see you tomorrow! until then, here are some you tubes of the woman who made me…….(the 2 guys are my uncles. my mom’s the one with the boobs.) xo