the blind leading the blind (part 119):

miley-cyrus-photographed-by-terry-richardson-in-new-york-1-e1381025333379

 

1. Being objectified won’t last forever… so enjoy it while you can!

2. When you eat pizza samples at the super market, it doesn’t count! It’s like it never happened!

3. One of the best things in the world is getting a knock on the door, and oh my goodness…it’s a delivery of beautiful flowers with a card attached that says “i love you. xx, your secret admirer”!!! even if you DID send them to yourself! a flower delivery’s a flower delivery! remember cher from clueless? you’re just like HER now!

4. Know for sure that you will never be satisfied with the lackluster job they do at your local car wash. Know it. Accept it. The minute your expectations of a job well done by people who could potentially be masters at what they do and actually take pride in their job are gone, your anxiety and disappointment will subside. Maybe.

5. Tinder is for losers. I know it hurts. I know you don’t want it to be true… but it’s TRUE.

6. On days when it’s a complete heat wave inferno; sometimes you just have to drink a beer by yourself, smoke pot when nobody’s looking, freak out internally – on your own, watch internet porn like you’ve never watched it before, & masturbate in the dark at 9:30 PM on a Saturday night. At least that’s what someone i know, who isn’t me, told  me they did once.

7. Please don’t lose your childlike enthusiasm. It’s magical! Don’t let it go! The minute you do, you’re dead.

8. don’t text somebody if not getting a quick reply will hurt your ego and send you down an angry emotional spiral. people are busy and can’t always get back to you quickly. it’s not personal. be calm with your text expectations. one text. no double texts. press send, then continue on with your life. don’t sit around staring at your phone waiting for text bubbles to pop up from the person you’re obsessing over. get a life, relax, be cool.

9. there is only NOW.

10. girls, don’t put your own spit on your privates. if you’re prone to yeast or bacterial infections, this will only create more yeasty, bacterial drama for your privates. be safe, take care of yourself, and use the guys spit. at least that’s what my mom told ME! And I’ve never looked back!

LET’S BE FRIENDS!

TWITTER @IMBOYCRAZY

INSTA @IMBOYCRAZY

PS: I FOUND THIS. IT INSPIRED ME. I LOVE KANYE.

the blind leading the blind (part 96):

1. You can’t ask people whose life you don’t respect for advice. Anything they say can’t be taken seriously

2. One of the most annoying things is when someone laughs out loud at a text while sitting in a quiet waiting room full of strangers. FUCK YOU!!

3. when drunk at da club, before you take someone home with you, ask yourself this:  ‘do you just want to go home with him? or do you want to wake up in the morning with him?’ Let your answer dictate your next move. but whatever it is you choose, don’t end up at some shit diner eating a cheeseburger at 3am.

4. next time he asks for a naked pic, send a picture of you naked as a baby. It’ll do at LEAST one of three things: make him laugh, humanize you, or totally turn him off! good luck!

5. dear all my drunk friends, when you tweet at night and the next morning all those tweets have mysteriously disappeared from your feed because you’ve sobered up and are trying to cover up your sloppy drunken behavior…. people notice. #theinternetNEVERsleeps

6. i love when people KNOW they don’t photograph well. It saves us all a lot of ego stroking. know your face.

7. when a guy tells me he feels very comfortable around me, i get very uncomfortable. you should too.

8. NEVER agree to a first date with someone who isn’t good-looking, cuz you might actually LIKE them. or WORSE, fall in LOVE with them! and then where does that leave you? in love with an ugly person! unless they’re RICH or FAMOUS… then it’s ok.

9. if a guy wants to take you for fish tacos the morning after an epic night, but you don’t want to because you want coffee and breakfasty food like any other sane person would want when they’re hung over on a sunday after a crazy night of drinking lethal margaritas followed by champagne… just go with the flow and eat the fish tacos. here’s why: you might actually like them; saying ‘yes’ to the experience will make you you appear to be a fun girl who’s hassle free and easy to be with who tries new things on a whim; or BETTER YET, you might get food poisoning and lose seven pounds! either way… YOU WIN!

10. sleeping with an ex while dating someone new totally DOESN’T count as cheating. as long as you’re not adding a NEW person to your already too long list of people you’ve slept with, you’re in the clear.

tonight: tune in & call into ‘boycrazy radio!’

tonight/wednesday march 7, 2012 9pm pst

join me during ‘boycrazy radio’

click here to listen

& totally call in so we can discuss & solve all your love/life/dating problems

all you have to do is dial
1(646) 378-0649
or call us toll-free
1(877)569-3588

if you’re in another country, you can call in using gmail or Skype!

if you can’t call in during the live show, leave a message on ‘boycrazy voicemail’ 1(888)666-2045

& follow me on twitter while you’re at it/

ttyl, xoxo

ps: listen to previous episodes of ‘boycrazy radio’ below…

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

why i love craigslist… (ps: i didn’t write this. a reader found it & emailed it to me.)

Observations on sex from a single woman – w4m


Date: 2009-09-07, 11:22PM EDT


So, I’m a single, classy, well-educated, professional, in shape, cool woman… I’m dating and on the somewhat rare occasions when I meet somebody cool… someone I connect to and have chemistry with… I have sex. Here are some observations and tips for you guys from a somewhat sexually frustrated woman:

1.) Condoms are a must… wear it and shut the fuck up about it. I haven’t had sex without one in over 10 years and I deal with it, so can you. Your shit is just not great enough for me to even consider having that kind of trust with you, especially the first few times we hook up. I mean, seriously. Yes I know it feels better and it’s hard (no pun intended) for you to cum when you’re wearing one. That just means you’re not working hard enough for the orgasm… you’re lazy. Get in there and work it out, dammit. Others have been successful and so can you. Which leads me to #2…

2.) You put a condom on and your shit just goes limp. You have a hot-ass girl wanting your dick inside her… you see her there laying in front of you, looking at you with “that look,” and you can’t get hard? Again, put some heart into it. You inevitably say, “I hate these things.” I don’t care. Stop thinking about the fucking condom and make it work. Seriously.

3.) You’re in the zone, working it out… good shit. But I say, “Hold on, can I get some KY real quick?” Stop getting pissed off and/or offended… You say, “How come you’re not wet?” Um, I am, or I was, but after a good amount of time, rubber dries, which contributes to me drying out, and it fucking hurts. I WANT you to keep fucking me… I just want to get some fucking lube. I have your best interests at heart too, believe me. A little bit of lube never hurt anybody.

4.) Sometimes I just want the dick… I don’t want oral sex. It’s not that you’re bad or good at it, I’m just not in the mood… I just want your cock. Just an FYI.

5.) It takes me a good amount of time to cum… it just does. Believe me… if I want you to stop, you’ll know it. If I don’t say anything or push you the fuck off me, just keep going. Pay attention to my facial expressions (open mouth, no sound coming out, but it looks like I’m screaming = good)… my feet (when my toes start to curl, keep doing whatever you’re doing)… my hands and fingers and grip (if I’m kind of holding your hips at a certain angle… follow my lead).

6.) Go ahead… grip me up a little (but, there is a fine line… don’t cross it). Grab my hair… grab the back of my head… make me feel hot and wanted… it’s fucking hot and I love it. Start gently and see what happens…

7.) Reverse cowgirl just doesn’t work for everybody. It’s not my thing.

8.) Tell me how good I feel… sigh… make a little noise. I don’t need to hear you roaring like a T.Rex or anything, but don’t be mute. It’s unnerving.

9.) Make me look at you… tell me to open my eyes. But don’t stare like you’re going to drill holes through my head. I sometimes get lost in my own little pleasure world and forget to look at you and watch what you’re doing to me. Remind me.

10.) Boobs can be sensitive at different times of the month… just know that and approach accordingly. I’ll usually let you know ahead of time if I’m sore. Try to remember.

11.) Don’t forget about the neck and ears during sex. That’s when I’m sometimes the most sensitive and it feels amazing having you that close.

12.) Funny noises are going to happen… I might laugh out of minor embarassment and because it’s just funny. It’s okay, you can laugh too. I’m not laughing at you and I’m sorry if it feels that way.

13.) Don’t just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it’s not. That’s just not cool.

14.) I don’t get the finger-licking thing… especially when you just all up and stick your nasty fingers in my mouth.

15.) Having sex when you’re high is one of the best things ever. Just had to say that.

16.) When you start to put your dick inside me for the first time, take that shit slow. Make me ache for it… put the head in slowly and leave it there for a second. Make me lift my hips up and beg for it. Know that at that point, you are in control and we like it. Or at least I do. I want you to understand how good it feels… relish the moment.

17.) Tell me I’m beautiful and that you love my body at least once… This is especially effective when I’m in a weird position where my stomach looks fucking insane from my angle and who knows what it looks like to you. I work out. I’m pretty tight. I can kick some cardio ass. But damn, some positions just make me look crazy.

18.) Nothing gets me hotter than getting a massage, lying on my stomach… and then having you lie down on top of me, putting your head into my neck and nuzzling my ear, gently but confidently wedging my legs apart with your knee and pressing your throbbing hard cock against my ass… I’m toast.

19.) I think about sex just as much as you do, maybe more. I watch porn. I masturbate. I like to have sex… I’m careful and cautious and I have no problem asking you if you’ve ever been tested. If you say, “Yeah… a few years ago,” I’m going to be disappointed. Don’t be offended or pissy that I asked you that. I would expect you to ask me the same thing. If you don’t ask me back, I think that’s a little odd. On that note, if I ask you to check the condom once or twice during sex, just do it. I’m paranoid, but I’m also 31, never been pregnant, and never had an STD. So…

20.) Don’t leave a condom for me to find (or my cat… or my mom who volunteered to clean my house while waiting for me to come home from work one day). You’re usually in charge of the disposal.

Sigh… that felt good.

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tonight: ‘boycrazy radio’!


CALL ME TONIGHT…

WEDNESDAY DECEMBER 7, 2011

DURING BOYCRAZY RADIO

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR CALL TOLL FREE:

1(877) 569-3588

ps: if you’re in another country,

you can call me using gmail or skype!

pps: if you can’t call during the show,

leave me a message on my NEW toll free

‘boycrazy voice-mailbox’ 1(888)666-2045

we’ll bro out, role play,

and discuss ALL your love, sex, dating,

and life dilemmas!

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

the blind leading the blind (part 75):

1. start saying ‘figuratively’ instead of ‘literally’… SINCE THAT’S WHAT YOU ACTUALLY MEAN!

2. the question is this: is a relationship worth more than total freedom?

3. sometimes spending the night at your boyfriend’s house is the equivalent of going on holiday… or at least a trip to the spa!

4. if a friend says ‘will you give me a ride to the airport?’ the correct response is ‘no. but I’ll give you money to take a cab.’

5. do I really have to tell you how I feel about tribal tattoos?

6. never EVER use the word ‘event’ when referring to something you went to the night before, are going to, or attended in general. it will ONLY make you sound like someone a worth-while person doesn’t want to know.

7. never EVER cut your own bangs… unless you’re really good at it. in which case… cut mine?

8. people! don’t cross diagonally on a horizontal cross walk! It slows everything down! stay within the lines you fucking selfish assholes! you make it super confusing for cars to make right turns! how about everyone STARTS being a LITTLE BIT MORE SELF AWARE! YEAH! ALL. MOTHERFUCKIN’. CAPS.

9. dudes (and lesbians), get rid of your Justin Bieber floppy mop tops! Even Justin Bieber got rid of the Justin Bieber!

10. none of my business, but I’D say: wait until she loves you before you show off your break dancing skills.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @IMBOYCRAZY 

the blind leading the blind (part 69):

 

1. if the homeless dude is too good-looking, don’t give him money. He can make his OWN money… As a prostitute!

2. do ONE thing that makes you nervous, scared, or brave EVERY DAY!

3.  if he gives you a massage, he MIGHT be a pussy… but stop thinking right now! you’re getting a massage!

4. only have orgies in laurel canyon!

5. a guy can be kind and good and NOT be a pussy. Promise.

6. holding a water bottle (an individual sized or a 1.5 L) will always make you look 4lbs thinner AND appear better than people. However: toting around a 1 L bottle of pellegrino will make you look thin, better than others, AND pretentious. I say carry/drink the pellegrino. I do.

7. you know it’s serious, and by ‘serious’ I mean; you’ve gone SERIOUSLY too far with the home extractions, when your tweezers are out, covered in blood, and you’re using Kiehl’s blue astringent/herbal lotion like it’s going out of style.

8. never bring a baby to a movie theater! Ever!

9. women: never give people the finger when you’re driving. It’s too scary out there! I’m saying this to protect you! Road rage still happens! Men carry baseball bats and guns in their car. people are crazy and too angry already for no good reason. Be SO careful! Get fingered while you drive, but don’t GIVE the finger. That should help you remember.

10. dudes: instead of initially texting girls things like ‘I’m gonna fuck you so hard and make you cum‘ – try saying/texting: ‘I’m gonna make you melt.’ OR ‘I’m gonna make you feel so nice.’ it’s so much sexier. think of these as sexual baby steps. create romantic anticipation. always be a sexual Casanova… even with your texting and phone call technique.

 

‘BOYCRAZY RADIO’ IS TONIGHT!

CALL ME TONIGHT

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 2, 2011!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL:

1(646) 378-0649

OR CALL TOLL FREE:

1(877) 569-3588

We’ll bro out, role play,

& discuss ALL your love, sex, dating,

and life dilemmas!

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio

top 10 ways to know if someone has herpes:

You can be SURE someone has herpes if:

1. they live in Los Angeles. (this only pertains to half of LA).

2. they live in New York. (this pertains to 100% of NYC).

3. they are married or in an inexplicably long term relationship.

4. they’re in a band.

5. they are a celebrity.

6. they won’t kiss you OR sleep with you right away – even though you’re both adults.

7. they won’t share amazing ice cream with you, & give a WAY lame excuse like ‘lactose intolerance’ or ‘dieting’.

8. they are taking the vitamin supplement: lysine.

9. you catch them buying ‘preventative valtrex’. yeah right dude bro. tell it to the judge!

10. they use condoms.

HAVE FUN! xo, me

TONIGHT: Boycrazy Radio!

TONIGHT!

WEDNESDAY JUNE 30, 2010!

TUNE INTO – BOYCRAZY RADIO!

9PM PST/12AM EST

JUST CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

DIAL: 1(646) 378-0649

OR TOLL FREE @ 1(877) 569-3588

to CALL IN!

we’ll bro out, role play, & talk about ALL your love/sex/dating/life dilemmas!

if you don’t call in, i don’t know that you’re listening & want me to keep doing the show. so let me know you’re out there and are PRO ‘boycrazy radio’!

either way… I LOVE YOU!

xo, Alexi

UPDATE!

PS: THANKS TO ALL MY AMAZING CALLERS!

I ENDED UP ADDING AN EXTRA HOUR! IT WAS AN EPIC PARTY! xo, alexi

Listen to internet radio with Alexi Wasser on Blog Talk Radio


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