1. when you press the button at a cross walk, don’t stand under the signal while you’re waiting for the light to change! be careful! The signal thingy could/might TOTALLY fall on your head. life is constantly scary… whether you WANT to know it or not!

2. yes, you need to go to the gym. no, not YOU, YOU. yeah, you!

3. own your package. Whatever it is you’ve been dealt, own it. unfortunately, it’s all you’ve got.

4. i hate when people don’t just say ‘excuse me’, if/when I’m in their way. I obviously can’t see you. Duh! What if I never looked over and saw you? Would you stand there FOREVER, just looking at me all mute styles, with your passive aggressive/dumb dumb face/blank stare? WHY? what is the point of this? it doesn’t get the one thing you want from me accomplished- you fucking cunt-rag/twat fuck jerk! so say excuse me people! it’s OK! Jesus fucking Christ!

5. you can’t tell a person/help a person who doesn’t want your help. A person who has not yet wrapped his head around the concept of doing something that might be beneficial for their life, MUST figure it out on their own/at their own pace. This is out of your hands! and as frustrating as this is to watch, you have to let it go! YOU can only take care of YOU!

6. FYI: dudes hate when you wear those weird hippy headbands! You’re not an American Indian, and it’s not 1964. Save your money.

7. getting herpes from a famous person is WAY cooler than getting herpes from a regular person.

8. find the happy medium between predator and wallflower, and i think you’re gonna be OK!

9. no chewing/chomping gum in public.

10. don’t keep the pink slip for your car IN your car! A cop told me that.

PS: if you’re not watching ‘kell on earth’ every Monday night on bravo at 10pm…… i don’t know what’s wrong with you. will somebody please tell kelly Cutrone how much i love her? it’s the new best thing on TV!

PPS: that is, until ‘the real housewives of nyc’ returns! hollah!

PPPS: what does everyone think of ‘how to make it in america’? just wondering.

i love you! xo, me