It was a Sunday night. I’d been feeling soooo bad the days prior. I needed to get out of my head. I had just seen two movies by myself (‘The Adjustment Bureau’ AND ‘Limitless’) back to back at two different theatres. When I got home I was so inspired by ‘Limitless’, at 4am I was signing up for various classes (types of classes that would normally make me feel so embarrassed for myself. but there’s just no time to be embarrassed or self conscious anymore. Time is running out. so i decided to walk through the embarrassment.) I signed up for an improv class, and a writing workshop (you’re welcome! maybe I’ll start capitalizing and learn about something i heard about called ‘grammar, punctuation, and spelling), I bought a great ticket (just for me/party of one) to a Laker game for the coming Tuesday (section 101, row 9). And the next morning I jumped in my car and headed to Disneyland. Solo! I needed to get out of Hollywood. I was just happy to drive to a new part of California. No matter how ugly, bland, and industrial.
I walked into a starbux adjacent to the park and immediately knew going on this little excursion was the right decision, as both the guys/baristas working behind the counter were gorgeous, 22, and looked like they could have been featured extras in any of the twilight films. One for each clan! Cullen OR werewolf side. Phew. Even though e’erybody KNOWS at my core, I’m team Bella!
I was feeling good. I parked in the Minnie Mouse section of the parking structure, and felt super high brow drinking my venti nonfat vanilla latte on the tram ride to the park! i paid $72 for my ticket and I was through the turnstile! At last! I was reliving… NO, more like, taking back my childhood! But this time ON MY TERMS!
Everyone was so ugly, un-chic, and overweight! I felt like a princess! Who was I surrounded by? Why is everything about me, you ask? Well, because my existence is seen and experienced through MY eyes. that’s why. Just like your life is seen from your point of view. But really, who were these people? There were groups from so many different walks of life.
Immediately I saw those people. Those theme park people who get off on being the masters of the park. It’s their home away from home. Dry humping against the wall in their target clothing. And I’m not talking about the featured designer target lines. These peoples ‘theme park mastery’ and ‘I don’t give a fuck attitude’ is all they’ll ever aspire to know. It’s sad and familiar, cuz I think I used to be intimidated by these bonehead types when I was like twelve. I’m hoping younger or never, but probably twelve.
I saw tourists from far away lands and not so far away lands, ugly baby’s, adorable toddlers, child molesters with milky/doughy sunburned skin and rubbery lipped grins. I saw girls with guys not up to their level of cuteness. i saw labels like ‘hollister’, ‘ed hardy’ and ‘juicy’ sprawled over ladies track suit bums. i saw super fit dudes with bleached blonde heffers who didn’t even look like they had a positive attitude or lovely personality to make up for the extreme difference in aesthetics: Think every mom on ‘teen mom’. How do these sloppy train-wreck girls manage to pussy whip/wrap these dufus’s around their spray tanned/french manicured/sausage fingers with such a fowl mouth and rude behavior? must be mommy issues and/or no self esteem? for now, i’ll surrender to the mystery.
All of these thoughts and feelings before I’d even looked at my map! What ride would I go on first? Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, the Matterhorn Bobsleds? so far, people watching was enough. going here alone was like a walking meditation. Being alone, but surrounded by people, and not having to speak was more isolating than just being alone at home watching ‘Khloe and Lamar’ or whatevs. what i did know was, at SOME point, I’d have to allow myself a churro and a soft pretzel with mustard! I just HAD to! I knew I’d feel guilty about it later, but not while I was at Disneyland. There is no guilt at Disneyland. Except for the latent memory of racism, greed, and god knows what else…. but that was then, and this is now!
Suddenly, in my fantasy churro haze, I realized I was staring directly at the cellulite on the thighs of two teenage girls in short shorts. And it made me feel so good! shhhh. just listen! it made me feel good for two reasons: A. It made me feel better about MY OWN body. And 2. Because they were so fearless and accepting of THEIRS! They were just putting it all out there! Hurrah.
On a side note, splash mountain was closed. But I would be OK. #firstworldproblems. Also, one of the best things about this place, I just noticed…no dogs! Just hot dogs.
I wondered if I’d see any pockets of hipsters or have the rare celeb sighting. you know, like when you’re at some remote thrift store in the middle of nowhere and you think ‘great, all the good finds will be mine! I’ll own the joint!’ But then you see the perfectly styled/coiffed Japanese tourists there to snag all the best 50 cotton 5o poly tees for their uuber chic vintage shops in Tokyo! And suddenly you don’t feel so special anymore.
Passing by a gift shop, I saw they were selling autograph books and it reminded me of when I came to Disneyland when I was little and asked my mom to buy me one. maybe from this very shop! Except, I didn’t understand it was to collect other peoples autographs and signatures. Instead, I filled it with variations of my OWN signature! What. A. Dick.
To my left I saw fourteen year olds with fupas, white middle aged men with their mail order Asian brides, spouting all the rides their docile wife wouldn’t like and wouldn’t be allowed to go on. gross. But who knows what these women’s alternate life options were. To my right, I saw a fat, grumpy looking white women bossing around her husband who was hopefully cheating on her… for his sake.
What I noticed about so many of these grim people who looked so dead inside, was that they could have been ANYTHING if they’d believed in themselves and took some initiative! They were probably all religious and into god too; spewing this and that about faith. But when it came to having faith in themselves, that’s where they dropped the ball. Now the bitterness had frozen on their worn/tired/angry faces. And it hurt when I looked at these faces. It’s sad. If you really stop and look, you can feel peoples pain, and unrealized dreams. I could feel the lack of belief in themselves, and a general sense of having given up or just never having tried at all. But this was too miserable to think about. it was time to buy a churro.