When Things Get Weird
By Amanda Leigh
I hate dating. I hate the word hate even more. I’m at the point where if you don’t knock my socks off, I’d rather stay home and not spend the hour plus getting ready that it takes to go out with you.
I’m an independent woman. I know who I am. I have a full, vibrant life. I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Plus I have a dog to cuddle with and a great vibrator. So to knock my socks off at this point isn’t easy.
I met a man online recently who excited me enough to curl my hair and leave the house in make-up to meet him. We spoke on the phone for 4 hours straight 2 days in a row before meeting face to face. When I saw his beautiful big blue eyes in real time there was an instant spark.
We didn’t leave each other’s side for 3 weeks straight. We talked about our life goals, dreams, and we even talked about getting a place together. Everything lined up. We decided to be exclusive and agreed that this was something special.
I thought I had met the Ice-T to my Coco. My friends thought I was crazy. We’ve all heard the stories. Two people meet when they’re least expecting it and boom! They’re together for life. It could happen to anyone. And I thought it was happening to me.
He didn’t fit the pattern of the emotionally unavailable, douchey turd bags I’ve dated in the past. First of all, he was a full-blown, no-holds-barred gainfully employed tech nerd with no spray tan and no metrosexual tendencies. He grew up on a farm in the Midwest and didn’t relate to the absurdity of Hollywood. Secondly, he was single and not married pretending to be single. And thirdly, he was straightforward, kind, generous, loving, chivalrous, and funny. He insisted on open, honest communication. He was even tall. Finding a tall employed man with values in Los Angeles is like finding a unicorn.
Things were going great. I had a spring in my step and a sparkle in my eye. Friends were happy that I was finally getting some good D from a nice guy with a good heart. I introduced him to my dog and she literally followed him into the shower and licked the tub when he got out. Then one day, out of the blue, things got weird.
I hate it when things get weird. But sadly, I’m also used to it. That moment when you don’t know what is about to happen but you know it will make you cry. Or feel sad. Or lose what you’ve been enjoying so much. A nauseous fearful feeling takes over your body. That moment when you know you are about to get really hurt by someone else. Yep. It was about to happen to me.
Suddenly, he seemed less interested, impatient, and distant. He stopped replying to text messages right away, stopped taking the initiative to call me, and his tone of voice changed when we spoke on the phone. Because I don’t like unspoken weirdness, I asked him what was up. He assured me everything was fine on his end.
A couple of days after I noticed this change in his energy, he dropped a bomb in my morning orange juice. He said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and that our exclusivity is off the table. Why? Because I need to focus on work and you’re a distraction from it. I really didn’t want to cry so I held it in. Um, yeah that’s so dumb to even try to do and it doesn’t work. It actually makes crying worse because rather than drizzling tears you actually burst and pour. And that’s what I did. I really didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought I could balance everything. Blah blah blah…
Men consistently say they don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings but they do it in ways that seem so ridiculous, uncaring, and avoidable. Many men project that having a relationship is a bad thing – that all women are a hassle or take up too much time because they have been in relationships with unhealthy women in the past. It’s not fair to those of us who are healthy, self-sufficient, independent, creative, and understanding. I’m not your ex-girlfriend or your ex-wife. My intention in partnership is to both thrive and be more successful together than we are apart. Not to weigh anyone down. Myself included.
How does someone go from full speed ahead to a screeching halt like that? If he had told me in the beginning that he isn’t looking for a relationship I would not have gone out with him.
My hunch is that he is avoiding the exact thing he actually wants and needs with some strange excuse about work and about his inability to focus.
There’s no perfect time for anything in life. If you want something badly enough and are capable of embracing it, you will make it happen and balance your responsibilities regardless of obstacles. Clearly, he didn’t want to make the effort.
I’m moving on. Quickly. I’ve already spoken with two ex-boyfriends who told me it’s his loss. And Doin Me is on replay in my car. I’m back to the dating grind. I already cancelled a date with a guy who sent me a dick pick before we met in person. And I’m back online full force communicating with other morons looking for that needle in a haystack. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of Gods children but some are idiots. Sorry, God.
I guess I was under the wrong impression that if a guy is nerdy looking, doesn’t kiss on the second date, and drinks O’Douls that things won’t get weird. I should have known when he brought his silverware disinfectant to dinner that something weird would happen. Note to self: add that to the list of dating red flags.
If you want to follow me on Insta I’m @therealamandaleigh. On Facebook I’m www.facebook/therealamandaleigh. I’m working on being more narcissistic so hopefully my lack of selfies won’t bore you.