Hi Alexi, I want to share a story with you and also let you know how your blog has changed me.
I’ve been seeing this boy, sort of for a while. He’s super sweet, he gets my cultural references, he’s got a giant penis and knows how to use it. He says sweet things to me, shares, makes sure I always get home safely. He’s bearded, tall, well-dressed and intelligent. He’s a dreamboat, in my honest opinion and I hate most men, so I don’t use that term very liberally.
The only catch is that he has a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Last weekend, while we were in the middle of a cuddle/movie sesh and his ex phones. He goes in the other room, yet her drunk dialing continues. He finally turned off his phone and explained how she’s a drunk, crazy bitch and they broke up from a long-term relationship a few months ago and have “joint custody” of the animals that live in his house. Whatever, right? We all have one crazy ex, or at least, I know I do.
So last night, he invited me over. We went for coffee and then ventured to his house. I met some of him and his roommate’s friends who seemed pretty sweet. They left at about 2am. We had plans to make tea and go to bed when there comes a knock on the door.
If you’ve ever watched 90210 (the new one), you’ll remember Jen, Naomi Clark’s sister. Well, this is the voice I heard as the door opened (it was unlocked). This 100lb redhead walks in, holier-than-thou going on about how she’s half-cut, offers us wine and sits down to explain how she’s had such a terrible night with the guy she’s seeing and was in the neighbourhood, so she thought she’d just invite herself over at 3am to vent.
I knew this was the ex, just from the vibe.
I snuck outside to have a cigarette and phone my best friend to explain the situation to her. Just after we ended our conversation, boy comes out. He apologizes for the interruption of his ex girlfriend and explains that she’s a little bit of a crazy bitch when inebriated. I explained to him that I’d like to go to bed soon and asked when she was leaving. He then explained to me that apparently, she had nowhere else to go so she had to crash. I said, “Weird, but fine.” Then he interrupted, by explaining that I would have to sleep alone on the couch while they slept in his bedroom.
I thought about it for a minute. I was enraged. I reverted back to my teenage self and tried to brush it off like I didn’t care, like it was fine. But tears welled up in my eyes. I was silver-medal compared to this bitch. I was second best. I quickly and maturely explained to him that that wasn’t fair. She should leave or at least sleep on the couch. I was there first. Yet, his back bone seemed to diminish as he explained to me that “things were still complicated and they were still sleeping together.” I explained that although we weren’t serious and we were just getting to know each other, it didn’t matter. Whomever he was sleeping with or seeing other than me doesn’t have to have anything to do with me.
I felt sixteen again. Trapped. Rejected. I literally texted 18 people in five minutes desperately, looking for a place to stay, looking for help.
If he had been at my house that night and one of my exes or friends with benefits or dudes I was seeing showed up, I would promptly tell them I was busy and to leave after questioning why they thought it was appropriate to show up at my home unannounced, half cut at 3am.
After this discussion, I explained to him that I would be selling myself short to sleep on the couch alone while he slept with his ex in his bedroom to “figure out” whatever needed to be figured out. I asked him not to feed me bullshit, and he continued to explain how complicated the situation was, how he’s enjoying getting to know me, how beautiful and perfect I am and how he gets excited every time he sees me, yet is not committed enough to have a relationship with me.
I never asked for a relationship.
All I asked is to have passionate sex in his bedroom, drink tea, talk about the world and cuddle, like we usually do.
By this point, his bones had turned to jelly. I was leaving, this bitch was here to stay. You could see the satisfaction in her drunken face that I was leaving. She knew she had the upper-hand. In my rage, I almost wanted to take out my earrings and tell her what a stupid bitch she was, but alas, I’m more refined than that.
He offered to pay for a cab so that I could go home. The ex lives six blocks away, while I live across town and he spent 5x the amount it would have cost to get her home, so that I could leave. He paid for me to leave so that he could spend the night with his ex.
As soon as I got home, I burst into tears.
Now today, his roommate has been talking to me, telling me how sorry he is that he wasn’t awake to drive me home, telling me how right I was for leaving. The boy has also been texting me, apologizing for the asshole move he made, saying that he enjoys me, but things are still oh-so complicated between him and his ex. He wants to take me for coffee, lunch, movies, dinner, anything and wants me to forgive him.
I don’t know that I’ll never forgive him. But I don’t know if he’s worth my time after last night. I went from being a giddy school girl to being an anxious mess in literally two minutes because of this woman who means nothing to me.
But, I know if I would have stayed on that couch, I would have felt worse today. The teenage me may have, just to avoid drama. I would have put a smile on my face and just dealt with how shitty I felt and maybe cried myself to sleep knowing I was not the one that night. But instead, I grew a backbone and with class, told him that what he was doing was incredibly shitty, but that I wasn’t going to argue about it any longer.
I don’t know what’ll happen with this boy. Before this, he seemed perfect. While watching movies, I could feel his glance at me and see a smirk from the corner of my eye. When he runs his fingers down my back after we have sex, I shiver. When he tells me about his interests and goals, I’m interested, as he is when I talk about mine.
Despite all that, I’m capable of so much and worth so much more than the couch and I know that and I think realizing that is a part of growing up. It’s funny how in moments of rejection, self-doubt and confidence blows, you find small bits of pride in yourself. I was the better person. I didn’t yell, I didn’t scream, I didn’t tell him that I hated him. I just explained how I felt and how what he was doing was wrong and left with class. I never would have done this four or five years ago.
Thank-you for showing women everywhere that they are empowered and in control, even when everything around them is out of control.
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By: boycrazy on December 26, 2011
Tags: make it yours mondays, reader submission
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