1. if you’re too embarrassed to tell your therapist what’s going on in your life… it’s time to SLOW DOWN and reevaluate your choices.

2. it makes me soooo happy when my life seems to follow the same path Starbucks decided to build in. #yay

3. just because he’s in a band doesn’t mean he’s cool.

4. I wonder how much money I would make if I got one of those ‘square’ devices and charged people to see my boobs.

5. I feel the same way about face-book’s timeline as i did about Felicity’s haircut: sometimes change ISN’T for the better!

6. break up! you’re miserable. you’ll thank me later!

7. Sometimes something as simple as a calf stretch can change everything!!!

8. Remember flash mobs? Yeah, me neither.

9. I mean, essentially, fruit flavored mentos are just really big pastel skittles.

10. Ugh, you DON’T have Thai iced tea?! I THOUGHT this was a sushi restaurant!!! Gawd!

ps: 

let me speak at YOUR high school! you WON’T regret it… but the faculty might…

By: boycrazy on May 11, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
11 Comments »

1. sometimes who you don’t sleep with is even more important than who you DO sleep with.

2. one of the worst things about the iPhone is when you’re about to take a photo and you turn on the camera and the camera’s facing you and you see yourself from an angle that makes you cringe! an angle you’ve never seen before, didn’t even know existed, and makes you want to die!

3. remember how it was all about coconut water, and then it wasn’t. Well it’s all about coconut water again! I know. Me too.

4. before you start questioning your self-worth because a guy isn’t texting or calling you like your ego would like him to… decide if you even like HIM! cuz chances are, you might not even like him anyway.

5. dear dudes, a random text at two in the morning that says “so when are we making out?” doesn’t do it for me or any other girls with self-respect, who are worth dating. but, then again, you probably have no interest in actually dating… so come on over! sorry i overreacted.

6. do something that scares you every day!

7. when referring to yourself as someone who wants to do something/achieve something: it’s ‘aspiring’ not ‘inspiring’. but i’d rather you didn’t refer to yourself as being an ‘aspiring’ anything… cuz it just makes you sound like a loser who will never actually achieve whatever bullshit it is you aspire to achieve to begin with. good talk.

8. referring to your stomach as your ‘tummy tum’ is adorable, and totally NOT annoying.

9. hey, asshole: wait till people come out of the elevator or train before you go in!

10. I don’t believe in bumper stickers! And neither should you.

By: boycrazy on May 4, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
11 Comments »

1. Men love it when you tell them they have great calves. Trust me.

2. Dear Starbucks employee, I know you don’t care, but could you please not touch the part where I put my mouth with your dirty bare finger? xo, me

3. I know it makes you feel better to say ‘oh, she’s just jealous’ but sometimes people just don’t like you cuz you’re annoying and a horrible person.

4. every time I choose NOT to use a filter on a photo of my face before i instagram it… I feel a little bit better than everybody else.

5. Sometimes I fee like Emoji’s are totally condescending! Am I alone in this?

6. Fashion week in New York is to modelizers what Coachella in California is to groupies.

7. Wait, what? YOUR ringtone is marimba? No way! MY ringtone is marimba!

8. Dudes, girls don’t want to date you if you have a roommate. Especially if that roommate is your girlfriend.

9. I know what you’re thinking “Relax Alexi, it’s JUST Baja Fresh.” But man, when they get it right, they get it RIGHT!

10. You know a woman THINKS she’s really beautiful, when she’s ALWAYS late.

PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

By: boycrazy on April 13, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
11 Comments »

1. This week it’s all about having lots of fascinating, cool, interesting male friends. it’s so much chicer to have lots of guy friends than to be locked down by a boyfriend!

2. Just because he’s famous doesn’t mean you have to be attracted to him!

3. What’s better: a Band-Aid on your face or a pimple? Because I’m leaning towards Band-Aid.

4. But don’t wear a band-aide on your face too often. You don’t want to start being referred to as ‘the Band-Aid face girl’: “so I heard you went out with band-aide face last night. How was that?”

5. One of the most wonderful simple pleasures/joys in life, is when you’re driving your car and listening to music and you see somebody walking down the street to the same beat as the music you’re listening to.

6. You know your friend’s disgusting when they’re more excited about peeling off a biore nose strip than anything else.

7. When a BOY says ‘I’ll call you tomorrow’, he texts you tomorrow. when a MAN says ‘i’ll call you tomorrow’, he calls you tomorrow.

8. Don’t shine a spotlight on things you don’t want people to notice. Stop talking about shit you don’t want people to pay attention to!

9. Instead if thinking ‘ugh, i always wear the same thing!’ or ‘i always wear the same nail polish. People will think I’m boring/poor/safe.’ start referring to things as your ‘signature look’! it turns a rut into something chic and cool!

10. Bras in the dryer? Are you fucking kidding me?

PS: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy 

PPS: i’ll be speaking tonight Tuesday, April 3rd at 8:30pm at ASU (ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY) - Tempe Campus. I’ll be at Cholla Apartments in the E-Lounge. Park in the Rural Road parking structure, it’s free after 7pm, and cross the street to Cholla Apartments- the apartments with the Maroon & Gold shades just north of Dutch Brothers on Rural!

Spread the word!! Post any questions on the Facebook page!

By: boycrazy on April 3, 2012
Tags: photo by juergen teller, the blind leading the blind
2 Comments »

1. forever 21 should start carding.

2. the all girl hipster version of the band ‘slipknot’ would be called ‘sloppy topknot’.

3. you know what’s NOT ‘amazeballs’? the word ‘amazeballs’.

4. every once in a while you should go to the gap. But only once a while.

5. it’s easy to say ‘i love you’ when you don’t mean it.

6. as a single woman, you reach a certain point where you start thinking ‘is this the point where i decide to get a cat?’ i refuse to reach that point.

7. …however, if cats gave massages and manicures, i would totally get one.

8. ‘friend of a famous person’ is not a job title.

9. don’t ever say ‘food always tastes better when you’re eating alone’ out loud! girls: this’ll make you sound like a binge eating/secret eater/Cathy comic. and guys: this will make you seem like a creepy/tubby/sweaty/pot smoking/chronic masturbator…. even though it’s true! i mean, let’s face it: eating alone’s the BEST/WAY BETTER!

10. I don’t care what everyone else says about you. I like you!

ps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy 

By: boycrazy on March 19, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
11 Comments »

1. when you order delivery just for you and the restaurant brings your food with two sets of utensils… it’s time to start ordering less food.

2. there are so many invisible variables when it comes to a relationship. so much of it can be great, but all it takes is that subtle x factor that isn’t right (that you can’t quiet put your finger on) that can ruin it/make it crumble/make it not right.

3. town cars are soooo much chic’er than limos. trust.

4. girls: please don’t refer to yourself as a ‘slut’! let other people do that for you… behind your back.

5. I wonder if the delivery guy from the restaurant I’ve been ordering from a TON recently is having sexual fantasies about me now too.

6. if you’re at the point where when you tell your friends you’re having a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend and they respond ‘what is it NOW?’ it MAY be time to reevaluate your relationship.

7. an expired condom is better than NO condom.

8. sloppy chic bangs make you look younger because only a youthful idiot would cut their own bangs.

9. sex with someone new, who you’re excited about, is filled with infinite possibilities. whereas sex with an ex is just sad and will more likely than not leave you lonelier than you were before.

10. just because I’ll love you forever doesn’t mean I want to be with you now.

ps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

By: boycrazy on March 8, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
8 Comments »

1. if you read inspirational/self-help quotes like “don’t take no for an answer” and “never let anyone tell you you can’t do what you want” in the narrative voice of a rapist, it really changes everything.

2. dear future me: I will never get married. but I WILL throw many parties, have tons of friends, and fall crazy hard in love as many times as possible, for as long as possible.

3. i know i’m supposed to LOVE it, but i REFUSE to use the word “ADORKABLE”.

4. if it doesn’t look good on the model, it’s not gonna look good on you.

5. just say ‘no’ to sweatpants. always.

6. just say ‘no’ to married men. always.

7. there is nothing less masculine than camping out in front of a street wear store to be the first in line to get limited edition sneakers. #clitoralhardoff

8. i love a man in a suit… until I find out he works for the church.

9. i wonder if i’ll ever NOT want to cringe when i hear white people say ‘swagger’.

10. please don’t ask me if i want to talk to the person you’re standing next to while you’re on the phone with me! i thought you were my friend! i barely have the energy to speak to you. of COURSE i don’t want to talk to the person you’re with! fuck!

By: boycrazy on February 16, 2012
Tags: the blind leading the blind
5 Comments »

1. never text your boyfriend/or ANYONE for that matter, that you got home safe while you’re walking from your car to your house. Wait till you ACTUALLY get safely inside.

2.one of my favorite weird moments during a make-out sesh is the classic: ‘what are you thinking about?’ ‘Nothing. What are YOU thinking about?’ ‘Nothing.’ (Silence; as both minds continue to reel. Kissing resumes.)

3. don’t ignore all the good stuff and only zero in on the assholes and shit talkers. Rise above. Like that song by candy from real housewives of atlanta.

4. is thinking in terms of ‘forever’ detrimenral to a relationship… or romantic?

5. no one ever says, i wanna be a junkie when i grow up. except for those annoying kids at school who are like all crying out for attention and want to sound all dangerous and badass or whatevs. you know, like all my ex boyfriends!

6. no one ever says, ‘when i grow up, i wanna be an american apparel model.’ who am i kidding?! of course they do! they shouldnt, but they do!

7. just like you shouldn’t refer to something that’s lame as ‘gay’ you shouldnt refer to someone you think is weak as ‘a pussy’. It’s insulting to women. i mean, that’s what some girl e-mailed me… but i’ll probably keep calling people pussies for at least six more months.

8.  balloon animals are sooooo phallic! Keep them away from your kidz you weirdo creeps!

9. most of the time people are so annoying that it’s weird when I actually sit down next to people at a cafe or wherevs, overhear their conversation, and instead of cringing, think ‘these people are ok. if i wasn’t at friend capacity, I might almost like them enough to consider being friends. almost.’

10. I’m sorry, I tried, but I don’t believe in wearing full coverage undies when wearing jeans. I only wear tight jeans, and full coverage undies would show, thus creating visible panty lines. so, ALWAYS wear thongs/g-strings/whatever you wanna call them, when wearing pants or leggings. BUT always have a super sexy pair of red or black or blush colored normal/low rider/hipster/ proper non thong undies in your purse to change into at the drop of a hat in case you end up in someone’s bedroom rolling around topless and intertwined.

PS: Watch me get strangled by aubrey plaza in a blanket of pink mist…

pps: tweet @FATHERJOHNMISTY and ask him who this song was inspired by…

ppps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy 

pppps: i love you

By: boycrazy on February 3, 2012
Tags: aubrey plaza, father john, Fleet Foxes, Josh Tillman, the blind leading the blind, videos
17 Comments »

1. men don’t like being told what to do or how to be. So find the man you have to do that LEAST with

2. sometimes you just have to rip it off like a band-aide and do something that’s sad but ultimately the best thing for your life/needs/overall happiness.

3. I hate how dogs always know you’re having your period.. and that you hate dogs.

4. 2012 is all about bold splashes of color on your face. By that, I mean red lipstick… not infected sperm.

5. sometimes all you wanna hear are beautiful things… Even if they’re all lies.

6. you’re not allowed to make fun of people for things that they were born with/can’t change. However, when it comes to bad choices they make while living their life… go right ahead and make fun of them all you want!

7. ear plugs are very oc. 2012 is all about shrinking, and ultimately closing up your plugs.

8. please don’t ride a motorcycle.

9. but I don’t WANT to be ‘linked in’.

10. you can’t take advice from people you don’t respect/or whose lifestyle choices you don’t agree with. but isn’t funny how ok these people are about doling out advice?

By: boycrazy on January 31, 2012
Tags: photo by juergen teller, the blind leading the blind
14 Comments »

1. sometimes when your sarcasm is so advanced, people actually think you’re stupid. this happens to me ALL the time.

2. sometimes ‘buffering’ is god trying to tell you not to watch that mob wives clip on YouTube. but sometimes you have to be like ‘fuck off god.’ and press play.

3. always be a LITTLE bit fat, so the baby fat in your face gives you a youthful edge!

4. you can banter, be friends with, and let the charismatic kooky guy entertain you, but NEVER choose him over the guy who loves you, would do anything for you, and who actually makes you feel safe. one is a figment of your imagination, who will lose interest in you in a heartbeat. and the other is the real thing.

5. don’t let the progression of the year STOP you from saying the best bullshit banter opener ever:  ’happy new year!’

6. sitting next to someone while they play you a song they think you should totally hear, is always so awkward! what are you supposed to do? just sit there? look at the device the music is coming out of? bop? tap your foot? look at your lap? all of the above? it’s just too much! or maybe i’m just over thinking it. either way, i prefer listening to music alone in my car.

7.  if a dude asks you if you i-chat, it means he wants to fuck you. your dad included.

8. ”If you want to do anything right, you have to put your heart and soul into it. There are always challenges, and you have to be prepared to go to the wall and be on your knees to get something done correctly, so if you don’t love something then it’s just going to feel like a form of torture with no reward. Love your work and no sacrifice will be too big or too small. My other advice is: if you want the job done right, do it yourself. Sorry to use that tired old cliché, but it is true.” – Madonna

9. always clear your computer history. even if you AREN’T up to no good.

10. try your hardest not to unnecessarily complicate your life: with people, with habits, with bad choices in general.

By: boycrazy on January 17, 2012
Tags: photo by juergen teller, the blind leading the blind
17 Comments »