1. don’t leave something at a guys house as a ploy to get him to call you or so you have an excuse to call him. let him call you because he wants to! in the meantime, stay busy.

2. it’s better to stay home and get much needed rest, rather than be seen in public looking like a haggard piece of shit who’s chasing the party. FYI: I’m reading this aloud while I look at myself in the mirror.

3. in relationships: compromise breeds resentment. but so can no compromise whatsoever. good luck!

4. girls: before a night out/sexy time rendezvous, ALWAYS make sure you don’t have any rogue black hairs growing out of your boobs. you’re welcome.

5. a gentleman never asks, and a woman never tells. this goes for topics like age and number of sexual partners.

6. you know you REALLY love someone/care about them when you keep their secrets, even though it kills you… cuz the perfect opportunities to bring up the secret tidbit keep popping up and would only enhance said conversation and blow peoples minds! But sometimes biting your tongue and holding back, being cool and having discretion trumps blowing peoples minds. you can blow your own mind by showing/proving to yourself that you can actually keep a goddamn secret and keep your fucking mouth shut!

7. don’t be so super critical of who you love. just trust your gut! stop being so judgmental about the dude you choose! it’s about how you FEEL! i mean geeze, as long as he has a car, money, good style, a nice body, a great relationship with his mom, is funny, ambitious, and treats you with respect… you’re good to go. so date freely and stop over-thinking!

8. shorter nails provide optimal texting capability! this seems trivial, i know. but sometimes we just need a reminder of the little things. i mean, god is in the details, riiiiiiight?

9. when on the precipice  or even in the midst of a fling, make-out, hang sesh, hookup- sometimes you have to ask yourself: what is the goal? is it love, or just an experience? It’s important to know how you feel, what you want, what you’re getting yourself into, and how hurt  you could get. and then throw all that out the window and just go with the flow.

10. in spite of it ALL, people still fall in love. phew.

By: boycrazy on April 28, 2011
Tags: the blind leading the blind
25 Comments »

1. start ONLY referring to Los Angeles as ‘tinseltown’.

2. if you can’t afford to tip, don’t bother going out. Do it right or don’t do it at all.

3. boys: wake your girlfriend up by going down on her. She’ll LOVE it… even if she doesn’t love YOU!

4. girls: when preparing for an epic sexy-time rendezvous, always make sure your sexual lounging attire IE: slips, onesies, silk robes, and/or bra and panty sets are clean and clear of any semen from previous suitors. It could really kill the mood.

5. don’t forget: you’re dying! there’s no time to waste. do as much as you can!

6. there’s nothing sexier than a guy WITHOUT a facebook page.

7. if you bite your toenails, don’t wear open toed shoes. Wait, hold up… you bite your toenails?

8. wake up everyday and do at LEAST one thing that will get you closer to your goal/making your dreams come true.

9. stop asking/don’t ask people to see your play, stand-up or one woman show! It’s totes embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone! If you’re really my friend, then why are you making me do this?!

10. always remember to look up at the sky, the clouds, the moon,  the stars! then text a cute boy in another state or someone who might even live in the same city as you to ‘look at the moon.’ it’s UUBER romantic!

By: boycrazy on April 12, 2011
Tags: the blind leading the blind
40 Comments »

1. Girls: get rid of the subliminal pressure society has ingrained in you since before you were born. If you NEVER have kids or get married, you are not a failure. Figure out what you want in life/what kind of woman you wanna be/ what your dreams and aspirations are, and then: make them happen. If having kids and marriage are things on the list, great. If not, great. Make peace with yourself. Also: know that what you want for yourself might totally morph and change, which is fine. There’s no ONE way to be or live life. Just don’t give up and be a quitter and PRETEND you’re happy.

2. Contrary to what has been deeply ingrained in my subconscious because of my upbringing, I’m learning that men have feelings. Especially the ones I end up attracting.

3. Live your life or document it? Sometimes you have to make a choice and say to yourself ‘No! I’m not gonna twitpic e’erything I see!’ I know it’s hard. But be strong.

4. So, a guy you DO NOT want to be with, who used to love you doesn’t love you anymore. Perfect! Unless you’re a fucked up asshole, and his FINALLY being over you hurts your ego/pride. If you’re not in love with a guy who used to love you, don’t be annoyed he doesn’t love you anymore and then go out of your way to manipulate him into loving you again. You already broke his heart once! And you don’t even want him! What’s your deal?! Stop it!

5. Eating bread is not gonna kill you. NO! NOT at ALL… it’s just gonna make you really FAT.

6. JK JK! It’s totally OK to eat bread from time to time. Just don’t eat an entire pizza by yourself, even if it is vegan pizza night at m cafe! Unless you JUST ran into TWO of your ex boyfriends on the same day and you’re feeling especially emo/fragile/and shaken by it all and ‘love’ in general; Wondering where it all went wrong, how ephemeral love can be, who the REAL/NEXT love of your life is gonna be and ultimately who you’re gonna end up with/who’s right for you. With questions like ‘Where is he?’ ‘Who is he?’ and ‘Have I met him yet?’ flying through your mind. PS: I am not talking about myself. Except I am. Shhhhhhh.

7. Sometimes the most toxic people, who make you feel horrible, and who should be cut out of your life are your parents. They’re just harder to detect, cuz they’re hiding under an umbrella called ‘family.’ Don’t. Be. Fooled. If they’re toxic… CUT THEM OUT!

8. When you don’t return phone calls or a text, even though you’ve literally done nothing, you’re still making an important statement to the person you’re ignoring. Whether you mean it or not, it screams: ‘Fuck you. You are not a priority in my life.’ Just letting you know.

9. It’s much cooler/chic’er/classier/better to sport a simple canvas tote bag as opposed to some knockoff of a designer bag (i.e Chanel, Proenza Schouler, etc) Even if it’s way cheap, expensive, or a good fake and others might NOT be able to tell the difference, YOU’LL always know. And that’s enough.

10. It’s TOTALLY OK to complain about banal, first world/white girl problems as long as you tack on the obligatory:  “I mean, I know people are dying in (insert country/tragedy here), but I’m really annoyed they put onions on my hamburger! I specifically said ‘NO ONIONS!’ Ugh!” to erase your guilt, and seem as if you aren’t as shallow as you are. It’s called covering your ass. Do it! I know you want to!

By: boycrazy on March 29, 2011
Tags: the blind leading the blind
36 Comments »

1. ONLY buy NONSTOP flights!

2. the main goal/purpose of every setting you take your date to, is to make your date wanna get naked. so plan accordingly dudes!

3. stop being so proud of everything you DON’T do. OK, you don’t have a twitter account, you aren’t on facebook, you don’t have a tv… we get it! but get off your high horse already!

4. don’t bring your fucking cell phone into a spa sauna! It’s rude and it makes people feel unsettled and way vulnerable! those devices have photo and video capability you selfish, inconsiderate monster! how dare you!

5. always be mindful of the possibility of your vagina bump showing. if it’s showing, cover it. if it’s not..hey, at least you were mindful of it. phew!

6. getting brunch on a Sunday after having sex with your boyfriend will ONLY make you feel chic, hip, and metropolitan!

7. ordering mint tea and a salad will ONLY add to how chic you feel!

8. if a boy is attracted to you, he will find you. YOU need not chase HIM.

9. ONLY wear cashmere sweaters.

10. its great to feel STRONGLY about things, but sometimes you have to REEE-LAAAAAX!

By: boycrazy on February 7, 2011
Tags: the blind leading the blind
33 Comments »

inspired by long haired boys and 2011:

1. negging is sooo 2008. women are way too smart to fall for that shizzy nonsense anymore. We’ve evolved. we just don’t have the time. and some of us even like ourselves.

2. sincerity is the new irony. i mean it.

3. 2011 is all about ‘bro-labs’ or ‘collabros’. the term ‘collaboration’ is out! we’re sick of it! and you should be too!

4. start using the word ‘jabroni’ instead of ‘bro’, ‘douchbag’, or ‘dickhead’. and feel free to spice it up by adding the word ‘face’! example: ‘what’s up jabroni face?!’ OR the simplified: ‘fuck you jabroni!’

5. date boys younger than you. they can handle it. i think. maybe. well, just try… and then see how you feel.

6. start saying: ‘who are you wearing?’ it’s so much more fun then the usual ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘how are you feeling?’ BORING! 2011′s ALL about spicing it up! and NOT being a predictable patty! (and if you’re already saying that, start saying it more!)

7. emoticons are IN! don’t be scared of them! they are NOT dorky. do what you feel! or more specifically, show what you feel…with emoticons!

8. in addition to the ‘emoticon madness’ I’m advocating, use these guys as freely as possible too: ‘!!!!!’ i think they’called ‘exclamation points’ or something dumb like that! weeeee!!!!

9. do you, imma do me.

10. only date beautiful long haired dudes.

By: boycrazy on January 28, 2011
Tags: the blind leading the blind
53 Comments »

1. always use your best photo as your default pic! default pics are NOT the place to be fucking around! this goes for facebook, ok cupid, myspace, twitter, whatves! wherever the phrase ‘default pic’ applies!

2. you can always tell when you like a guy, cuz you’re constantly mad at him.

3. always be the last person to board a flight.

4. i’m shocked by how many grown-ups I see scolding their kids for not covering their mouths when they cough, who don’t cover their own goddamn mouths when they cough!

5. ALWAYS look at/pay attention to what you’re eating! You never know who made the weird chicken wrap you’re buying at the airport. They could be some sick, vindictive, monster who’s having a bad day (even though, I’m guessing every day is a bad day for a sick vindictive monster, but you get my point!) Who knows what they did to your food?! They have nothing to lose! NOTHING!

6. most of the time it’s good not to let someone change you. but sometimes we meet people because the change they’ll inspire in us is exactly what we need.

7. i don’t care if you’re not in high school anymore and you’re a full blown adult grown up! Cutting in line is never allowed! No cuts!

8. don’t tell the dude you like that you googled him and his ex gf and looked at old photos of them cuddling/living their life. i know you think sharing all of you’re idiosyncrasies with him will bring you closer and you think you’re adorable. But some things are better left unsaid.

9. when you’re walking through an airplane aisle, don’t grab every head rest you pass to help hoist you through/aide you along your journey to the bathroom, you oblivious buffoon! you’re disrupting every person who has a resting head!

10. wait a minute, wait a minute! let me get this straight… of all the checkout lines at whole foods, he chose YOURS?! this is TOTALLY not a coincidence! The dude wants to SEXXX you!

By: boycrazy on December 2, 2010
Tags: the blind leading the blind
21 Comments »

1. is no one scared of getting aids anymore? that’s what it fucking feels like! cuz everywhere I turn people are fucking without condoms. Jesus fucking Christ!

2. is no one scared of crashing their cars anymore? that’s what it fucking feels like! cuz everywhere I turn people are gabbing and or texting while they drive. Jesus fucking Christ!

3. they say, and by ‘they’ I mean my therapist, ‘you attract people who mirror where you’re at in you’re life’. in some way, the people you meet are reflecting you….. somehow.

4. always buy the ‘explicit’ version of the song on i tunes! It’s what the artist truly intended you hear!

5. if you make your dreams come true, and are successful, and self sufficient on your own terms- you can prevent and protect yourself from EVER marrying/dating/or relying on a GUY to take care of you! Do it!

6. you can do something nice, feel good about it, and keep it to yourself. OR you can do something nice and tell everyone you cross paths with about it and keep feeling good about it all day!

7. always make sure you don’t have toilet paper stuck to your shoe. on the embarrassing scale, this comes in second to bleeding through your pants.

8. if a person leaves their relationship for another relationship, and it works out forever- then it was meant to be! If it doesn’t work out- fuck you, people can do whatever they like! stop being so judgemental! At least they tried! mind your own fucking business and live your OWN life!

9. people say ‘look at the bigger picture’, but they also say ‘life is in the details’. well make up your fucking mind! personally, I look at both. But i mainly get caught up in the details.

10. dear m cafe! Dude bros, you know I love you- but sometimes your chopstix smell weird which ruins my entire dining experience. Yes, technically I could eat my soba noodles with a fork- but that is just not my preference. Also, it totally hurts my attempt to reference/channel Molly Ringwald in ‘the breakfast club’. And yes, I’m fully aware that this is a high class problem- but it’s still a problem. My problem. and it’s all relative yo.

ps:  check out diddy doing his own version of ‘the blind leading the blind’, only- he’s not so blind. fuck i love diddy!

pps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy

By: boycrazy on November 16, 2010
Tags: the blind leading the blind
22 Comments »

1. ‘power-bar’ is a fancy word for ‘candy-bar’.

2. people on facebook with no actual photos of themselves are creepy. Avoid them at all costs. they’re most likely fat, bald, child molesters, who are jerking off 24/7!

3. if you and your crush share at least 15 mutual facebook friends, it’s totally meant to be.

4. if you don’t have a photo of your girlfriend or boyfriend in your phone, you’re not in love, the relationship is a sham! Case closed!

5. if you meet a guy and IMMEDIATLY get your period, it means you’re soul mates.

6. if the best thing about the end of a movie is checking how many texts, calls, and emails you missed while you were watching….the movie wasn’t very good!

7. hey, lazy skag! when you pull out your tampon, please make sure blood hasn’t sprayed all over the inside rim of the toilet bowel! why do i even have to tell you this shit?! this is common sense! Jesus Christ! please be aware of the mess you don’t think you’re making…… and clean it up you skank!

8. there’s nothing sadder than a hot dude in BAD shoes!

9. running in public is for assholes.

10. making yourself cum right before a business phone call will ALWAYS/ONLY/TOTALLY relax you. (if you’re a tween, substitute ‘business phone call’ with ‘pop quiz’). trust me on this. i’m ONLY trying to make your life better.

PS: FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @imboycrazy

By: boycrazy on October 28, 2010
Tags: the blind leading the blind
29 Comments »

1. if you’re white and you sneeze or crinkle your nose when a non white person walks by, it means you’re racist. Even if you THINK you’re not, you totally are! It’s your sub conscious revealing the truth on a whole deeper level dude! How does it feel to be such a racist, racist? Not good I’d think! Not good at all! Douche!

2. it’s totally ok to live your life with the intention of impressing people. AS LONG as the first person you want/aim to impress is you!

3. always leave a message. UNLESS you’re a pussy. Then, only communicate via text, fb, and twitter.

4. there’s nothing less sexy than a cute guy at a bus stop: #clitoralhardoff.

5. dont say ‘gal’! It makes everyone around you feel like they’ve been punched in the stomach!

6. don’t refer to your husband as your ‘hubby’. It makes everyone around you feel disgusting!

7. just cuz someone asks you to hang out doesn’t mean you have to. It’s TOTALLY OK to say no! Really know that! Cuz it took me a while to figure this out/get used to it- cuz I always felt obligated and too shy to say no.

8. start waking up earlier you lazy fuck! Nicole Richie wakes up at 5am EVERY DAY! That’s mutherfuckin’ early yo, but she gets shizz done!

9. never trust a person who doesn’t LOVE the arclight.

10. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. don’t do it. time makes everything better. i swear!

By: boycrazy on October 19, 2010
Tags: the blind leading the blind
32 Comments »

1. grown women with unusually high baby voices have MOST likely been molested. Just something to be aware of/look out for!

2. LADIES! no cat-boxes in your apartment! It’s not a sexy look! Don’t let the smell of cat urine be your signature calling card/what you leave men thinking about as they exit your bedroom.

3. I’m pretty sure that pencil skirts were invented by murderers so women couldn’t run away from them.

4. there’s nothing sexier than a guy you used to date with a new girl.

5. if fat people are usually near food, and alcoholics are usually around booze- beware of preschool teachers, kindergarten teachers, and teachers in general.

6. there’s nothing LESS sexy than seeing a guy pose for head-shots.

7. don’t sit cross-legged on your bed in a shirt and no undies! Not only is it NOT a sexy look- but it means your heel is in direct contact with/totally rubbing up against your vadge hole! Gross!

8. I know shaving your knee caps is super hard ladies, but try to get all the hair there. It really makes a dif!

9. it’s always fun to pretend you’re talking for a dog or a baby! Trust me! Just try it. Hilarious EVERY time!

10. tagging someone in a super unflattering facebook photo is TOTALLY GROUNDS for them terminating your friendship. online AND in real life.

By: boycrazy on October 8, 2010
Tags: the blind leading the blind
36 Comments »