1. instagram etiquette is PRETTY simple: post no more than TWO photos back to back! otherwise you seem like a total asshole who thinks you’re SO GOOD! plus, you TOTALLY clog up the feed!
2. you know you’ve had a super fun, eventful night out on the town when you go to bed/sleep without taking off your makeup. i mean, you’ll regret it for sure… but you HAD TO! it was a WILD NIGHT!
3. it’s really easy to get stuck in your head. i know this first hand. so sometimes you have to remember certain things in order to put life in perspective. you have to reframe the world for yourself. here are some sentences that help me when i get stuck in my brain: “we’re all gonna die, it’s just a matter of when and how, so don’t be so concerned with what people think of you. this time here isn’t forever, so there’s no time to be so self-conscious or concerned about others liking/not liking you.”
4. just as sure as i am that your skin will look nicer after you’ve been sitting in the dark of a theatre for hours seeing a movie; Advil PM rots you from the inside out and makes your face look sleepy, grey, weathered, and old.
5. sometimes i look at who the coolest, most beautiful, intelligent, successful, famous, wealthy women are dating…. and i think: “THAT’s who they’re dating? I’m fucked!” the pool is small.
6. girls: working out together and then binge eating at a self-congratulatory/celebratory brunch afterwards negates the ENTIRE workout! this is why i don’t believe in exercise OR friends!
7. yes, we get it: texting is amazing. it provides everything: from self-worth, to the elimination of loneliness, to information about work, love, relationships, dating , friendship, etc…it’s so wonderful! I’m addicted to it too! but when you’re standing in the middle of an aisle at target, or blocking me from backing out of a parking spot- so enthralled in texting that you’re ruining or at least affecting other people’s lives in a negative way and you have a fucking smirk on your face cuz you’re so amused by the correspondence you’re having that it’s preventing you from seeing what’s going on in front of/around you… it makes you very unlikable. some might even want to punch you in the face for being so un self-aware and selfish. but not me. i’m way too zen. i’ll just vent about it via my blawg.
8. ask yourself this: are you truly open and wanting to fall in love and be in a relationship with the right person… OR are you just addicted to the search and the minute it gets too real you run in the opposite direction and make up a million excuses because real intimacy is not for you?
9. if the ONLY thing good about the guy you’re dating is that he takes his d**k out of your mouth BEFORE he ejaculates (which is the mark of a true gentleman in this day and age – unless you two are in a serious relationship) it’s time to start looking for a new guy.
10. have sex to these songs: