the blind leading the blind (part 35):
1. walking around your apartment naked is the new black.
2. i guess i got the rule WRONG! while it’s OK to leave a huge party without saying goodbyes; it’s apparently NOT cool to leave a party with less than seven people, without saying ‘goodbye’ or ‘thank you for having me’. so thanks for the lesson auntie Jasmin. you’re right! saying ‘goodbye’ does show that i have a heart and am a good person who’s respectful, loving, and thankful. you go girl. today i am a little bit better… thanks to you!
3. it’s TOTALLY an asshole move to give the ending of a movie away! no matter how obvious you think it is- it’s just rude/bad manners! i mean really! what the fuck are you trying to prove here? are you so devoid of happiness, you have to rob people of something as simple as an experience at the MOVIES?! it’s like you’re basically sucker punching me in the face- is what it is! for the love of god! don’t be SUCH a fucking cunty cunt cunt! yeah, you heard me cunty mcKunterson! take it!
4. the best time to pick a zit is the night before you’re gonna be in front of a camera! trust me!
5. treat yourself like you’re your own child. would you really let a little version of you go over to that hotel room and suck that dirty band dudes, self important/entitled- privates/dick/herpes factory? probably not… unless you’re a mean, murderer, molester, maniac, jerky jerk! let’s get real here: yeah, he’s famous and cute, BUT- you don’t even know him! and he sure as hell doesn’t know you! but you DO KNOW that he doesn’t and will NEVER care about you. you’d let your daughter do that? or would you protect her from the aftermath of such an empty experience? you think you’re so tough and it’s all in fun and for the experience; but, be nice to yourself. and if you can’t do it for you, imagine it’s for your own kid. this also goes for; being hard on yourself, having a constant negative internal dialogue about yourself, picking at your face and back, thinking you’re shit. what would you say to your child if he/she was beating himself up and their own worst enemy? hopefully you’d give them a hug, tell them to stop it, and that you love them. be the parent you never had.
6. house, curb your enthusiasm, modern family, entourage, and 30 rock are the best scripted shows on television right now. (the soup, real housewives of NYC, and the kardashians are fun too)
7. if late night with Conan O’Brien, Seinfeld, Beverly hills 90210, freaks and geeks, unscripted, sex and the city, the wonder years, felicity, friends, and my so called life were still around…. i would have said THEM too! or maybe i JUST DID!!!!
8. figure out what you love doing, what you want to do, what your dream life would be, and do it! imagine if you could make a living doing what you love! that’s the goal! i love you.
9. stop eating so much soy. it’s not as good for you as you might think. consider the fact that it might be BAD for you.
10. your friend is TOTALLY talking shit about you. don’t ask me how i know, i just know, OK!? fine…..they told me!
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