1. Being objectified won’t last forever… so enjoy it while you can!
2. When you eat pizza samples at the super market, it doesn’t count! It’s like it never happened!
3. One of the best things in the world is getting a knock on the door, and oh my goodness…it’s a delivery of beautiful flowers with a card attached that says “i love you. xx, your secret admirer”!!! even if you DID send them to yourself! a flower delivery’s a flower delivery! remember cher from clueless? you’re just like HER now!
4. Know for sure that you will never be satisfied with the lackluster job they do at your local car wash. Know it. Accept it. The minute your expectations of a job well done by people who could potentially be masters at what they do and actually take pride in their job are gone, your anxiety and disappointment will subside. Maybe.
5. Tinder is for losers. I know it hurts. I know you don’t want it to be true… but it’s TRUE.
6. On days when it’s a complete heat wave inferno; sometimes you just have to drink a beer by yourself, smoke pot when nobody’s looking, freak out internally – on your own, watch internet porn like you’ve never watched it before, & masturbate in the dark at 9:30 PM on a Saturday night. At least that’s what someone i know, who isn’t me, told me they did once.
7. Please don’t lose your childlike enthusiasm. It’s magical! Don’t let it go! The minute you do, you’re dead.
8. don’t text somebody if not getting a quick reply will hurt your ego and send you down an angry emotional spiral. people are busy and can’t always get back to you quickly. it’s not personal. be calm with your text expectations. one text. no double texts. press send, then continue on with your life. don’t sit around staring at your phone waiting for text bubbles to pop up from the person you’re obsessing over. get a life, relax, be cool.
9. there is only NOW.
10. girls, don’t put your own spit on your privates. if you’re prone to yeast or bacterial infections, this will only create more yeasty, bacterial drama for your privates. be safe, take care of yourself, and use the guys spit. at least that’s what my mom told ME! And I’ve never looked back!
LET’S BE FRIENDS!
PS: I FOUND THIS. IT INSPIRED ME. I LOVE KANYE.