the blind leading the blind (part 80):
1. never text your boyfriend/or ANYONE for that matter, that you got home safe while you’re walking from your car to your house. Wait till you ACTUALLY get safely inside.
2.one of my favorite weird moments during a make-out sesh is the classic: ‘what are you thinking about?’ ‘Nothing. What are YOU thinking about?’ ‘Nothing.’ (Silence; as both minds continue to reel. Kissing resumes.)
3. don’t ignore all the good stuff and only zero in on the assholes and shit talkers. Rise above. Like that song by candy from real housewives of atlanta.
4. is thinking in terms of ‘forever’ detrimenral to a relationship… or romantic?
5. no one ever says, i wanna be a junkie when i grow up. except for those annoying kids at school who are like all crying out for attention and want to sound all dangerous and badass or whatevs. you know, like all my ex boyfriends!
6. no one ever says, ‘when i grow up, i wanna be an american apparel model.’ who am i kidding?! of course they do! they shouldnt, but they do!
7. just like you shouldn’t refer to something that’s lame as ‘gay’ you shouldnt refer to someone you think is weak as ‘a pussy’. It’s insulting to women. i mean, that’s what some girl e-mailed me… but i’ll probably keep calling people pussies for at least six more months.
8. balloon animals are sooooo phallic! Keep them away from your kidz you weirdo creeps!
9. most of the time people are so annoying that it’s weird when I actually sit down next to people at a cafe or wherevs, overhear their conversation, and instead of cringing, think ‘these people are ok. if i wasn’t at friend capacity, I might almost like them enough to consider being friends. almost.’
10. I’m sorry, I tried, but I don’t believe in wearing full coverage undies when wearing jeans. I only wear tight jeans, and full coverage undies would show, thus creating visible panty lines. so, ALWAYS wear thongs/g-strings/whatever you wanna call them, when wearing pants or leggings. BUT always have a super sexy pair of red or black or blush colored normal/low rider/hipster/ proper non thong undies in your purse to change into at the drop of a hat in case you end up in someone’s bedroom rolling around topless and intertwined.
PS: Watch me get strangled by aubrey plaza in a blanket of pink mist…
pps: tweet @FATHERJOHNMISTY and ask him who this song was inspired by…
ppps: follow me on twitter @imboycrazy
pppps: i love you
