touching your privates:

I hate the word ‘masturbating’! It’s so clinical and unsexy! It’s the equivalent of how the word ‘splat’ makes you feel! So hard/harsh and in your face! Gross! I prefer to say ‘touch my privates’ or ‘touch myself’.


anywayzies, the other night, I was ‘touching myself’ and I don’t know about you, but for me, I can’t get off/orgasm/come from touching myself if I don’t have a FULLY realized plot/story/scenario going on in my minds eye! I have to have EVERY detail thought out; rooms, motivation, outfits, order in which clothes are taken off, from kisses- to being eaten out, being flipped over, serious eye contact, his hand holding my cheek- the one on my face thank you very much! you sick dirtbags! Jesus Christ! 

For a while I couldn’t come to the thought of being sexed by a dude. No, I came to the fantasies of booking jobs and career goals coming true! Is that sick or what?! I’m right out of a bret eastin ellis novel. Whoa, I don’t wanna get ahead of myself. Sorry bret. I just love your work! 

so the other night- for whatever reason, during a NON work related fantasy/masturbating myself session in the dark privacy of my room- it took me a while to take care of myself. but when I did FINALLY come, it was amazing! 

as I flung my head back, convulsing- my head hitting the pillow once- then back down again TWICE and FINALLY a THIRD time- the smile slowly fell from my face as I felt the onset of a horrible headache. Blood rushed to my head, but not in the good ‘I just made myself come’ way! 

It was SUPER scary! I TOTALLY freaked out! My life flashed before my eyes! ‘I popped a blood vessel!’ I thought. ‘I KNOW IT! I JUST KNOW IT!’ ‘I’m having an aneurysm!’ ‘My brain is hemorrhaging!’ ‘I’m a doomed goner! this is it! I’m gonna die from masturbating too hard! I’m so embarrassed! I did this to myself!’

five minutes later it passed and I was
soooo relieved! I picked up my blackberry and wrote this blog post. Be careful, sex is scary dangerous.

what dudes hate AND love about girls:

Like a cherub sent from heaven, in the nick of time, to provide me with a blog post for today……….THERE WAS ED! after a long day doing a photo shoot for my facebook default pic, i met up with Brooke at m cafe (because it’s the place to be, we’re not savages and we have good taste) for an hours long girly chat about everything and nothing. it was great, no joke, the gossip was amazing! but, always in the back of my mind was the nagging fact that I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO POST TODAY! but god works in mysterious ways (why am i making so many god references in this entry? I’m not religious! oh well, who cares?)….and in walked a leather clad, haphazardly put together (in an ‘on purpose’ kind of way), shaggy haired guy I’d never laid eyes on: ED!


It gets BETTER: he WASN’T American! yes, i admit it! just like everyone else American, i too am fooled by an English accent! he instantly became more interesting, worthwhile, attractive and intelligent because of it. was i born this stupid or did i acquire these illogical ideas over the years? don’t answer that. and I’m not sure if it was because i’m white, a girl, not super ugly, OR because we have the same taste in restaurants- but Ed was SUPER forthcoming with his answer! i really appreciate it when a complete stranger answers my annoying questions in the most honest way they can…..so thank you Ed.  maybe we’ll all learn something or at least feel less alone. good morning.

Ed: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.



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